The Useless Critic 2.0

As many of you know, I tried and tried to arrange a David Lee Roth interview at the beginning of the summer without so much success: I watched his " Just a Gigolo " video for probably the first time since 1987 this past May, was delighted, and decided I needed to talk to him about this. Sadly, my requests weren’t honored and I became confused, because, really?, has anyone really wanted to talk to him since his Crazy from the Heat follow-up, which I can’t remember the title of? Probably not. As for you, C.C. Deville? I may have hoped to use you as a half-hearted replacement, but can’t believe your publicist wasn’t even polite enough to respond! And I don’t feel motivated to look-up the dudes from King Diamond , which is just as well because I doubt they possess much in the way of a non-“mayhem / the devil / gash” vocabulary. Please don’t click that. Anyway, it wasn’t until several days ago upon coming across this article, Van Halen said to be working on new album with David L...

In the second section of the first volume of Marcel Proust’s In Search of Lost Time , “Swann in Love,” when Charles Swann is insisting Odette tell him of her other suspected lovers, his line of reasoning of needing to know follows that he’ll stop bothering her about it so often because being able to picture a thing, to bring it out of the unknown, brings him a sense of relief. “The truly horrifying things,” he continues, “are the ones you can’t imagine.” Early 20th century American poet, Edna Millay, disagrees. As she wrote in “The Unexplorer”— There was a road ran past our house Too lovely to explore. I asked my mother once — she said That if you followed where it led It brought you to the milk-man’s door. (That’s why I have not traveled more.) — Subsequently, it was the mystery of a small dirt road which always had the three year-old version of myself always wanting to walk down it despite never having the confidence of asking my father to take me, and losing the opportunity altogeth...