The Useless Critic 2.0

I got Facebook back in 2006. There are few pictures on Facebook in 2006. What they had to give me were celebrity pictures my friends and I apprehended for giggles (teeheehee.) Oh, and one memorable librarian (which got my 18-year-old self in trouble, lolz.) My Facebook movie was cute. Most of the updates were from the past year ("Hey everyone, I'm not dead!" "YAY, YOU'RE NOT DEAD!") I couldn't help but be a LITTLE disappointed. So, summoning my inner Peter Jackson, here is what that movie should have been like: 2006: Break up with Scarlett Johansson Years later, in interview after stepping down as the Oxfam ambassador: "You know, sometimes I wonder about the poor decisions I've made. And I haven't made a lot because I'm nearly perfect, but like marrying Ryan Reynolds letting Britt get away was just a big mistake. I cry about it a lot." (like) 2007: Break stuff with Britney Spears Britney said: "Bri...

So I went to the State Store (Liquor Store for all you non PA residents) today to pick up a bottle of wine and was met with a sign on the door.  “The Store is closed due to a Weather Emergency declared by the Governor.”  I get that it is a Hurricane. And I get that Hurricanes are bad. What I don’t get is why we are making a big deal about it. Especially in Erie. Dreary-Erie Pennsylvania. WHERE WE GET HIT WITH 88.8 INCHES OF SNOWFALL, AND 42.77 INCHES OF RAIN FALL EVERY FUCKING YEAR. We are experiencing nothing special. Nothing different than any other rain storm we have had so far this year and nothing different than any other rain storm we will have for the rest of the year. People are rushing to stores and clearing shelves in a panic...   They are stocking up on dry food and batteries...  Because god forbid the power goes out and you have to eat everything in the Fridge...   Right now in Erie it is 45 degrees with...

Oh yes, it's happening. See here: https://www.facebook.com/?ref=tn_tnmn#!/events/359454354134296/ August 15 everyone! Bring Your Friends! Should you have them..... >_>

Yahoo is suing Facebook, in case you haven't heard. Yahoo!, which really hasn't been relevant since 1998 . Patents, schaments ! I'm reminded of what the late Ben Folds said when he said THE BATTLE OF WHO COULD CARE LESS .  also, check out the freshly updated WRITER'S PAGE . 

Al and I have both made facebook fan pages to promote our own personal writing. go forth and fan! also, be sure to like the Useless Critic page/join the group if you have yet to do so!

PLEASE LIKE IT!

The year was 1939 , and many lists and books on film history were greatly changed by “Gone with the Wind.” It sold more tickets and made more money than any other film of its day, destroying the previous figures really. AFI placed the Rhett Butler/Clark Cable “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn” as the number one greatest line in all of cinema (or some other award of that nature and similar phrasing). “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.” If you haven’t seen “Gone with the Wind,” I will try not to ruin the ending. However, when I first saw it on the list as number one, I was shocked. It didn’t seem great or exceptional to me in anyway. I had the literal look on my face of a “SO WHAT” expression. It honestly meant nothing to me. Then, one night earlier this year, I couldn’t get to sleep, and suddenly, I was metaphorically awakened by the gravity of it. A man spends years and years chasing this woman, investing countless endeavors, only to obtain her…to have h...

When it comes to the Internet, Facebook is Sodom and Google is Gomorrah. Just several days ago, Facebook jumped on the hounding wagon with this awful graffiti. Guess what, Facebook? I'm already on you. You don't need to twist my arm to get me there. If anything, I'm looking for ways to get away from you. If Google Plus becomes popular, I will excitedly refrain from signing up and gladly welcome the fewer and fewer Facebook updates that will surely follow, allowing me to get off of the grid once and for all. Hey, Google, I've pressed "No" so many times, why even have a button? You're obviously not interest in my answer unless I say yes. On my MacBook, I get this message even though Google is, in fact, my homepage. And, no, I don't want to try Chrome either. Perhaps it'd be worth it if it had a feature that would disable these notices. Now Google has a feature that notifies me that I have an e-mail forwarding filter that I set up to forward...

The world in our Facebook group has heard about this, but in case you are not a member,a new web segment called "The Useless Critic Online Radio" has been launched on Youtube. QATFYG: Is it high quality? No. It was made by me, but it is better than some of that crap I used to make. (I posted a video of when I was eating lamb brains in honor of Miley Cyrus) . Sometimes I hate myself.

Kathie and Hoda are possibly the biggest thing I miss about not having a TV. No, what am I saying? They are ABSOLUTELY the biggest thing I miss. I love these two ladies in the morning! And their sidekick, social media superstar Sara Haines, who spends the national later morning talk show discussing what fans are saying via the Facebook and Twitterverses. this is Sara in a slightly different context: Fun fact:   her nickname is Sage! (Kathie gave it to her- thanks Wikipedia!)  Anyway, I happen to be friends with Sara Haines via the good old Facebook, because I love her. and I was like "let's ask her some questions, self!" to which she responded in a very good nature. BEHOLD, BURNING  KATHIE AND HODA SECRETS REVEALED! How did you get involved with such a position? For a morning talk show, it feels pretty unique! Sara:  I worked behind-the-scenes here at the Today show for 7 years before becoming a contributing correspondent. I started an online ...

You should fan The Adventures of Duncan on Facebook . WHY?   Because you should. See: - it's a good children's series.  - it needs publicity! it needs your help! - it's a very well-intentioned venture and been slow to take off. You can read more about Duncan here . I am just trying to help and raise awareness! Find it on AMAZON also, it's available for Kindle. and I know you all probably have Kindles, so. 

