The Useless Critic 2.0

To anyone who has the dream of writing your own screenplay and kicking Hollywood’s ass (or fucking its face depending on your screenplay), know that it is possible. The Daily Show and the Washington Post both reported the story of how Kristen Wiig and Annie Mumolo wrote “Bridesmaids,” which is…. 1.        Two people had an idea. 2.        They bought a “How to Write a Screenplay Book.” 3.        They came over for carrots and crackers and other stuff you eat with your hands. 4.        They put their idea into writing. 5.        Nomination for an Academy Award It is that simple. If you are someone that has the idea and the dream, know that it is possible.If you have the idea and the dream, what are you waiting for? Get Writing.

Forget what you know about movies, and forget what you know about movie reviews. This one from Mike Judge has nothing in the book of conventions. I had the chance to watch "Extract" in French, but I don't speak any French, so recently, I finally saw it in English. When it comes to the filmmaking of Mike Judge, of course I was a fan of "Office Space," "King of the Hill," "Beavis and Butthead," and even "Idiocracy." So I greatly awaited what this film had to offer. The premise is Jason Bateman is trying to fuck Mila Kunis :P So far off to a good start. However, Jason Bateman is sadly married to a coupon designer named Kristen Wiig. (Forget character names). A Wife is a Horrible Cockblock  The plot thickens like brownie batter as Jason Bateman takes advice from hairy Ben Affleck and plans to have Kristen Wiig sleep with Ethan from 90210, otherwise known as the sweatshirt wearing bonehead in the photo above, Dustin Milliga...

 Sequels traditionally are such mixed bags, and I don't know about you guyz out there in the peanut gallery, but Bridesmaids  is easily one of my favorite films of recent memory. So earnestly hilarious, from start to finish. And sequels seem to be the realm of shitty, cheese-tastic action films. Or comedies without quite as much heart or talent. So I have a lot of....uh, ambivalent feelings.  Last I heard, Kristen Wiig was still in talks for a sequel. What do you think? I'd totally steal fitness classes too, for the record. And also, Ellie Kemper is the cutest thing in the world.

Hello UCverse: This week is Kristen Wiig week here at The UC, and the lovely lady will fall into the same select line of stars that have had an entire week devoted to them. I wonder if this is the same value as winning a Golden Globe...maybe a Screen Actor.  Anyway, Kristen is now no longer part of the SNL line up, but that doesn't mean her image will fade. Furthermore, get ready for more.  PS: Did I pick the right photo? HELL YES I did.

By Guest Writer: Sarah Mantione When it comes to commercials, most people hit the mute button, get something to eat, or just tune them out. A lot of the time they are a nuisance or so loud and obnoxious we grow to hate them. One campaign actually has me seeking them out on YouTube when I can't sleep. The Allstate "Mayhem" ads starring Dean Winters (Oz, 30 Rock) have me completely addicted. I’ve watched them all and even listened to some of the radio spots. The amazing thing is they’re actually funny. I am impressed when a campaign like this comes along because you only have about thirty seconds to get the product out and (if we’re lucky) be entertaining. They first appeared in July 2010 and they are still so creative they are winning awards. One was received just last week at the New York Festivals International Advertising Awards. So when I saw that Allstate had some new commercials coming out, I was looking forward to them, with the expectation of the same level ...

Personally, I find it very hard to imagine life without television shows. Not to sound mental or anything, I just feel they offer such a fascinating sense of escapism from everyday life, especially when a particular series contains characters and/or storylines you can instantly relate to. With that in mind, I thought it would be interesting to provide you guys with the 411 on the recent primetime schedule announcements (otherwise known as upfronts) for the 2012–13 TV season by the five major US television networks: ABC, CBS, The CW, Fox and NBC. Sure, this information is all over the web, but you certainly won't find my witty remarks, laced with occasional raciness, anywhere else. Now, let's take a better look at which shows will be returning this fall—and which won't. The CW Renewed: 90210 • Gossip Girl • Hart of Dixie • The L.A. Complex • Nikita • Supernatural • The Vampire Diaries Cancelled: One Tree Hill (final season) • Ringer • The Secret Circle ...

by Ursula New Girl is easily my favorite new show of the year.  Yes, yes, there’s Zooey Deschanel.  Zooey with the enormous eyes and the voice that alternates between gruff/sexy and something that makes you want to yell at her to clear out her throat.  Yes, we all love Zooey, and her character Jess, who are basically the same person. The other characters on New Girl are solid, too.  Schmidt is a hilarious, genuinely-sweet-but-has-trouble-keeping-it-in-his-pants cheeseball.  Nick is, in my opinion, the one Jess will eventually end up with when she realizes that he’s all she ever wanted: smart but lazy, just looking for someone who will be nice to him.  And then there’s Winston, who’s little more than the family pet, but he offers decent comic relief when everyone else is moping. The idea behind New Girl, of course, is to develop a strong female character (Zooey/Jess—Jooey?  Okay, I apologize for that one) who’s just a little bit different....

