Skip to main content

OPEN LETTER TO MILA KUNIS (request for an interview)


I don't ask for much out of my pointless and unnecessarily long life. I ask for simple things, really. World peace, meals catered by Wolfgang Puck, comfortable sex, rain that lasts for exactly two minutes and no less. Simple things!

Well, one of my biggest dreams would be to interview you. You know thoughts of Marion haven't entered my head since I saw you in that ballet apeshit film I'm going to see 900 times once it comes to the dollar theater and when I SAY things like "I'M THE SWAN QUEEN, YOU'RE THE ONE THAT NEVER LEFT THE COURT" when my mom asks me how I'm getting to a job interview across town during a snowstorm....well, they'll make more sense.

I know you have a good heart. How could you not! Beautiful people are almost ALWAYS beautiful on the inside as well as the outside. I mean duh, look at Ted Bundy (just saying). I know you will hear my plea (or rather read it right) and be like omg maybe I should just give into this girl because she's not creepy or a stalker AT ALL (I'm not! I'm not!)

and maybe just grant her this small favor. I mean, you're not Taylor Swift, right? or Lissie? at least Lykke's publicist got back to me!

so I have no idea how to get a hold of you. I know Natalie and me like play chess and have sex and make sushi together (notcodeforanythingjesuschrist) in my dreams but dreams are different in reality. by the way, Mila, I totally dreamt this midget stripper was chewing on my vagina last night. and I was like "you tiny bitch, maybe you should actually do something with your teeth instead of trying to eat me like a human nacho chip."

MILA, CAN YOU PLEASE GRANT ME AN INTERVIEW? I love you; I might like touch your hair for five seconds. And that's not weird! I mean you'll be at the Oscars on Sunday with Amy Adams presenting an award and I really do think you should have been nominated. how stupid is the Academy have you see Melissa Leo's ads WHAT A HO I know you wouldn't do that bb I know.

I also know you love Star Trek. I don't really care about this show, but I have access to Wikipedia so I can learn.

Well Mila I hope I piqued your interest! I didn't ask for a date I asked for an interview THIS IS NOT CREEPY THIS IS JUST SHOW BUSINESS

I mean I could be this dude.

waiting for your response


p.s. I don't think Anne Hathaway and James Franco will suck anymore! they have impressed me!


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

3 New Lana Songs Come Out From Upcoming Album "Blue Banisters"

Not even that far off from "Chemtrails Over The Country Club" being released this past March, Lana Del Rey dropped three new singles off her upcoming project, "Blue Banisters." They include the title track, "Text Book," and "Wildflower Wildfire." All three songs seem to merge the worlds of "COCC" with "Norman Fucking Rockwell," specifically Lana's mouthful of a track "Hope is a Dangerous Thing for a Woman Like Me To Have But I Have It." They also seem uncharacteristically more confessional than most of Lana's catalog to date, specifically "Wildflower Wildfire," which alludes to a conflict with her mother. She even starts the track with "Here's the deal," readying to show more of her backstory than she ever has in her decade-plus-long career. The three songs are gorgeous - especially "Text Book," which has a haunting quality to it (she mentions "Black Lives Matter" i

"Anchors" - AM Higgins

Here's a nice breezy, almost sensual song from AM Higgins (the solo project of musician Annie Toth) to start your Tuesday off right.  Her debut album "Hymning" will be out November 5th on Victorialand Records. The album was mixed by Casey Foubert, a frequent collaborator of Sufjan Stevens. The album "captures the first years of moving from an American city to rural France." Sounds like "Hymning" will be a welcome escape from the world we live in right now, especially considering that Annie Toth counts poets Mary Oliver and Thomas Merton as influences.

You Need to Hear This: Concrete Castles

I first heard of First to Eleven a few years ago thanks to the powers of social media. They are a talented young band straight out of my hometown (Erie, PA). Since I've first heard of them, First To Eleven - which primarily were a social media-based cover band - has revealed an original music incarnation, Concrete Castles.  No matter if they're covering songs or releasing their own music, one thing is evident: Concrete Castles is MASSIVELY talented. Anchored by Audra Miller's powerhouse vocals that are vaguely reminiscent of Hayley Williams, Concrete Castles demand your attention. Although they can fall in that sort of amorphous "indie pop" umbrella, I don't think their sound would be amiss on mainstream radio - top 40 or alternative.  "Wish I Missed U" - their debut album - came out earlier this September, and it's an enjoyable, invigorating listen that would probably make those who were raised on emo or fans of CHVRCHES feel at home. Hell, Anth