The Useless Critic 2.0

apparently Mr. Lekman has made contact with the H1N1 virus aka FLU OF THE SWINE SORT. get better Jens! his blog, "SMALL TALK" (link in our sidebar, where it says "JENS IS AMAZING" because duh he is) READ HIS INTERVIEW WITH TIG NOTARO. IT'S FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC. (Tig, akaka "OFFICER TIG" FROM "THE SARAH SILVERMAN PROGRAM") and last night I had a religious epiphany in which I realized how beautiful School of Seven Bells are and how they are not, in fact, Six Organs of Admittance. http://www.myspace.com/schoolofsevenbells I hope I don't have to work because of the mini-flood. I really don't want to drag a vacuum through this shit. - Brit

There's a new album by Norwegian crooner Sondre Lerche on the horizon. check my friend Wenli's blog THE GRILL for more info because I ain't saying much more. or mo. HA. http://asianbbq.blogspot.com/2009/06/heartbeat-radio.html

I seem to attract a lot of Jessicas in my life. and I have good relationships with them. as opposed to say, Julies. do you ever notice that about certain names or am I just weird? anyway here's a the collaboration between Wilco and Feist off Wilco's latest album, "You and I." Two of my favorite voices blend together so nicely. http://www.sendspace.com/file/nia32x - Brittany RIP BILLY MAYS AND YOUR FABOLOUSLY HAIRY FOREARMS

all right, it's a bit late. but this is my favorite day of the summer. I was like 12 and decided, if and when I ever get married, it will be on June 28th. I will overpower my future spouse into making this decision. we've seen a lot of movies already that were hyped up already come out, but don't you worry! we still have July and August to worry about! which were named after Julius and Augustus, respectively! pricks! I wish I was a Roman Emperor. just think, instead of March, we'd have BRITTANICUS. oh my god. there's my next screenplay. anyway, here are my views on summer films, because you care oh-so much and Mr. Al was too busy to do this (he's a thespian and I'm a janitor, there's a bit of a skew there): "Transformers 2"- I got my opinion of this film via other people's facebook status. MEGAN FOX IS A.) A FOX AND B.) THE BEST ACTRESS THE WORLD HAS KNOWN SINCE LAUREN BACALL. wait, Lauren Bacall is still alive. cease and desist! BIG ROBOTS...

gave up my heart and my soul and my pride and my job and my creeds and the ones that I love gave up my all to a man I just met but there's no time to waste, cos it's almost too late! http://www.last.fm/music/the+d%C3%B8/_/At+Last?autostart (this band is so underrated it's tragic)

When I first read this headline I thought it was a gag, but no no it is the truth. Former president of the Soviet Union, Mikail Gorbachev, has recorded an album of love songs alongside Russian musician, Andrei Makarevich. The motivation behind his artistic endeavor is to raise funds for cancer charities after his wife passed away from Leukemia ten years prior. (The album is for the tenth anniversary of her passing.) The title of the Album is "Songs for Raisa." Named for his wife Raisa Gorbacheva. After being placed at auction the album was sold for 100,000 pounds. Here is a sample. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCVht4ZExv4 From what I've heard the songs are deep and emotional, which is appropriate. Overall, it's not that bad. source: www.ecorazzi.com

In a sudden onslaught of celebrity deaths, it would be easy to overlook that of Sky Saxon, the leader and singer of the band The Seeds. but I've got to bring him to your attention because this is a very, very good song. I would place them with contemporaries like The Left Banke and maybe The Zombies. then you say "you're so full of shit Brittany." but that's me on the keyboards. RIP!

So this week is a tragic one, and it isn't even over yet. So far we've lost three major legends. Comedian/Host Ed MacMahon--at the age of 86 Actress Farrah Fawcet--at the age of 62 And Singer/Musician Michael Jackson--at the age of 50 All three were extremely famous and recognized for their work. And I will say this about Michael Jackson: Whether you liked his personality and lifestyle or not he made some great music. I hope he is remembered for that, and not for some of the actions and behaviors that he became known for later in his life. I said it once and I'll say it again. Thriller is a great album. Ed McMahon and Farrah Fawcett faced long battles with cancer and ended with tragic fates. So to Ed and Farrah, you two were great entertainers, and I hope you're still entertaining crowds up in heaven. RIP.

