Skip to main content

Posts

Showing posts from September, 2011

Beck Fan Art!

Since I didn't get to make a fan video for Beck like I did for Zooey and Mila. Created from some loyal fans. QATFYG: Beavis and Butthead?

Oh Land, Bjork's long lost Danish daughter, and her new song.

Okay, in a very unsurprising turn of events, I saw Oh Land again this week. I know I have a problem. I'M THE FIRST TO ADMIT IT. And as usually, she was phenomenal live- like she's a very good live performer. I think that's what made me such a big fan. Maybe?  Anyway, my dear Oh Land attached a song to the purely-exists-for-Taylor-Lautner-vehicle  Abducted  soundtrack. Abducted  is being panned, I am pretty sure, across the board.  BUT THIS SONG IS AMAZING ANYWAY I know it's a long way away, but God I am excited for her new album! <3 see you kids later

Dear Dearest: Miley Cyrus

Disclaimer: As promised, this Wednesday begins a new weekly column, which may or not be like what follows. Consider this the pilot, and snail mail is expensive, so these have to be sent out via Twitter. Dear Dearest Miley Cyrus, Hey, Oh Gosh, it’s so hard for me to begin because for years, I never found you sexually attractive. I guess, it isn’t my fault since the first time I saw you was at age 13. However, now that you’re legal in all 50 states, including Alaska and Puerto Rico, I see little reason why we could not get together sometime. AND NO, I am not looking for anything serious. After all, benefits are the most beneficial part of life. I hope you know that I am a huge fan. I hope you don’t think I’m fat..because I’m not. I meant huge as I have a well-hung attitude toward supporting you in any direction or position you should choose. More importantly, when those dudes photoshop’d your face on CGI images of you naked, I strongly protested (silently). Please note, that I stumbled

A List of Reasons to Like Beck

One Reason List: 1. Listen to the last 20 Seconds of "Devil's Haircut." If that doesn't make you like Beck, I don't know what will. QATFYG: What do you need to like Beck? PS: I hope someone else mentions "Devil's Haircut" this week.

Bjork Owns the Swan.

No matter what she does, or how much she accomplishes...Bjork will always be known for the Swan on the red carpet. Say what you want... I would take the swan over Cher. :P

Bjork/Beck Week!

Yes, that is right. This week is Bjork/Beck Week. It's pretty straightforward. Every other day will be about Bjork. Every other will be about Beck. Let's see where this shall take us. PS: She has such a great look. ;)

Catching Up With Facebook Page of The Day

First things first- while I have this sudden rush of energy: - Peripheral Surveys is seeking submissions on the theme of "Chaos." I'm the fiction editor, so please! kemp.britt@gmail.com by October 10th plz. kemp.britt@gmail.com, you know you know. (I still remember when I was setting up that email...it was right after my 21st birthday, I was depressed and of minimal life-force, Cara talked me through it because she's a SLUT. ahem. no, I didn't write 1/3rd of this just wearing a towel!)  also, Peripheral Surveys is badly in need of a web editor a la " Officially looking for a website/html editor who are well-versed in FB and Tweeter integration for PS+." pages for you to fan as a result: Peripheral Surveys Ian L. Surraville - one very talented writer/designer SEE ABOVE and also, fan Chelsea Clinton please and don't ask questions. thanks.

YOU NEED TO HEAR THIS: Lana Del Rey

One of my wonderful Finnish friends, Mira, introduced me to this chick. She reminds me a bit of Sia. But more of a singer-songwriter than her. It's a very riveting song, nonetheless.  What do you make of her ? I'm intrigued. I guess a lot of music bloggers hate her because she's hot and of "dubious origins" but you know me I spent an hour listening to Laura Branigan last night a.k.a I DON'T GIVE A FUCKKKK (yeah Peaches)

I'D HIT IT RETURNS

Yes. Like "Rocket Man," it's been a long, long time. but the Movie Man's post from earlier this week inspired me... Ryan Gosling. I'M SORRY WHERE DID THIS URGE COME FROM AGAIN, SOUTH AMERICA? It started after I watched Crazy Stupid Love . Admittedly, Lars and the Real Girl  is one of my favorite films. and I've never seen The Notebook. (well, select parts!) he's just so full of some James Dean/Marlon Brando masculinity that's lost in today's world. I suppose it's the part of me that secretly aches to shop at Nordstrom that is attracted to him. God help me. BUT HIS VOICE. HIS VOICE. OH MY GOD. seriously, I think straight men would drop their pants for that shit. yes, he dated Rachel McAdams for a very long time. BUT ARE YOU AWARE HIM AND SANDRA BULLOCK WERE A COUPLE? GET IT GIRL. I don't know who he dates these days. my hopes: - Christina Ricci (o hay Pan Am ) - Emma Stone question:  

