The Useless Critic 2.0

Nause is a Swedish electronic group that just made themselves known to me. But you know, I can get behind things that are both Swedish and electronic (combining two of my great loves in this life). Check out a preview of their new track, "Hungry Heart", HERE. that's right! we have a preview of a song before several other sources. hot damn! NEED MORE PROOF? SEE HERE: anyway, check it out! and keep an eye on these Swedish boys in the future!

happier times! Why do Hollywood couples always seem to implode? Is it ego? Is it boredom and the need for novelty? Well, whatever it is...I could not see TomKat derailing like they apparently did and made public yesterday. I mean, I've never been crazy about Tom Cruise or Katie Holmes, but in the past year or so I have softened with age. And look what happened. HERE IS TO HOPING SURI MAKES IT OUT OKAY.  A little look back, if you will: say what you will about them, Suri is one cute kid. question:   how do you feel about dying alone?

There is a new Celeb Stuff, and this one goes out to Woody Harrelson and Peter McGrain. It's all up on the Celeb Stuff Page on the top bar. Questions for You: How are you today?

Song of the Rey:  I am not at all surprised by this. oh, Lana.

Is this April Fools Day or is this serious gossip on the net. The two youngest half-sisters of Kim Kardashian, Kendall and Kylie are geared up to write their very first novel. Read this Plagiarized Excerpt: "Kylie and Kendall Jenner are penning their first novel … at 14 and 16 years old. The Kardashian spin-off sisters have decided to stake their claim in the literary world and are looking to make the next Twilight series. The book would be targeting the young-adult audience and the Jenner girls are hoping to release it by the end of the summer. ”I think we will definitely get it done with how fast [the process] is going,” Kylie revealed." Questions for You: Is this real? Or is this a joke? Or is this going to be the next best seller, somewhere in between "The Hunger Games" and "The Help?" Lastly, what is the title of Kendall / Kylie book going to be? "Soft Lips / Softer Hips"? EW, I sure hope not.  PS: Little Known Fact, K...

Although I made fun of her now and then , no one could write a good romantic comedy like Nora Ephron.  I appreciate her. She had wit; she had warmth. RIP Nora- you truly were a great lady. My favorite Nora Ephron film? You'e Got Mail, easily. I always thought at some point in my life, I would just warp into Meg Ryan. I blame Nora. “I love that you get cold when it’s 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you’re looking at me like I’m nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it’s not because I’m lonely, and it’s not because it’s New Year’s Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” ― When Harry Met Sally and,...

Song of the Day: You know, I am liking the new Hot Chip 20000 times more than I thought I would.

   Episode 3: Whatever I Am, You Made Me

The Brillobox would have to be one of the more "intimate" venues in Pittsburgh. A venue that small is both a blessing and a curse. You can practically touch the musicians on stage, although that means you're touching everyone else around you. And, since the venue is up a flight of stairs, whenever the audience started dancing/moving/what have you, it felt like the floor was going to give out. I guess dying at a Los Campesinos! show isn't a bad way to end it, right? Oh, and Brillobox? Maybe having a fan or two wouldn't be a bad investment? We sweated. A lot. So much sweating we did. There came a point where my anxiety over people smelling my sweat went away, since the entire audience's perspiration enveloped us all in a kind of communal funk.  The opening act, Yellow Ostrich, put on an energetic show. They sounded a bit like those Postal Service-esque bands that are everywhere nowadays. But the lead singer had a great voice, which sounded oddly li...

So I realize these two star in Prometheus  together, but I just wanted to take some time out of the Useless Critic to celebrate the two of them, because I think they are possibly two of the greatest actors of our generation. Charlize is just incredible in nearly everything she's in, be it totally carrying Snow White  on her own or even Sweet November , if you remember that! She's supposedly dating Keanu now. Supposedly. As for Michael Fassbender, I know he's kind of fresh in the industry, but he's so multifaceted and talented, I mean. He could be this kind of Hollywood renaissance man if he's given the chance, which I think will happen. is happening, really. So, there you have it. They have been appreciated.