I decided, because sometimes it's damn tricky to make people LIKE your product (whatever it be) on Facebook- trust me, as someone that has done this and still has to do it- that each week I will start highlighting ONE Facebook page of interest and trying to market it to the world at large (or whoever reads the Useless Critic) so maybe the page will make 1 or 2 or 3 new fans.  This week:   Local Band Hero. Facebook why you should fan it! because Phil, who nicely explained to you why the apocalypse was a no-show, runs it because Facebook banned them for posting on the bands they promote pages oh, what do they do? they promote local bands nationwide. that's pretty cool! a lot of bands/musician folk could benefit from that..... and if you choose to use their services (metaphorically speaking YOU'RE IN A BAND YOU'RE IN A BAND) it's free because the website itself is run through sponsors and stuffffff. the website, in actuality:   http://www.localbandhero.com/ ...

Hello, my name is Ryan and I have a girlfriend now. This has been an official thing (or rather, she sent the request on Facebook, which totally makes it official) since Monday I think it was. I've been dating this girl for maybe a month or so, but it's not the same as her being your girlfriend, it turns out. I'm not sure why. We did, however, skip the "meeting" phase. I've heard people talk about how they're meeting someone, so of course I ask when and where and all the juicy gossip stuff, and it turns out meeting is a relationship status here now. From what I can understand, this thing is a little more serious than just hanging out, but not as serious as going on a date. I didn't know it was needed, but hey, the average relationship of a 15 year old has now increased to 4 days here so it must be working. But yes, Ryan has a girlfriend! She's a lovely girl. She's smart, funny, quiet and not a slut. I have not seen her naked yet, and it is...

Good question! I don't know.  I don't know how I figured out the existence of this four-person band, being not from Indiana, but that's a good thing! they play catchy garage rock-like music and are based in the biggest city in that fine state. I talked to member Tyler Bowman briefly about the origins of the band, street art, why they came together, working on a medicinal marijuana farm, ETC. bk:   why the name THE KEMPS? I have to admit that is what attracted my attention.  The Kemps originally, were a group of street artists and vagrants based in Indianapolis in the 50's. They were they earliest  recorded graffiti artists in Indy, and some of their art has been featured all over the world. My grandfather dated one member's sister and thats how I heard of them. bk:   what is the story behind your band? Jared Birden and Andy Rittenhouse met in Northern California, where they were both working on a medicinal marijuana farm(no joke). In the late p...

I love this band. Passion Pit + Vampire Weekend = them They are touring practically everywhere this summer. Their debut EP, Torches , just came out. And it's a lot of fun. Giddy, giddy fun. And this man's voice? DAMN. Anyway, I love hype, but this is a band worth believing in BESIDES the hype. or PAST the hype. or THROUGH the hype. see where I'm getting? Foster The People - Helena Beat from inaharris on Vimeo . They sold out in NYC already but I don't care I will find them. <3

I upgraded it and now it's very weird. you should join if you haven't already. I PLAN ON HOSTING GROUP CHATS EVERY TUESDAY.

First Dan Rather, now this?

The Kanzius Foundation is one of the more exciting things to come out of Erie in a long time. And the cause it supports- I mean a groundbreaking cancer cure, come on- is something basically everyone can get behind. so if you haven't done so yet, you should fan them on facebook http://www.facebook.com/KanziusFoundation because for every fan they get they are donating $1. April is their "Repeat the Wave" month and they are trying very hard to meet a quota. so part of my job at the moment is forcing Facebook fan pages upon innocent people. I know it's annoying but it's what I have to do. however I don't think it'd be terrible or tragedy-inducing of you to take some time and simply show your support for an extremely worthwhile cause.

http://www.lollapalooza.com/ yes, so here who is supposed to play this year, according to whoever writes this sh!t at last.fm: - Foo Fighters - White Lies - Crystal Castles - Sleigh Bells - Eminem - !!! - Girl Talk - 30 Seconds to Mars (eww) - Best Coast - Arctic Monkeys - Cage the Elephant - Civil Twilight - Crash Kings - Cults - Fitz and the Tantrums - G.Love - Justice - Lykke Li - Muse - Fences - Portugal the Man - Primus - White Lies - Titus Andronicus - Young Giant so far I think it's a pretty solid line-up, if not too male-oriented. eh. BUT HERE IS MY HOPE THAT HAVING JUSTICE ON THIS LIST (yes FRENCH JUSTICE) GUARANTEES THAT QUEEN BITCH GODDESS UFFIE WILL BE THERE. and if so I HAVE TO GO it is my moral obligation. hence big type. question: will you buy my L-palooza ticket for me? say yes! also, become a fan of "Dog Bless You" on Facebook. and here's another link to the Japan post. http://theuselesscritic.blogspot.com/2011/03/donate-to-japan.html#comments

Some big films have come out this weekend: The Social Network Let Me In Some Film in Which Renee Zellweger Is Terrorized do you plan on seeing any of these? TSN is getting rave reviews, remarkably. I don't know why I'm surprised- David Fincher is a fine director, one of my favorites ("what's in the boxxxxxxxx !") but I just thought it was TOO SOON (and kind of trite) for a Facebook movie. I guess it makes sense- it really did shake things up. and Mark Zuckerberg , what a guy. I can't stand Jesse Eisenberg . if I want to watch Michael Cera , I will go find Michael Cera . all in all though, it looks to be interesting. are you going to see it? Let Me In is a remake of the Swedish ( hai ) film Let the Right One In which didn't come out that long ago. there's American cinema for you. I like the title; that's the extent of it. I'm biased on the Swedish issue, as you probably well know. Renee Zellweger is in a horror movie. love you, Renee! ... a...