Rest in Peace, Michael Jackson.

Two of my favorite ladies singing together with Elvis Costello. This song is made of WIN. Side note... people here in the South still use the term "carpetbaggers". hah.

oops, gaffe! Pete Yorn and ScarJo = Serge X Brigitte. I don't really like Brigitte; she kind of scares me. but still STUPID STUPID STUPID (if anything I hear sort of a Nancy and Lee vibe here) I'm getting kind of obscenely excited for this album. Alice, you read this. let me write a review of it in September? I promise not to build ScarJo up to much and emphasize the fact she is married to Ryan Reynolds as much as possible. this weekend is the ERIE SUMMER FESTIVAL OF THE ARTS. Donnie Iris plays Saturday night. my dad loves Donny Iris so I hope he goes. he's like the Bruce Springsteen of Pittsburgh (D.I. not my dad, although I am friends with one of the band members' mothers). I don't know why you should not go this; me I am lazy and transport-less. no more free bus fare for me. :( -------------------------------------------- The Dead Weather is pretty much the best idea ever. ever. Jack White? messianic figure. so far I like them a 10000000000000000000x better than ...

First, I'm sitting here and I heard my cell go off. which upset me at first because I thought it was Virgin Mobile just saying "you got a text message we can't let you see it because you have no money left! HA!" but instead it was an advertisement for THIS AMAZING EVENT: http://www.virginmobilefestival.com/#/lineup/ oh shitttttt. I am not so sure how I like all of them (Taking Back Sunday?) but it's free and the good bands (Franz! St. Vincent! PUBLIC ENEMY!) more than make up for it. but then it's during the school year. on a Sunday. but, you know. screw it. layout's on weekdays. and I think I might have that Monday off. fuckers! (actually classes begin that Monday, but as far as I know if I headed up immediately thereafter I'd be okay) - But back in Erie, and sooner than that, Christopher Bell will be playing the Presque Isle Coffeehouse on July 1st as part of his bike tour (some people ride those). I would go! I will go! http://www.myspace.com/thech...

YES YOU ARE DONE. DONE DONE DONE. YOU OVERPOPULATION-GLORIFYING MONSTERS. I just wish the media would kindly STFU about it. because: Iran, North Korea, feces in my raw cookie dough. comfort food WILL kill you! nobody goes to Perkin's anymore. I wonder why this is? p.s. RIP ED MCMAHON

sometimes my butt vibrates and I do not know why.

do you remember The Distillers? I was never really into them. Enjoyed "Drain the Blood" a lot, though. I just realized, though, Spinnerette is Brody Dalle, lead singer of the Distillers and Queens of the Stone Age frontman Josh Homme's wife. whoa! I kept thinking of Spinderella from Salt'n'Pepa for some reason. Anyway, "Ghetto Love": definitely has a Hole-like sound to it. she sounds a lot like Courtney Love. COURTNEY WHERE ARE YOU? Liam Lynch directed it, who I best know as director of JESUS IS MAGIC. http://www.last.fm/music/Spinnerette

while some of us were battling off hangovers and menstrual cramps, Yelle and Robyn's little cover project got some considerable buzz over the weekend. I love Yelle. I love Yelle so damn much. she's so cool, I just want to touch the back of her hair and radiate. Robyn? she's good but she just doesn't have the hair. anyway, have a listen and see who you like better, SWEDEN OR FRANCE http://www.interscope.com/artist/news/default.aspx?nid=21740&aid=590

On Facebook I always see that little cause in the sidebar: "we want a dislike option!" BUT WHY? what good would this accomplish? I like things quite frequently...you know why? I think it's positive. just a burst of good energy to tell another person "hey this is cool!" even if you barely talk to them ever. I know this is a ridiculous thing to write about, but I wanted to clarify why I like things. it could be a lot more eloquent but, you know. it's before bed. in other news I got kicked out of a bar this weekend apparently. my friend relayed to me I dropped my glass in front of the bartender, silenced the crowd, and someone screamed "BRITTANY IS NOW CUT OFF!" then I went on the internet and discovered why drunks and emailing NEVER MIX.

