COUPLES THAT MAKE NO SENSE

Example 1

Mila Kunis + Macauley Culkin

status: DISMISSED

why?:

Mila is SO HOT if you look at her without sunglasses YOUR EYEBALLS WILL MELT and your face will be an omelet.
Macauley REALLY DOESN'T HAVE A CAREER ANYMORE.

upgrade, Mila! UPGRADE! Natalie may be engaged but....

Example 2

Taylor Swift + Jake Gyllenhaal

status: DEAD

why:

God I don't know but we'll hear a song about it later.

I did think they were cute, though. :/

also: DATE ANNE JAKE YOU GUYS ARE SOULMATES.

Example 3

Meg Ryan + John Mellencamp

status: HOT

what THE fuck

I won't even begin to wax on my out-of-character romantic outings lately. you just don't know, my friends. you never know.

p.s. Lucinda Williams plays Mercyhurst in Erie on March 1st. whoa!

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The Useless Critic 2.0

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