The Useless Critic 2.0

AKA Bleeding-Heart Tribute to Lykke Li and Trip-Hop-Influenced Sounds Hi friends, I've been living in a cave growing a beard. Just kidding: Although I probably will be now that Mila Kunis is carrying the antichrist's child. I mean ... Ashton Kutcher . ack ack ack ack ACK ack I guess I've been slacking, but I have an interview to post soon, a book review and some other this and that to do. In the meantime, here's a playlist to get you through the night. Spotify, you need to start paying me commission or something.

I guess my new thing is to post updates about Ashton Kutcher's life. Why? Because he's everywhere. He's like an STD.  So the newest thing on tool Mr. Kutcher's agenda is to play late Apple legend Steve Jobs in an upcoming indie biopic. now let's examine the spectrum:   I guess there's a passing resemblance but really, REALLY? in other news today: - horrific school shooting in California - can Myanmar be saved! - Fiona Apple's new album listing/art is out out out can I make this Titanic month because it's the 100th anniversary and I don't have a copilot right now? SAY YES SAY YES

This in response to Al's Spring Break challenge. Question:  Did you know she is marrying a Frenchman? that woman is hot shit in France? yes, FRANCE. Halle Berry.  France. What is she doing with her life again? oh, and Ashton Kutcher and Rihanna are an item . I have a new apartment. The Republican Race is disgusting and I hope Rick Santorum disappears. NO BIAS.  question:  WHAT IS SHE DOING THESE DAYS NO REALLY

So I am pretty bummed tonight- it's been a sad day- but how could I not laugh my ass off when I read this headline: Ashton Kutcher Headed to Space! Yup, apparently Richard "I'm Obviously Insane and Hairy" Branson tapped him to go into space. I can only imagine the great dialogues that will go on up there with Ashton in orbit, judged from the half-episode of the new Two and a Half Men  I somehow got caught watching. Ashton:  Like....it's space....and stuff. *pulls out Blackberry and tweets* Anyway, I don't really have anything against Ashton, but I've been Team Demi since Day 1 and I'm not backing down.  Also:  space is a whore. And I feel better now. In related news, Kathy Bates is playing the ghost of Charlie Sheen on an upcoming episode of Two and a Half Men . You betcha.

Demi has fallen on rough times, as of late. And what can I say? Somewhere, my heart twitches for her. The former "Mrs. Kutcher" is one fierce lady- like the cast of the incredible Cougar Town  all rolled into one. She doesn't deserve this! She's aged flawlessly after having several bbs with ex Bruce- do you remember Charlie's Angels ? I'm a devout Cameron Diaz fan but who gave a shit in that film- DEMI WAS 40 AND LOOKED 20 So what if she likes to party! Who doesn't. She's transitioned well from the Brat Pack, she's done some impressive charity work, I've been told in person she's a "nice lady," she's raised some daughters ONE OF WHICH is Rumer Willis who is an all right actor in her own right. Yeah, Ashton screwed her over but SO WHAT. call Ryan Gosling, Demi! you two would be so great together! so this is one tough MILF, even if she's MIA right now. she'll be back. CAN'T KEEP A HOT MILF DOWN. good luck D...

a new series Sears. Anywhere. Sarah Jessica Parker was not near a Sears.  This is because SJP is well aware the early 1900s are long over and one no longer goes to Sears to make a day. Thus, she probably spent the weekend at PRADA and GUCCI and BLOOMINGDALES and TARGET. maybe she bought scarves; maybe she bought perfume. She most definitely did not buy kneesocks. SJP was spotted this month wearing what appeared to be, to some knowledgeable outsiders, a discarded satellite dish. Word is that it may have belonged to Ashton Kutcher in his pre-divorce days. TEAM DEMI FTW

No Strings Attached : an enjoyable piece of fluff. like, a seriously entertaining film. I was very surprised because it looked stupid. you know why Natalie wanted to do this, right? SHE DIDN'T WANT TO THINK ANYMORE. The Unbearable Lightness of Being: the most perfectly written sensual novel I have yet to come across. I kind of hated Sabrina towards the end, and Tomas: LOVE YOU FRANZ. The Do's new album, Both Way Open Jaws Finnish-French freak folk. say that five times fast. um, this band is in a peculiar class all on its own. I can't get my head around this. question: would you get a sex friend? I think I tried but I sort of failed.

As you have realized, this is Mila Kunis week. no shit. this photo is for you Cara! anyway, I wanted to wax on why I became a Mila Kunis fan. It's not like I jumped on the bandwagon after Black Swan although it really helped matters. seriously helped matters. in high school, I watched a lottt of That 70s Show. in fact, I was surprised to say it became one of my favorite shows in that time period. not necessarily the smartest sitcom, but it was fun and the chemistry made it work. plus, the writing! (note to you, the Turners are the team also behind 3rd Rock From the Sun ). my favorite character was easily JACKIE. why? - she was a bitch - she was a bitch - she was a bitch I'm easy. behold: her attitude and demeanor were what got me. she was shallow and seemingly stupid (although not really) so I fell in love. DONNA, YOU LUMBERJACK. now flash forward to the last season of That 70s Show , when both Ashton Kutcher and Topher Grace, the two draws of the show, left. Leaving behind ev...

I am seriously in love with these kids: to see more of their performances- and what a talented group they are! seriously! they have stuff by the likes of Coldplay, Tori Amos, Lady Gaga, etc. - head here: http://ps22chorus.blogspot.com/ Ashton Kutcher is a fan. SO YOU SHOULD BE TOO.