I was lucky enough to see Jersey Boys at Atlanta's Fox Theatre last week. I'd recommend all you pop-culutre junkies check it out when the show comes to a city near you. You won't believe how many Frankie Valli songs you know.

Fiona is so unhinged and intense. you can tell by the way she's shaking and how nervous she seems- but at the same time, she's so passionate. it's compelling.

http://takeaction.amnestyusa.org/siteapps/advocacy/ActionItem.aspx?c=jhKPIXPCIoE&b=2590179&aid=12454&ICID=E0906A01&tr=y&auid=4977954 I usually do not advocate such things, but this is a cause worth your time.

Here in Erie I'm quite used to a lame, lackluster music scene- bar if you like screeching and things that end with "core." Considering people like me that grew out of this around puberty, this doesn't leave much for those of us with slightly more ... sophisticated? tastes. enter These Are Powers, a cool art rock band playing The Beer Mug tomorrow night at 10. before they, uh, play Beijing. what? I don't know. they contain an ex-member of Liars and have played with Marnie Stern. http://www.myspace.com/thesearepowers

one of the best days of my life: En route from Edinboro to destination THE BURGH, Jon and I were witness to our first roadkilling. This fucking beaver, this fucking precocious beaver, decides it's going to cross I-90. Like it owns the goddamn road. It deserved to be hit, but not as much as an opossum does, because opossum? that's some nasty shit. anyway, one moment the beaver is in front of us, and the next. BOOM! gone. no more beaver. we went through a mini-crisis. "Do you think it had a family?" "I don't fucking care it! It had it coming!" "Now I feel bad." "SHUT UP AND DRIVE." Once in Pittsburgh, we then made our first (but certainly not last! oh ho ho) pilgrimage to the thing called IKEA. OHMYGOD. amazing. also amazing we did not get kicked out....I have a bit of a sectional-fetish. my future home will be made of sectionals. Kim, on the offchance you read this, OUR APARTMENT IS GOING TO BE LAID OUT LIKE AN IKEA DISPLAY. Next we go...

this song gives me chills. seriously- chills. on a night like tonight when my window's cracked open and the air's creeping in. kind of cool, but warmer than it was earlier. when it was at work and I thought I was going to die of pnemonia. think morbid thoughts. the video doesn't quite match what I imagined- Lewis on a beach, nighttime, kind of starless. creepy Polynesian vibe. whatever. they make it work, somewhat. glad to see she's releasing this off Acid Tongue . It deserves to be released. It's that good. best song off it? just listen. or watch. either/or. Black Sand DID BONNAROO ALREADY HAPPEN? WHERE HAVE I BEEN? sorry for not keeping a hold of festivals I cannot afford. next summer I'm debating: slapdash trip to Europe ORRRRRR Lollapalooza. ... whatever. and remember: J.L. will be in Pittsburgh at Mr. Small's come July 5th! - B. Kemp

reposted from exceptindreams.livejournal.com like poetry? follow it! (I've got to I've got to I've got to) important posts in the future. but this is right now. "Having a Coke with You" Frank O'Hara is even more fun than going to San Sebastian, Irún, Hendaye, Biarritz, Bayonne or being sick to my stomach on the Travesera de Gracia in Barcelona partly because in your orange shirt you look like a better happier St. Sebastian partly because of my love for you, partly because of your love for yoghurt partly because of the fluorescent orange tulips around the birches partly because of the secrecy our smiles take on before people and statuary it is hard to believe when I’m with you that there can be anything as still as solemn as unpleasantly definitive as statuary when right in front of it in the warm New York 4 o’clock light we are drifting back and forth between each other like a tree breathing through its spectacles and the portrait show seems to have no faces i...

I love how, this summer, everybody's like, interning and shit. which was the original plan, you see. but then I needed money. so next summer. for the time being, back to beating off to reruns of "Reba."

