The Useless Critic 2.0

After my two-part recap of the first season finale of 2 Broke Girls got so many views (thank you all!), I've decided to write weekly recaps of the second season, which premiered last Monday. I had so much fun writing that recap, although it did took me some time, considering it was a 40-minute episode. I'm not giving guarantees though, as I have some commitment issues. I can also be quite the perfectionist sometimes, so I'm the kind of person who either goes all the way or not at all. But we'll see how it all turns out—favorably, I hope. Also, I'll try my best to be faster with the next recaps. For those of you who are not familar, every episode begins at the Br ooklyn diner where Max and Caroline work, often with Max mercilessly mocking some poor customer. This time, the customer is a mother breastfeeding her son, who happens to be a little too old for such activity. Understandably, the situation caught the attention of the employees. "Some mothers ten...

happier times! Why do Hollywood couples always seem to implode? Is it ego? Is it boredom and the need for novelty? Well, whatever it is...I could not see TomKat derailing like they apparently did and made public yesterday. I mean, I've never been crazy about Tom Cruise or Katie Holmes, but in the past year or so I have softened with age. And look what happened. HERE IS TO HOPING SURI MAKES IT OUT OKAY.  A little look back, if you will: say what you will about them, Suri is one cute kid. question:   how do you feel about dying alone?

The best moment of her career was when she wore a black wig in Donnie Darko, and she was only majorly hot for 14 seconds. Talk about a fucking quickie. That was the Fuck Ass of Quickies. Do you remember when Katie Holmes was replaced in the Batman franchise by Maggie Gyllenhaal, and you were like “oh shit” and “what the fuck?” Yes, the entire world felt the same way. Even as the song says “In Batman Begins, she was much hotter.” I wish I could remember if that was an actual song, or just a wet dream I had.  Anyway, the point and the crux of this is:   Question for You: Is Maggie Gyllenhaal actually hot?  She's got to be 18 in this. Right?  For example, I will say that the only movie where I have ever found Maggie Gyllenhaal truly hot has been Donnie Darko. I was watching DD (huhuh Double D’s) on Netflix Instant the other night. It’s weird because I am not sure if she’s actually legal in this film. For legal reasons, I am going to assume she was 18....

I once wrote a post called “A 180 From Sweden,” and that was when I openly declared I had found the opposite of Swedish Culture. Well, here is the pure essence of what it means to be American. It is not a banjo like I previously thought yesterday. QATFYG: What is the single moment in the history of US and A that has been the more alluring concentration of our American Heritage? The one answer that you will get is Busy Phillips singing “One Way or Another” on Dawson’s Creek. (Must Watch) If you are scowling or biting your thumb, hear me out and see Busy Phillips as Lady Liberty. This single moment has more elements of American Splendor than Paul Giamatti could ever muster in a snarky moment. What do we have in America? Live rock concerts Shattered Glass The Freedom to Dance on Countertops and Rip your Shirt Off Michelle Williams not acting like a slut for 20 seconds The Choice to Convert to any Religion you Want Artistic Expression The Pursuit of True Love Fighting off Stalkers Rejectio...

While I rot in Detroit for another day, I decided to finally write something I've been putting off for ages. you know how the History Channel had to pull the Kennedys' series because the family had an actual qualm about it? despite the fact the series had some really good actors in it (Katie Holmes is give or take here) and they put a lot of money into production? WELL we may never know what the History Channel had in mind for America's version of the royal family, but I'd like to think I could imagine a few worthy scenes from the series. also, I did know research. what I wrote about is what I know about. ENJOY SCENE 1 JFK: ASK NOT WHAT YOUR CUNT-TRY CAN DO FOR YOU, BUT WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR YOUR .... CUNTRY. JACKIE: (privately, to herself) He really seemed to drag out the 'cunt' in that, didn't he? hmm. JFK (later, while they are still outside, arm-in-arm): I didn't say the first syllable too long, did I, Jackie dear? JACKIE (stares at him and then bli...

I am convinced these two have the healthiest relationship EVER.