The Useless Critic 2.0

ROSEBUD! Perhaps you heard not too long ago that "Vertigo" was named the best film of all time by British magazine Sight & Sound. This is in strict opposition to the commonly accepted idea that "Citizen Kane" is, in fact, the owner of this title. So somewhere, Orson Welles is quaking in his big grave. This begs the question- well, is "Vertigo" the best movie in history? If you asked me, and no one did for good reason, I would have said "Casablanca," which is truly an epic, historically-rich romance. Ingrid Bergman and Nazis:  WHAT gets better than that. This side of Easy Mac- UM NOTHING. So "Vertigo." I recently rewatched it because I didn't have anything better to do one Sunday night. neither did he. Have you seen the movie? It's certainly a film that deserves repeated viewings. It's kind of hard to accurately describe...it's trippy.  The premise boils down to a fear of heights- hence the title. ...

In a follow up to yesterday's mild-mannered trashing of Cosmopolitan, today will focus on a more discreet attempt to convey bizarre messages, including those that come from home furnishing stores. As it forces upon us: Men must be like coffee...Hot. Strong. Good. If that's what women want, that's fine. However, if every coin has two sides, and if every positive can only exist as long as there is a negative.... QATFYG: What do men want? What must women be like? Women Must be like Cafe Lattes: Sweet. Hot. Bubbly. Women Must be like Canning Jars: Useful. Purposeful. Always in the Kitchen. Women Must be like Megan Fox: Attractive. Wealthy. That's It. Women Must be like Comic Books: Easy to Read. Never Complicated. Tight Clothing is Somehow Always Involved. Women Must be like Rubber Bands: Flexible. Brainless. Easily Disposable.

1. Ricky Gervais had some decent jokes, others were dumb and distasteful (I never thought I would ever say that word.) 2. "Avatar" won best picture/drama and James Cameron best director. I confess I didn't see that coming. That better be one Orgasmic movie. It's weird because I thought they just made a movie called "Avatar:The Last Airbender" based on the cartoon show and directed by M. Night Shamalyan. (spelling doesn't count.) 3. "Dexter" won two globes, one going to my idol, Michael C. Hall, and one to the legend John Lithgow. This made my night. "Dexter" is so good, no joke. 4. "Mad Men" won another award or something, and I don't think anyone thought twice about it. 5. Lea Michele did not win for "Glee" as best actress in a comedy series, sad face, but Toni Collette won for "The United States of Tara!" I heard this show described as something nobody watches, but it's amazing. I have to see it...