I have never been able to finish Ulysses , try as I may. It's more of a struggle. James Joyce, to me, is a phenomenal short story writer (I loved The Dubliners , for example. "Araby" will always have a special place in my heart). Was, excuse me. He's not alive anymore. Did you know that? Craziness. Anyway, two years ago was the last time I tried to amble my way through the novel JJ is best remembered for, years later. The book that any self-respecting English major should at LEAST KNOW THE PREMISE OF. You can make your own attempts here: JJ meets the ridic 21st century HEEEEEERE: http://www.gutenberg.org/etext/4300 I tell myself, every now and then, "oh, I'm gunnah read Finnegan's Wake ." Joyce's fucked-up magnum opus, if you will. But then I don't. pfffft. http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5iDaIuVPFHBFzw-cxxlMhc75bOuVQD98RVN800 I wonder what the man himself would have said. Twitter is insane and arguably pointless, anyway. B...

Okay, this is no hilarious critique on a pop-culture gem, but my boss-lady requested that I share this juicy little nugget with y'all. --------- I don't like the idea that some people have that if a girl has an opinion about something, she's automatically mean and/or bitchy. Our youth is all about figuring out what our opinions are about EVERYTHING regardless whether you are a man or a woman. An opinion is an opinion. Within reason , there is no one right or wrong opinion on anything. I repeat, ANYTHING! There is only the opinion that you personally prefer. I've found that the times I have regretted the most in my college experience were when I didn't stand up for my opinions when I had the opportunity. I'm not saying be mean to people who don't agree with every thing you believe, I'm just staying you need to stand strong when you are being attacked from all sides. In the words of that sage sci-fi preacher Shepherd Book, "I don't care what you b...

So we rented this totally boss movie on DVD the other night called "Into the Wild," and it is the shit. If you'll note from the title it also features the Twilight Princess, Kristin Stewart, but she's in it for like 15 minutes tops. The real star of this cinematic gem is Emile Hirsch (The Girl Next Door, Milk). He plays the adventurer, Alexander Supertramp. and no that is not his real name. It follows the journeys of a modern-day explorer all across the Western side of North America ranging from the Gulf of California to the mountains of Alaska. And he even has the chance to drink with Vince Vaughn in South Dakota. (Hell yeah) But if you want to see a movie that is inspirational, humorous, touching, and stars Kristin Stewart in a good role check this out. It will make you want to grab your backpack and just run out into the woods and leave the world behind.

HERE IT IS (I put much thought into this, think about it, summer doesn't officially start for another ten days OH SHIT SOLSTICE): "Pamplona"- Pelle Carlberg link: http://www.sendspace.com/file/jz2v10 this song is just how the lyrics make it out to be...it's very liberating to listen to. like, if I listen to it on the bus when I'm riding to work, I feel ecstatic. it makes things beautiful and joyful and I can get into that. Pelle is so underrated in the States. give him a chance, he's like a diet Lekman! "She's Got Me Dancing"- Tommie Sparks link: http://www.sendspace.com/file/deiluw I don't really know if this warrants a spot on my list, but it's catchy and it's like nobody ever told this guy the 1980s are over. He needs to blow up. because this is one of the must-hear songs. someone on last.fm said he looks douchey; I have to agree. he looks like Mark Ronson. thus. oh I can hear my parents yelling downstairs. wa wa wa. "Happines...

http://www.kvbc.com/Global/story.asp?S=10512367&nav=menu107_2 I hope these kids grow up to like, run the country. seriously. (and I think we all can say a collective "what the fuck" about a.) the incident at the Holocaust Memorial- which is like killing someone at a church or a cemetary and b.) North Korea and their ridiculous over-punishments. Kim Jong Il is just bitter about Liz Taylor or something). tomorrow I see Gwen. an event eight years in the making. there will be more posts. so many more. P.S. WENLI HOW CAN YOU CAN SAY MY FOREIGN MUSIC IS ODD Brittany

I'm almost finished reading Dewey by Vicki Myron. I saw the book in the LaGuardia Airport several weeks ago and I almost 'sploded from cute . Myron may not be the next Steinbeck, but the book is worth buying if you like cats and/or libraries. The book captures not just the life and times of a library cat, but the soul of America's heartland. I've enjoyed this book a lot more than Marley and Me . But, that's probably because cats rule and dogs drool.