Song of the Day: Dum Dum Dee Dee by Nazia Hassan  I was on the internet looking for a wife earlier, and I happened to encounter someone from the Near East, and I was like, what's the best song you know from your country? Then, she was all like....well, this is one of the oldies, and like I didn't know there was a word for oldies in Urdu, but I guess you would say I got educated. "Our oldies were really nice! songs of the 70s...80s... see this.." Bless You Pakistan. The song is very smooth, and it has subtle characteristics that stand out. The melody is very Asiatic, and it reminds me of some of the nuances when I posted some songs from Thailand and Laos. Not to mention, much like Laos this video has loads of eye candy. Did I just commit haram? :P Questions for You:  Who wants to share some Eastern Music? You can never have too much.

Lucie Niemela found me; I did not find her. She was on my last.fm page one day. And I was like cool! Some person from Finland! Which isn't Scandinavia. Sometimes singers and bands harass me on last.fm and they kind of suck. For example, I've had a few requests from bands/singers I think are terrible and I don't know how to gently dance around the subject that if I post something about them, it's just going to be me being like "wah wah wah 'Call Me Maybe' is like 'Purple Rain' compared to this!" But Lucie's pretty good- and in a week where I want to post about nothing that isn't Fiona Apple-related, this post will be an exception to that golden rule. She's a very amicable presence and her music is quite relaxing. And her answers were prompt! Kudos, Lucie. Here's a little insight into her inspiring Czech-Finnish psyche: UC:  What are up to right at the moment? Lucie:   I’m busy with my concerts in June. The...

  There is a new "Be Useful" page posted, and this goes up with a lot of heart. This one is as simple as watching a short movie, which is exactly what it is. It only takes a few minutes, but it gets into the root and grain of a serious time in USA.  Special thanks to a certain special someone for posting this video (click the Be Useful page up top to watch) in our Facebook group. The Useless Critic Facebook Group   Questions for You: Why aren't you a member yet?

First of all, I'm very glad Fiona Apple exists. And is still making albums, although this might be her last for a long time. Who knows? It's anyone's call at this point. I can see her just like, being like "this is it. I don't want to deal with you all anymore." and walking away. Hell, I WOULD WALK AWAY. I still remember being much younger and more precocious and going to scoop Extraordinary Machine up after work (at, uh, McDonald's). And it was one of the best decisions I ever made; many a bus ride was spent jamming out to that CD (yes). "Be kind to me or treat me mean. I'll make the most of it, I'm an extraordinary machine." For a while, it was a mantra. And I would love to say that's irrelevant now, but it's as applicable as ever. The older I get, the more sensitive I seem to become. Apparently, all Fiona does is hide in her house and walk her dog at sunrise to avoid people. Give me a few more years and I'll be there...

Tomorrow there will be a definite “Be Useful,” for now, this will serve as a one shot post. Panera Bread, everyone’s favorite glorified Subway has launched something new. Panera is now opening Panera Cares, a nonprofit sandwich shop.  At these locations in Chicago, Portland, and other emerging locations in USA, there are no prices on the menu. There are only suggested donations. Customers can also make donations onsite to the Panera Cares movement. Customers that cannot afford the prices, pay what they can, or can even receive the food for free. The mission of Panera Cares is to help make sure the residents of the cities never go hungry and that families will always have at least one place to eat. Not going to lie, I am impressed by this. Questions for You:  However, are you glad that MacDonalds didn’t come up with this idea, or else…..yeah, you get the picture. For more Info on Panera Cares: Click Here for Official Website  

WTF? When I first saw this, I wanted to know. Is this real? Like is this some kind of April Fools Joke nobody took down? After I signed up and made a profile, and for some reason clicked the button that will send me updates on the latest news in bleach :P, it took a little while for the awkward surprise to set in, but then, I read more info. It's not too late to submit!  Share Your Confession! You can submit your stories based on the four categories below by June 26th. Just for submitting your confession, you will receive a $1.00 off coupon and will be eligible to win $10,000! Take the plunge and get started NOW!   We're celebrating the potty break by giving you a well-deserved comedy time out and turning the bathroom into the laugh room! Sponsored by the Clorox® Family of Toilet Products, The Lounge will fill your tank daily with hilarious jokes, photos and videos you've just gotta see. For Official Entry and Info:  http://thecloroxlounge....