By Guest Writer: Jacob Astudillo  I have no doubt that most of us like music we don't readily admit to like, but our dirty little secrets have a strange tendency to eventually surface. Some might shamefacedly have been caught singing "Backstreet's Back" in the bathroom, or an S Club 7 song might surprisingly have been discovered in a person's Mp3-player to the merciless mocking of his peers. Yes, I believe the majority like music we are ashamed to like. Because that kind of music is crap, and admitting we like it is tantamount to admit we like crap. And naturally we are ashamed to admit we like crap. Who wouldn't be? I'll tell you who wouldn't: Justin Bieberfans. Walking in a park in my hometown last year, I saw a curious spectacle; the amount of teenage girls gathered to openly manifest their love for this prepubescent singer was legio. I even saw a banner which proclaimed: "The Justin Bieber Fan Club". Besid...

As heard on the Great Gatsb y   trailer. A very raw and powerful U2 cover. Oh, Jack.

Hello, and happy Wednesday. Thank you for tuning in, and there is a brand new Celeb Stuff posted here at The UC. It's another Dear Dearest, and I am going to say this is my favorite one so far.  Celeb Stuff Page Up Top

OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD ramble:  ajdrekrekrejerakere

The send-off they did for her was quite good; Arcade Fire and Mick Jagger were involved. But Kristen was a talent to be reckoned with for nearly her whole duration on Saturday Night Live - it was like there as not one thing she was willing NOT to do. She will be missed but here's to hoping there are great milestones ahead for her. Question:  favorite Kristen Wiig sketch? and: See more here . We'll miss you Kristen!

Yeah. Not much happened, amirite? well. unless you live in Asia or California.

Today was a Bad Music Day Question: Do you listen to bad music just for fun? I have spent the entirety of this afternoon listening to bad music. I dug up some old treasures that I used to listen to back before people made playlists. Worst Song of the Day 3rd Strike: No Light This song is not as bad. Smoother. Better Melody. However, it just has too much of the 2002 MTV-2 Nail Polish. I was a rather big fan of this song back at that age. However, it’s a little too poppy for its own good, yet still not as bad as (see above). Ill Nino: What Comes Around Then, there is one from Adema. It’s not horrible either. In fact, the melody is rather entertaining. However, the lyrics are just way too serious for their “that’s what she said moments.” “I’ll get inside you….the way you like it….heh heh heh heh heh.” Adema : The Way you Like It PS: Fuck 2002's Music Scene

Well, the tattoo countdown has come and gone, and it was a great time sharing the Top 10 Hottest Celeb Tattoos of all time here at The UC. However, on that note, I thought it would only be fair to include some of the people that just didn't make the cut......barely....okay, not really barely, but here you go. Criminal: Michael Campbell Some Women who got Money from GoldenPalace.Com This Person  And of course, Guten Morgen Gucci Mane.  Ich kann deinen Ice Cream Face Sehen. Questions: Who is the winner?

It’s not the first time this name or this song has appeared on The UC, but today the world lost Donna Summer. The 63 year old singer was found dead earlier this morning. I used to say this song was my anthem for summer, and not just because of her name, but because of the energy. Energy is exactly the way to put it. Donna Summer’s music was known for her energy, vivacity, and of course sensuality. RIP Donna. Thank you for all the Notes. Questions for You: What is your anthem for summer?

Is he the heir to Damien Rice's throne? I don't know, but he sure is good. question:  would you ever do a flash mob?

To start: The UC readers are awesome. I love you all. To Continue: Mila Kunis Still Has a  LoveStalker The Mila Kunis stalker is at it again. Someone is once again tracking down the Russian Speaking actress that has been one of the few people to have an entire week long celebration here at The UC. Furthermore,  the "Mila Kunis Stalker" is an individual that has been tracking down the actress and breaking into her home, as well as following her from place to place. Lastly, the stalker has also been released from custody, so the News from United Arab Emirates reports.  I need better gossip :P Dubai doesn't give the Details.  Question for You: Who is the Mila Kunis stalker? Brittany Kemp? Me? Wilmer Valderama? Or that jerk that brings the news from the United Arab Emirates?

At long last, here is the second part of my personal recap of the first season finale of the CBS sitcom 2 Broke Girls . Damn, it's been exactly one week since the episode aired, I should be ashamed. Hopefully I'll be more efficient next time around. Anyway, hope you guys enjoyed Part 1, 'cause Part 2 will make you pee yo' pants! Not literally, be cause that would be pretty awkward. After Max and Caroline decide to go after Martha Stewart at the Met Ball, Sophie takes the girls to an upscale store and offers to buy them dresses for the event. According to Sophie, she i s Richard Gere and they are her two hookers (yes, cu e Pretty Woman reference). "Well, when you put it like that, I'm a little more comfortable," says Max, who also reve als that she's never really been a fan of balls: "In fact, always thought they got in the way, but here we are." Have I said I love her? The girls and Sophie are then seen goofing around and having a blast ...