I usually don't have the energy to blog when I return home from work- or to do anything, really- except the other evening, like Cara, I cleaned my room, which made me feel a lot better. and my music library. like colon cleansing. it was cathartic. do you think colon cleansing would be cathartic? do you think it would just be disgusting, painful and unneccessary? have you ever gone to THE COLON CLEANSING BLOG? if you haven't be warned DO NOT GO UNLESS YOU HAVE A STRONG STOMACH. thus my blogging in the morning. haiiiiii. so Adam Lambert came out yesterday and I spent the remainder of my day in total shock. I mean, who's supposed to bear my lovechildren now? nonetheless- I think he's got a sturdy career ahead of him. from what I witnessed of "American Idol" I really liked his style. although Kris Allen's version of "Heartless" (that was a good Kanye album, by the way. "505s and Heartbreak"- I truly enjoyed that) was the shit, let's be ...

REALLY http://www.reversespins.com/proofofreincarnation.html anyway, I have no idea why a story several years old is getting so much buzz.

Over the weekend, I went out to eat with my family. as happens, one of my family members had a bit of a reaction to the food he was eating. not to go into details, but it was visible he was not doing well and needed to step away from the table. this isn't the first time this has happened in public, and he was okay, but it was upsetting when witnessing people's reactions to the said event. nobody offered to help, nobody wanted to see if he was okay. in fact, a couple sitting across the aisle from us proceeded to make jokes about it (I left a wad of chewed gum on their table as payback, fyi). this kind of makes me worry about society as a whole, even if it was just a microcosm there in that restaurant. are we THAT self-absorbed? I don't doubt it. this year has made me very, very aware of how that. not saying I'm above it- but it's troubling how many people just aren't willing to look outside themselves, at really, anything. - Brittany

So last night I saw the movie, "The Messengers" on cable, and before and after every commercial they had to remind us viewers that the film starred Twilight's Kristin Stewart. As if we could forget, considering she was the female lead. I'm just bringing this up because I hear so many people complaining that Kristin Stewart is not the right person to play Isabella Swan in the Twilight Saga films. So here, her role in "The Messengers," was definitely a better role for her. She plays a dysfunctional teen with an attitude problem, and gives off a lot of negative body language (in bed). Just kidding, she doesn't have a sex scene. Unless they edited it out on cable. Who knows (in bed)? Now I'm killing it. I'm just trying to say that I thought this role was a better fit for KS. Believe it or not. But speaking of KS, did you know she and co-star Robert Patterinersteinerson both got $12 Million for "New Moon." KS is younger than I am, and I'...

and how did I forget about this: that catsuit freaks me out, personally. on anyone. ever. do you remember "The Arrival" with Charlie Sheen from 1996? THOSE ALIENS; BEYONCE OR OTHERWISE. my friend Jessica thinks Johnny Weir should take on this song, like everybody else already has. Johnny Weir probably sleeps in a damn catsuit. I HOPE YOU HAVE THIS SONG IN YOUR HEAD FOR THE REST OF YOUR DAY. HA HA HA.

RIP David Carradine, The star of Kung Fu and the title character of the two Kill Bill movies was found dead in Bangkok, Thailand. He was 72 years old. If you read up on this story be very careful what you believe. At this moment nothing has been officially released regarding his death. Everything is a rumor. For example David Carradine is said to have been found in the closet of his Bangkok hotel, hanging from a cord, and his hands tied behind his back. *******And this is just a rumor. Nothing has been officially stated as to the cause of death. But if this is true it strongly indicates murder. Such a sad story. DC will be missed.

If I could suggest that you watch ONE show this summer, it would have to be TLC's What Not To Wear . The first two episodes of this season have already proved to be AMAZING. Last night's episode featured a self-proclaimed roller derby bad ass who actually turned out to be beautiful once they cut off her viking braids. I still don't understand why women like to do the roller derby, but whatevs.