Kurt goes apeshit for Night of Hunters

Pictured: Tori going apeshit over this review. Let me be honest. I have not been a fan of Tori Amos' recent work. And I've given her a lot of shit for her “concept” albums and overall craziness. Abnormally Attracted to Sin , anyone? What was with her face? Linda Hunt called, she wants her sexy back. Pictured: WTF am I looking at? Okay, okay, sorry Tori. I still hold a lot of resentment for that album. "Some give blood/I give love." American Pussycat Doll Posse , or whatever it was called, made me long for her suckling a pig on Boys for Pele . Needless to say (but I will anyways), I haven't wholly enjoyed a Tori album since Choirgirl Hotel , and even that is stretching it (honorable mention to Scarlet's Walk ). Pictured here: Sadness  I did like it slightly more than Abnormally Attracted to Sin . But not by much.  And The Beekeeper ? Well... Pictured: GAAAAAH WHY TORI WHY When I heard Night of Hunters was anoth

GUEST POST: Office Review!

Caution!  Spoilers alert!!! - Ursula I love this time of year, partly due to the cooler weather and appearance of sweaters and boots in the shop windows but mostly because ALL MY SHOWS come back.  Thursday night on NBC has been an evening of bliss for me and many of my friends for a couple of years now.  This Thursday was no different.  I couldn’t wait. Oh, except obviously it was different, what with Steve Carrell having finished his career on The Office at the end of the 7 th season.  And we got to find out who was replacing him.  Not replacing him like actually getting an actor to replace Steve (this ain’t no Ashton Kutcher = Charlie Sheen), but replacing him as in finding out who’d be the new boss. And it was: Andy Bernard. And I was like… whaaaaaaaat? I didn’t particularly love any of the candidates from the end of last season.  Did anyone?  They were all either nuts or just blah.  Except maybe for Robert California (played by that guy everyone but me seems to recognize

Beyond Hyperborea

"What is left in a universe without Sheen?" The post-Sheen era of The 2.5 begins with a funeral bereft of expression of grief. In a show like this, it's expected. Unfortunately, the multitude of jokes about sexually transmitted diseases and hating Charlie flop like Leno talking Lewinski in 2011. It is disappointing and seems slapped together, without the writers' usual cleverness, blunt, with no phrases humorously flipped. After this scene, I committed suicide, so I am unable to comment further from personal experience. However, at my funeral, I overheard some coffin talk that detailed the rest. I should warn you, should this be accurate, it might spoil the show, which already aired this week and may not air again in the forseeable future: The funniest scene in the entire show is Jon Cryer being startled and throwing the contents of an urn all over the floor. Yes, this is the best scene in the most-watched episode of the series, ever. Ashton Kutcher is competent

Spotlight/Shoutout: Two Years of Wednesdays

Hello World. It’s almost impossible to believe, but it’s been two long years to the date since Spotlight/Shoutout started. This weekly award has been one of my favorite parts of The UC, and looking back it really does feel like a journey, or even like climbing a ladder. It really feels like only last week the column was just getting started in its early phases. “Heyo, so something new is in the works here.” This is a segment, which has seen so many memories. “Does Sarah Hyland look like she could be Amanda Seyfried’s little sister?” It’s held some of my favorite works on The UC. “This bitch knows how to moisturize.” It’s also distributed some of my worst. “Terrence Howard earns this award even after doing "The Salon." In "The Salon," he was such a fu*king bitch!” And it even holds some of my most bizarre “In the vid, he is the bar-tending African American (in a hat). Yup :(“ (I have no idea why I wrote that.) Week after week, I’ve had the pleasure of writing this se

Yeah, there's a Neuro for that (and other miscellaneous other thoughts).

Do you remember this summer when I spent all my passing time at the library and wrote a review of the SUGARFREE ENERGY DRINKS ?  well, yeah. duh. that post was epic . Today though, I found out my 99 cent caffeine booster at the was MIA. (yeah, I jumped ships, sue me! I r only humann). Which led me in a dilemma: - should I get coffee? (nahhhh coffee is better at night when I want to postpone sleep) - should I just get a Diet Coke? (no.) So I tried one of these damn Neuro Waters I see everywhere. Apparently they help you: - have sex - sleep - lose weight - be happy - cure cancer - join the cast of Two and a Half Men The ads on the subway proudly tell me that "yeah, there's a Neuro for that." Isn't that some like Apple promotion? "Yeah, there's an app for that." Oh blow me. (just saying!) Well, I ended up picking the water that's supposed to make you "playfully energetic" AKAKAKAKA "neurogasm." Yup. The sexy water. Sometime

Ryan Gosling is so damn cool in "Drive," as is the entire film

Drive (2011) 100 min., rated R. Grade: A Smooth, alive, aurally and visually stylish, and cast to a fare-thee-well, "Drive" is only a genre piece on the surface. It's a lot more than that; a neo-noirish crime thriller, a character study, a love story, and a mood piece that completely envelopes you in its atmosphere. Also, it's sitting pretty as one of the best films of 2011. Danish director Nicolas Winding Refn is known for combining pulpy violence with arthouse aesthetics. 2008's bonkers, expressionistic "Bronson" was Refn's calling card and an explosive "A Star is Born" showcase for Tom Hardy's talents, and now "Drive" is his first cinematic symphony.  Ryan Gosling, known only as "Driver" and sometimes called "kid," is a force of mysterious cool as a part-time mechanic/movie stuntman who moonlights as a getaway driver. He has no real family and doesn't really come from anywhere, but he's lived

