The Useless Critic 2.0

Episode 7 In The Evening    Sookie —In post-coital faerieland, Sookie and Warlow bask in the soft focus afterglow. Until Warlow ruins everything by getting all “me man, you woman, traditional genders roles good.”  Sookie is about to go all suffragette on him when she hears a voice on the other side—Arlene’s. Knowing Bill will just summon him again once he’s in the harsh light of the real world, Warlow opts to stay put. Sookie uses her fae light (ugh) to teleport back. Arlene is in the cemetery, reeling from the loss of Terry last episode. Did they put him in the ground awful fast? I don’t know how much time has passed between episodes. Anyway, Sookie finds Arlene, and it is fucking heartbreaking. I was worried it would be over the top, but Carrie Preston gives a fantastic performance. This scene also harkens back to earlier seasons, when Sookie was actually involved in other people’s lives. She takes Arlene back home, where Andy...

Episode 6 Don't You Feel Me

Episode 5 Fuck the Pain Away This was one of those episodes that made note-taking really hard. And I mean that as a compliment. I had to pause the episode several times to jot down the influx of crazy stuff happening. This season seems to be flying by. We're at episode five already! Not that I'm complaining; the pacing this season has really taken off.

Episode 4 At Last Andy & Terry & Arlene —Terry is just minding his own business, when Andy’s fae daughters discover that he murdered his friend Patrick. They can read minds and all that. Arlene comes in and scolds them. Of course Terry is ready to crack. Andy comes in and puts the girls to bed. And then they grow up some more. Now they’re slutty teenagers! And it’s every teenaged girl’s fantasy to go out and get drunk and party, right? They raid Arlene’s closet and steal Andy’s squad car. Wow, those guys must be heavy sleepers, cause these girls are not being subtle at all . (For more on the fae girls’ excellent adventure, see Bill and Jess’ segment.) Andy rallies the troops that morning. He can’t really give a good description since they could be fully grown by now. He and Terry and Arlene bicker amongst themselves, but realize they’re all to blame. That night, Andy and Jason investigate the missing squad car and find it at the very same conve...

Episode 3 You're No Good What's this? A timely True Blood recap? Scary, I know.

Episode 2 The Sun Sorry these recaps have been so late. I've been a busy little bee. Moving to Chicago in the fall and putting things in order has taken priority. At least for the next few weeks these recaps should be on time. Come August I can't promise anything. But in any case, let's see if this episode succeeds where the premiere did not in being nominally entertaining.

Episode 1 Who Are You, Really? Yes, yes, I know this is a week late. I've been traveling a lot with not much access to wifi. Hopefully I'll have yesterday's recap up very soon. I'll be apartment hunting in Chicago this week! But enough about me, I've made you all wait long enough... Stupid clusterfucky opening that screws up my normal recapping style —Picking up exactly where we left off last season, Sookie and Eric run away from a newly empowered—and naked—Bill. They escape the Authority compound, and even swing by in an SUV to pick up Nora, Pam, Tara, Jessica and Jason (who is none too happy being ordered around by vampires). The Authority compound explodes. Jessica urges them to go back for Bill, but he’s fine. Well, sort of. He walks out of the burning wreckage and flies away. They hear a convenient press conference on the radio (see Burell for more on that), and Jason pulls over once they get to a safe distance, so everyone can hash out...

Episode 12: Save Yourself Wow, I’d call that a season finale, alright. Lots of blood, a bit of sexing, and more than a few “what the fuck did I just watch” moments. Oh, and an out-of-nowhere cliffhanger. I don’t use this word much, but it left me flabbergasted. Let’s get to it, shall we?