Do you know what the antidote to catatonic depression is? researching your potential graduate programs and finding out you really do not need to take the GRE because your grades are high enough. THX LIBRARY SCIENCES. ! while an MFA in writing is something I will get before I die, I'd also like to be employed before I die. and making the big moneys so I can attract people with my large supply of cash instead of looks or personality. ANYWAY, the Three Rivers Arts Festival is underway. click here for a better look: http://www.jainteractive.com/traf/ because I don't feel like sorting through that shit for you. I am not your slave. but it appears Zee Avi (!!!) is playing today ANDDDD Medeski Martin & Wood, in addition to videos by CMU and Pitt filmmakers. God, now that I read about this, I wish I could go more. Well, it'll be going on for a few weeks, so head down there if you're not already there. OMG IN A WEEK I AM SEEING GWEN STEFANI the impending reality of that just...

I don't know why, and I really should not, but I'm a little taken by Rahm Emmanuel. WE ALL HAVE FORBIDDEN DESIRES What about you, polite and reserved reader? Would you hit it and then never admit it? - Brittany "I've got 99 Problemz but a Bitch Ain't No Longer One" K p.s. Kelly Clarkson is not fat, you stupid morons.

I'll admit it, I've seen every single episode of Jon and Kate Plus Eight . In the first couple of seasons, those cute little tots would get even the most hardened bachelorette's biological clock ticking. There was something so refreshing about Jon and Kate's show-- it was a reality show that actually took place in real life (albeit fertility-drug-induced real life). Well, alas, those days are over. Hollywood has caught up with the Gosselins and the show has become painful to watch. What's more depressing than seeing a marriage crumble and kids get followed by paparazzi? This season, Kate has gone from annoying to insufferable. On Monday night's episode, she actually said, "I'm sorry, I'm acting like a fan!" whilst meeting some baker with a TV show of his own. Kate, Kate, Kate. She really shouldn't be looking down her nose at anyone. I mean, she has a Pooh bear tatoo on your ankle. I mean, a Pooh bear tatoo just sounds trashy.

in the midst of a time of angsting: Veronica Sawyer: This may seem like a really stupid question... J.D.: There *are* no stupid questions. Veronica Sawyer: You inherit 5 million dollars the same day aliens land on the earth and say they're going to blow it up in 2 days. What do you do? J.D.: That's the stupidest question I've ever heard. SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL http://jezebel.com/5275707/heathers-sequel-in-the-works-how-very MOAR QUOTES Veronica Sawyer: Dear Diary: Heather told me she teaches people "real life." She said, real life sucks losers dry. You want to fuck with the eagles, you have to learn to fly. I said, so, you teach people how to spread their wings and fly? She said, yes. I said, you're beautiful. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I pretty much agree with Jezebel's suggestions. Amanda Seyfried and Maggie G and Emily Blunt, any of those work. also saw the preview for "Julie and Julia" tonig...

OMG JACOB HAS NO SHIRT AND THAT WEREWOLF LOOKS TOO REALISTIC uh, they should probably spend more time on making these? - Brittany

Climb the boxcars to the engine through the smoke, into the sky your rails have always outrun mine so I'll pick them up and crash them down in a moment close to now 'cause I miss, I miss I miss, I miss I miss, I miss I miss, I miss how you'd sigh yourself to sleep when I'd rake the springtime across to your sheets. My love, I am the speed of sound I left them motherless, fatherless Their souls dangling inside out from their mouths but it's never enough I want you. My love, I'm an owl on the sill in the evening but morning find you, still warm and breathing. Neko is giving a free show in Buffalo on July 23 at the Square, with Jason Lyte as an opener. FREE. I am going. - Brittany http://www.sendspace.com/file/m6oe3w ^ MP3

SEXY or, better yet: thanks Jason!

a new month means new things (sometimes- rabbit rabbit day? whatever the hell that is) and we may have a new blogger on board here. she's classy and tasteful, unlike me and Mr. Bouberhan (sry bud). and I think it'd be nice to have someone kind of elegant as a writer, wouldn't you agree? because, like, me. I'll just post a picture of Carla Bruni and be like LOOOOOOOOK. I'm in a remarkably good mood for a change, even though it's cold out and I'm about to go to work and going to work always scares me. you know what band is really, really good that I've never given a chance before? Midnight Juggernauts! check it out: http://www.myspace.com/midnightjuggernauts "Dystopia" and "Into the Galaxy" are beautiful and mesmerizing, whoa. Lastly, "I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here" is premiering tonight and Janice Dickinson is all I need to know. get better, Susan Boyle! - Brittany