The Useless Critic 2.0

6.) The Kardashians will decide to embrace an Amish lifestyle. 5.)Miley Cyrus will announce her celibacy I actually may regret saying that. 4.) I will successfully complete a push-up. 3.) The Internet will collectively get bored of Jennifer Lawrence. (I have no clue, J.Law.) 2.) Vladimir Putin will resign from politics to become an organic beet farmer in Siberia. (he's going to live forever, I think.) 1.) Beyonce will write a guest post for the Useless Critic. It will be about the work of Jonathan Franzen. I haven't been posting a lot because honestly, I've been depressed and distracted. Sry.

Jack? Warning:  I have been building up some bitchiness and here, I unleash it on "Argo," "Lincoln" and "The Life of Pi." Hi all. I've been in a creative slump lately, so forgive me for my silence. I may have broken my brain. However, the Golden Globes have become my favorite awards show over the years....so I can't NOT post about them. Plus, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are hosting them in 2013. That must be in the Bible, somewhere. So here are the nominations that just came out and my profound, half-awake thoughts on them: - I like how "The Dark Knight" was snubbed from nearly everything. I read this might have something to do with the Aurora shooting. That's horrible, but could be the case. - I like how Anne Hathaway is still existing. You go girl! - Who gives a shit about "Argo?" Or "Lincoln?" Why are you people all acting like "Lincoln" is groundbreaking WE ALL KNOW HOW IT ENDS - Who is ...

OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD ramble:  ajdrekrekrejerakere

It was just a matter of time until I brought this back. It's been on and off for years, much like Lisa Left Eye Lopes and her football player boyfriend until her untimely death RIP LISA.  Anyway. Arthur Rimbaud was an extremely cool French poet before cool even existed. I mean the 1800s, obviously.  you know he was cool because Leo played him in a film! Rimbaud grew up an exquisite little terror; he was one of the reasons people are frightened to have children (cough). He slept around with the poet Paul Verlaine and was a general degenerate, as a lot of poets are/can be. That's cool; I'm just calling the pot black here. He traveled around a lot and died in an exotic location of an exotic ailment (ooh) at the age of 37.  But his legacy! Rimbaud influenced Allen Ginsberg, Bob Dylan and Patti "Just Kids" Smith in the 20th century. See, what did I tell you? COOL. read on: Lives I       Oh! the huge avenues of the holy land, t...

1.) He's a beautiful man. Have we SEEN Romeo+Juliet ? thank you. 2.) He is one degree away from Marion Cotillard, but then again:  so is Kate Winslet. FML.  3.) He's been in some AWESOME films. Inception, Gangs of New York, Catch Me If You Can.  And soon to be: THE GREAT GATSBY 4.) He's done some great things for the environment in terms of lobbying and starpower. Do not include The Beach  in this category. 5.) He dates models. All the fucking time. I want his life. I WANT YOU TO DRAW ME LIKE YOU DO YOUR FRENCH GIRLS