Kurt's not-at-all-comprehensive (and alcohol-fueled) Emmys coverage

So, yeah, the Emmys are tonight, and I figured I'd do some liveblogging or whatever you kids are calling it. Jane Lynch is hosting, and even though I absolutely hate that fruity high school singing show she's on, she's a damn funny lady. Did you see her in Best in Show? 7:00 Right now, I'm watching the dreadful red carpet.  7:04 Joel McHale is looking fine, though. More to come soon...god these red carpet things are fucking excruciating. 7:17 ZOOEY. God that new show she's on...I'm conflicted. That's all I'll say for now. I've since grabbed a beer, because I think this will be far more enjoyable for all of us if I get trashed while watching this shit. 7:28 Amy Poehler and Will Arnett are fucking adorable. And Mrs. Chris Martin is PISSED she's not getting screen time. Fuck her. So I have to say, if I'm rooting for anyone, it's Parks and Recreation . Are you watching this show? Do you know how brilliant it is? Did you kno

Pumpkin Spice Latte: A Useless Review

The best part of St. Patrick’s Day celebration is undoubtedly the Shamrock Shakes from the Golden Arches, and just as life would have it, the best part of the fall season is the Pumpkin Spice Latte from Starbucks. The first impression of a PSL is the aromatic wave that moves upon you right before the first sip. It’s where you can smell the strong, yet not overbearing, pumpkin spice and cinnamon. It is well-known that Starbucks doesn’t charge for whipped cream as a coffee topping. However, it is strange to say that the PSL doesn’t need it. The actual flavorings of the latte are very balanced, so the addition of whipped cream almost takes away from the flavors. If you were ordering a plain tall brew coffee from Starbucks, I would think you were nuts for not adding whipped cream, considering that their tall “fresh” brews taste like mud. It can only be deduced that they make their $1.70 coffee taste like dirt, so people will only purchase the pumpkin spice for $4.00 and over. Regardless, i

Irish McLean

It’s been a long time since Don McLean was featured on the UC. When it comes to this guy, two words often come to mind. “American Pie.” However, beyond the 5 week number one hit, Don McLean has recorded many Irish traditional songs. I think that must have something to do with his last name. To begin, the first Irish song I ever heard from Don McLean was “The Mountains of Mourne,” which was originally writing by Percy French on the back of a postcard, so one legend once said. His version of this classic is not bad. It’s a little softer than I would have imagined it, but he carries a very comforting feeling with his voice. Moving onward, this next one is a two song piece. The first is “No Irish Need Apply.” He does this one very lively, and there s something just unique about the accent he puts on for the song. The second song in this bit is “Johnny McEldoo,” and I will say that Don McLean does the best version of this that I know. He opens it well, and carries the narration of the lyr

Creepin' right along to St. Vincent

First of all, thanks for growing your hair out, girlll! Second of all:  the new album. Strange Mercy . what do you think? Reader, I'm a little at a loss. When this album is good it is BRILLIANT. St. Vincent is very accessible and does have a pop feel to her sound, yes, a cloying little female singer-songwriter vehicle like so many before her. Think Regina Spektor, even (egads). but what separates her from the fold is she sounds like she is slowly going insane. or maybe she's already insane BUT WE JUST DON'T KNOW. That's how this whole album is. Even Actor  didn't leave me feel like I had stumbled out of a dreamlike daze this much. I mean that in the least pretentious way possible, by the by. It just happens to be how so much of it is. "Hysterical Strength" (my personal favorite btw), "Year of the Tiger," "Dilettante"...each song is carried by some supernatural, some disembodied element. Like she's half-awake and humming.

RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:shoes

I kind of hate myself, you know?

RE: AWM, I'd Take These Over Jordan's

*I don't care what year it is. Before I die, I will own Shaqnosis. Shaq's Last Appearence:Clicky Here

Making Babies (Or Music) With KlairKia.

I recently met up with the on-the-rise singer/songwriter/poet/dancer Klairkia . She has a lot to offer the world and is set to take it by storm, it seems. She's one determined lady!  I was very late to our meeting- the first IN PERSON Useless Critic interview- because I work way way way out by Coney Island where everyone is Russian and I'm not. But she was nice enough to wait for me and to give me the benefit of the doubt that I was indeed on my way.  The first thing that struck me about her was how beautiful and personable she was, and the next thing was how DRIVEN she was. I mean, my god, this girl has a gift and she's going to let the world know about it, no matter what. Her new record is about to come out to the public on September 16th (my brother's birthday, happy early birthday Joe). It's called Who's Bad , which is a partial nod to Michael Jackson, that late "king of pop." As she explained, both Jacksons have been big influences on her