 So I haven't written a post in The Useless Critic in a long time. I'm sure none of you have noticed, but I come here today especially to talk about The Queen, the one and only Fiona Apple, as her fourth album - and first in exactly seven years - entitled The Idler Wheel Is Wiser than the Driver of the Screw and Whipping Cords Will Serve You More than Ropes Will Ever Do - comes out today (at least in the US)! While there will be and has been a myriad of articles and reviews about Fiona's new album, I feel it's slightly unnecessary - at least on my part - to review her album, other than to say it's amazing, completely reliable, and the song "Hot Knife" is going to be a song Fiona fans will find playing randomly in their heads while watching a butcher slowly stomp his knife down on a large piece of ham while waiting in line at the Honeybaked Ham store (what?). Fiona Apple McAfee Maggart has been a role model for myself and millions of...

Episode 2: Authority Always Wins Well here we are again, time to sink our twin hard-ons into the new episode! Before I get into the thick of things, again I must let you know HERE BE MASSIVE SPOILERS. And I’m going to recap this by the characters instead of a timeline account, because not much happens in this episode.

Cocktails from Kim Kardashian Heh! So Suck My ShamWow Cock, E! News online is now littered, and yes littered, with clippings of Kim Kardashian and her role as the spokesperson for Midori. No shit, it's legit. Their website was so Green it look like St. Patrick's Day, or just any day at a Green Brothel. I don’t really know what Midori is, and I’ve never tasted it, but I will say with certainty that the message they are sending their customers is that *if you buy the Kim Kardashian-endorsed product, you will turn into a bloated buttfucked whore*.  I know it's hard to see, but yes, she is scratching her butt. Questions for You: Who wants to go out and buy some Midori? I wonder if they’ll pay The UC for some Free Advertising.  

Song of the Day regarding Fiona Apple:  since her new album drops tomorrow, I'm dedicating most of my posts to her this week. Let's start with this track from the Idler Wheel . It's fresh and it's pained and it's beautiful. The chorus juts out into your gut. Her voice is scraping. The lack of instrumentals that surrounds the whole album? Awesome, albeit unsettling.

2012 might be the next 2009 in terms of great music. So far we got: - Beach House - Rufus Wainwright - Ramona Falls - Hot Chip - Metric - Fiona Apple - No Doubt - Garbage - Jens Lekman - Little Boots - Calvin Harris so what could make this all POSSIBLY better? NEW ANNIE MUSIC. BE STILL MY CAFFEINE-ADDICTED HEART. Apparently she's releasing THREE EPs this year. That's right:  she's pulling a Robyn. This new song- "The Night Within"- is off the soundtrack to the art film with the SAME title. Annie, for the record, appears in it. Must see? YES.

Perhaps it's only appropiate I am posting this on Bloomsday 2012. Anyway, here's a short interview with a band you should give a chance WHEN you have the chance, Autumn Owls! With a name like that, they have to be post-rock, right? Thanks to Brian McKinney, for setting this up for me! UC:  What's the story behind the Autumn Owls? AO:   Autumn Owls are 3 handsome men from Dublin, Ireland. We formed in 2007, converted a shed into a studio, and wrote lots of music. 2008 saw the release of two EP's Insomnia Lodge and On The Trail Of The Disappearing . Since then we have toured in the USA (taking in New York, Chicago and Las Vegas on our way to SXSW in Austin Texas, then returned to New York for CMJ later that year), Canada (where we visited Toronto for NXNE and CMW), Latvia for Positivus Festival, and of course the UK and Ireland. We are currently recording our debut album in Chicago. UC:  How was preparing your latest album? AO:   Slow, thoughtful, careful...

Joachim Löw                                                   By Guest Writer: Daryl Cox Löw is Germany's manager and is usually directing play from the sidelines in a suit and sometimes a scarf. I think he looks more dapper without the scarf. I reckon he must have them pressed before each game as they're always crisp. Cesare Prandelli Cesare Prandelli manages Italy. Look at that suit and slicked back hair!  The team badge on his breast pocket is a nice touch too. Laurent Blanc Laurent Blanc is France’s manager. I like his smart/casual style with his top buttons open and what appears to be a coffee stirrer in his mouth. Roy Hodgson England’s new manager has an ...

Song of the Day:  It's a good Saturday song. it's a nice breezy love song.

