The Useless Critic 2.0

7:23 A.M. WHY DIDN'T IT OCCUR TO ME TO USE THE BATHROOM BEFORE LEAVING :( 9:30 A.M-ish WHY ARE CIGARETTES 5 DOLLARS AGAIN WHERE AM I 9:35 A.M-ish DR. PEPPER 10? (i hate myself) the caffeine rush lasted for a while, but now I'm crashing! and there are Appalachians rolling all around me but I bet there's going to be like twelve feet of snow in Erie. also, I neglected to mention we get to stop IN STATE COLLEGE PENNSYLVANIA. It's not like Penn State has been in the news lately or anything... 12:16 P.M:  we just finished our Penn State stop. wow, there goes half the bus, including the Uggs-wearing girls in front of me.  12:17 p.M.:  So yesterday I thought I almost saw Jay-Z and Beyonce and peed myself a little.

Pretty sure that I can't recall half of this trip because my body doesn't know what to make of European alcohol. it's like oh, THIS IS NOT MILLER LITE? let's black out. then I wake up with some Belgian girl's bra and panties set. which isn't as spectacular or scandalous as it would sound:  I simply grabbed them in a drunken stupor. I gained a reputation at that ACCO hostel.... so let me put myself in the mindset of a year ago as Hurricane Irene embraces my adopted city. Step 1:  get to Baltimore, because Al wanted to fly out of Baltimore In Al's defense, the Baltimore airport is one of the best major airports in America to fly out from. it's very affordable. My sister flies from there all the time. The thing about the Baltimore airport is that it is BORING and all the way in Baltimore. Thus, on September 9th, I began my voyage from Erie, PA to the home of both Beach House and The Wire.  So how to get there? Greyhound was expensive as all shit...

I feel like in the future I will tell hipster girls this at bars and they will follow me home. what to say about Lykke that hasn't been said? she's a force of nature. she is an oversexual Scandinavian goddess who I want to raise puppies with. there is nothing wrong with that. "WHEN I SAY DANCE, YOU DANCE!"- Lykke Li also I want to tell you that I threw up on a Megabus this weekend and Uffie and Ke$ha would have been so proud of me. the guy that walked in after me said, his exact words, "OH, GOD."  Lykke covered the Knife and danced around like some freaky stepchild of Stevie Nicks.  I SANG ALONG TO EVERY SONG AND BEAT SOME GIRL THAT TRIED TO STEP IN FRONT OF ME TO JOIN HER BOYFRIEND IT WAS SO AWESOME GOODBYE

Dancing with the Stars first thoughts: WHYYYYYY second thoughts: I'M IN SO MUCH PAIN RIGHT NOW third thoughts: "THIS IS THE JIVE; I DIDN'T SEE JIVE." fun fact about the jive: "the jive" was actually an STD WWII soldiers brought home with them after being stationed in the Pacific. it was slowly spread in the baby boom period following WWII because these men wanted to have sex and these women wanted to be housewives. the dance mimicked the gestures of furiously seeking "relief of the genitals." fact!!!! anyway, I have to say, Kendra's breakdown was quite real. seriously, I felt that in my body, that for her to be seen not as strictly as a "tomboy" and become a "lady" with "confidence"- that was like, Precious -like moving. this is what I remember of it: "PEOPLE THINK I'M THIS PLAYBOY CONFIDENT GIRL AND I'M JUST I'M JUST NOT HER OH MY GOD PEOPLE I JUST WANT TO BE A LADY." see who does NOT have ...