The Useless Critic 2.0

The latest UC Podcast. And some bonus material from last week:

Hello World, Brittany and I recorded a podcast today. Brittany = Female Voice. Nader = Slightly Masculine Voice. Brittany is Hilarious Nader has an ugly laugh. (Trust me, he's improving it.) QATFYG: Who wants to hammer us with criticism? Any comments are open and encouraged.

I must first begin by saying this post is dedicated to Brittany Kemp. After I posted 3 Surprising Moments of Pop Rock , revealing three songs from my high school "Napster" lists. Afterward, it seemed it showed some of my poorer tastes. QATFYG: Brittany and people of Earth? When dealing with High School pop rock, what did you think of Audiovent? There is nothing surprising about this song, other than it's the only Audiovent song I liked.

The last post pushed me over the edge. I tweeted Biebs to wish me Happy Birthday, and he refused? What gives you freeze it push pop cock face? It was my birthday gosh darnit. No Respect. QATFYG: What do you guys think about the sunglasses seen below?

I swear to God I will stop soon....but I must, oh I must. SO MR. SHEEN is looking for an intern. and who would be better for this than yours truly? WHY: - I am crazy. albeit not Charlie crazy, but I certainly can tell where that boy is coming from! - I know how to use Twitter. can you train an elephant to use social media? they may be able to share, but I THINK NOT. (Commandment #21 in the elephant code, as praised by Dumbo: thou shalt not use trunk to tweet). - I can turn your shit into gold Mr. Sheen! I know you can already do that on your own but seriously I can make your POOP INTO DIAMONDS. - I am all about the Sober Valley Lodge. as long as I can wear some kind of hat, let's get this party started. I feel like destiny is calling me. CHARLIE, CHOOSE ME, CHOOSE ME DAMMIT. edit: totes applied. am doing something so meaningful with life.

I'm going to start making these on a monthly basis: artists included: JJ CUT COPY DIAMOND RINGS ANORAAK JUNIOR BOYS THE BLACK KEYS CASIOKIDS THE MORNING BENDERS LYKKE LI TESLA BOY NOAH AND THE WHALE LADYHAWKE SPOON WHITE LIES MSTRKRFT POGO THE NEW PORNOGRAPHERS PHOENIX U2 WALTER MEEGO

i'm not GUNna say five best, but five noteworthy DEATH metal albums, with accOmpaNying toutube VIDEOs, before this time next week. if it is successful, we will continue the challenge! AWM

I know I've posted this like everywhere, but SERIOUSLY WATCH IT it's her SNL audition video. this girl needs on stat! Kristen Stewart!!!!! seriously, who do I have to blow to make this happen? WATCH IT

I am currently devouring THE HISTORY OF LOVE by Nicole Krauss. She's married to Jonathan Safran Foer, another amazing modern (most of the writers I like are dead people). I can't recommend to you this book enough. there seems to a lot of Jewish identity literature out there right now, but it's all remarkable. and heartbreaking and beautiful and human etc. things I look for in a novel. funny, too. the movie is coming out in early 2011, so get on that shit, friend. also, Ms. Krauss just put out Great House not too long ago. have you read that yet? what are you reading, anyway? SMUT? their writing styles are similar. so I have this fantasy of these two married writers giving each other feedback and proofreading and etc. I bet they sit in bed after sex and read each other's scenes and are like "DARLING, THIS ADJECTIVE SHOULD GO THERE." ah! Dunkin Donuts opens on November 23rd. Harry Potter comes out soon and Wenli is dragging me to see it (wish you could come, Eu...

I am not trying to post randoms all the time (I WILL BEAT THE HYPE MACHINE) but seriously listen to this. This is the hardest beat. EDIT Bout to just five-up this.

At THE USELESS CRITIC, we have a history of making mixes. EX: We made that one mix one time. So let's make one again. HERE are the rules: 1. No "Monster Mash" 2. No "Thriller" 3. TBA Participants should create a mix and post it during Halloween week on THE USELESS CRITIC via the Internet. Your mixes will be evaluated using an advanced computerized scoring matrix, and the mix with the most scores will receive six tickets for a parking violation of your choosing. No irony should be used during the making of any mixes. May the best mix win.