By Guest Writer: Daryl Cox    The Euro 2012 tournament got underway with the first group A games, Poland vs. Greece and Russia vs. Czech Republic. As you may know, the tournament has been surrounded by controversy because of the Ukraine's human rights abuses and treatment of Yulia Tymoshenko and the racist chants and attacks at a Dutch training session. While I disagree with UEFA's assertion that we should put aside the incidents until the tournament is over (I'm not sure we can ignore them JUST because the tournament is on or, at least, I can't) I am looking forward to it and hope it won't be marred by more incidents like those. However, I also think it's futile for world leaders to threaten to boycott the tournament. The thing about football is that people fucking love it all over the world. Tymoshenko could be being whipped in a fan's front room and they'd still watch the game and ask her to keep the noise down.    When I watch world f...

Song of the Day Royksopp are geniuses and Lykke Li is wonderful. The song's sad and poignant but you don't get lost in wistfulness while listening to it. Well sometimes you do. I had a period where I sat perched on a sofa overlooking my front yard to this song. You are welcome. Have a good weekend!

By Guest Writer: Daryl Cox  Predictably enough our (yes 'our,' I'm totally part of the team) first game was a disappointment. Though Lescott scored first off his massive forehead, France were able to pull it back shortly after with a cracking shot from Nasri.  Look at Lescott's Forehead. What's going on there? England then did their usual thing of playing defensively in their half and just passing around. It makes for boring football. My dad reckons it's better to keep the ball than lose it, even if it's just being passed around whereas I shout 'GET FORWARD GET A GOAL.' The problem with trying to hold the ball is that England lose possession so easily and, because it's in their own half, leave themselves open to an easy goal. When they do lose possession my grandad says 'You bloody idiot' like a disappointed parent.    I think part of England's constant disappointment is that we build them up to be so much. ITV, on...

Big Jak Energy Drinks: Only 70 cents at Big Lots! Energy drinks are more than just cans of carbonated water that give preteens and young adults more reasons to run around and act like hyperactive idiots. The makers of ADHD medication all scream “gosh darnit!” in unison every time a new one of these comes out on the market.  But FUCK those people! Big Jak Energy Drinks are now available at Big Lots for only 70 cents. Holy Shit, the Class Train just stopped. I mean, there is an energy drink out there that is offering to “Jak You Up” and “Get Jak’d.” Oh baby, I am hard already. Overall, the taste isn’t bad. There is a little bit of a bite that hits when you take the first sip, but it’s nothing really dramatic compared to some of the other things on the market. The taste is good. It is palatable, and it goes down rather smooth. However, after ¾ of the can, it starts to annoy you. It’s like eating an enormous plate of carbs. It starts out great, but after three f...

Song of the day: Emiliana Torrini wrote this!

The best moment of her career was when she wore a black wig in Donnie Darko, and she was only majorly hot for 14 seconds. Talk about a fucking quickie. That was the Fuck Ass of Quickies. Do you remember when Katie Holmes was replaced in the Batman franchise by Maggie Gyllenhaal, and you were like “oh shit” and “what the fuck?” Yes, the entire world felt the same way. Even as the song says “In Batman Begins, she was much hotter.” I wish I could remember if that was an actual song, or just a wet dream I had.  Anyway, the point and the crux of this is:   Question for You: Is Maggie Gyllenhaal actually hot?  She's got to be 18 in this. Right?  For example, I will say that the only movie where I have ever found Maggie Gyllenhaal truly hot has been Donnie Darko. I was watching DD (huhuh Double D’s) on Netflix Instant the other night. It’s weird because I am not sure if she’s actually legal in this film. For legal reasons, I am going to assume she was 18....

And here it is: http://www.npr.org/2012/06/10/154422085/first-listen-fiona-apple-the-idler-wheel Thoughts? Comments? Concerns? Check out "Hot Knife." I have what one would call a "lady boner" for it.

So, it’s summer, and that means it’s time for another season of everyone’s favorite campy, sexy, violent show. No, not Jersey Shore , you assholes. I may be shameless, but I have standards, as low as they are. I’ve been watching True Blood since it debuted back in 2008, and fortunately I haven’t gotten to the point where I’m just watching it to watch it (hello, Supernatural !). Last season sure did try my patience. Even though I liked the vampire politics and the crazy necromancer witch villain, a lot of the other stories fell flat. Tara became a lesbian (or bisexual? I don’t think it’s ever clarified) cage fighter in an attempt to make her character more interesting. (Spoiler! It didn’t work.) And storylines that I think could have been fruitful were cut short, such as Sam and Tommy’s combative relationship. And Lafayette getting possessed every five seconds was exhausting. While I’m also sure Sookie's trip to fairyland was necessary to a degree, I found myself roll...