The Useless Critic 2.0

A true anthem of our generation. - You know, maybe it's these outfits we wear, I mean, I can see your boobies. - Shit, my stylist is on a budget. He's just trying to save some fabric. - It really doesn't matter, I'm just gonna end up taking it off anyway. - So what if I'm a little nudie? It don't mean you're gonna get some booty. Baby, I just wanna shake it, it took mama nine months to make it. - My Daisy Dukes they fit just right, they squeeze my coochie really tight, so that when I shake and dance, there's a party in my pants. - Shit, I like your Daisy Dukes. I think they're real classy. Ugh, not even John Lennon or Bob Dylan were ever able to come up with such transgressive, brilliantly crafted lyrics. Too bad the duo split up.

I reckon not many people know short-lived British duo Mini Viva nowadays, so I'll give you guys a little 411. Created by production house Xenomania, Mini Viva consisted of Frankee Connolly and Britt Love, and were signed to Geffen and Polydor Records. The duo's infectious debut single, " Left My Heart in Tokyo ," was co-written by Norwegian goddess Annie and released in September 2009, reaching number 7 on the UK Singles Chart. Follow-up single " I Wish " was released in December, but charted at number 67, thus failing to match the success of its predecessor. Although Mini Viva's music wasn't wildly groundbreaking, their sugary brand of synth-heavy dance-pop was fun and deliciously catchy nevertheless. In May 2010, Mini Viva released a third single, "One Touch," which was co-written by rising star Florrie and happens to be my favorite song from the duo. However, despite plans to release an album, "One Touch" flopped even harder...

This song is the shit, period. Man, I miss Goldfrapp's electro-sleaze so bad. As I've said before, the duo's latest album, Tales of Us , left me rather underwhelmed. That's not to say I dislike their trip-hop/ambient stuff— Seventh Tree is a masterpiece—but I didn't think Tales of Us had that unique Goldfrapp oomph to it. I truly hope they release another album of infectious, throbbing sex music in the vein of Black Cherry or Supernature sometime soon.

This is such a timeless, superior ballad. I still get chills every time I listen to it—especially because it had quite a personal meaning for me some five years ago. I love how Gwen successfully manages to sound plaintive, heartbroken, and angry without coming across as corny or forced (take notes, Adele). The fact that it's the last solo single that Gwen has released to date makes it all that sadder. The music video is a stunning complement to the song, including breathtaking shots of Gwen in three European cities: Milan, Budapest, and Prague. I just have a lot of feelings

Today was quite a busy one for me, but I finally managed to squeeze a little time in for my recently created TBT. This song is pretty much a classic, it never fails to put me in a party mood. I love the '90s acid house feel to it, and man, those neon-lit synths are like the sound of angels touching you in the right places (as kinky as it might sound). Not to mention the non-ironic sax solo, which weirdly fits the track like a glove. Also, this:

I'm sure most of you know how Throwback Thursday (or #TBT) works, right? In case you don't, it basically involves posting older pictures of yourself or other people on social networks—especially Instagram and Twitter—on Thursday (duh). Well, I've decided to make my own TBT, but instead of pictures, I'll be posting songs and/or music videos from the past that I really like, whether it's 4 years old or 20 years old. I call the shots, bitches. For today's TBT, I chose "Zero" by Yeah Yeah Yeahs. I already sort of knew this song back when it came out in 2009, but it wasn't until a few months ago that I became completely addicted to it. Ugh, how the hell did it take so long?? I mean, it was even featured on Gossip Girl , for crying out loud (more specifically the season 2 finale ). Anyway, some people didn't seem to approve of the band's decision to incorporate synthesizers to their music at that time, but I sure loved it. Sadly, I couldn...