The Useless Critic 2.0

I don't think I've done an "I'd Hit It" in quite some time, and so, in order to bring this back in grand fashion, I decided to do it for my great love, Marion Fucking Cotillard. I first fell in love with Marion Cotillard during her Oscars speech. It was 2006? 2007? And I remember how sincere and cute she was. Oh, goodness. I love cute foreign girls with accents. It is my weakness. And a French accent? You know she could read the phonebook and it would be sexy. Do not kid yourself. I always thought blonde girls were my type- but Marion Cotillard led me down some other rabbit hole. Oh, here: Anyway, Miss Marion will soon be appearing with Mila Kunis (not as a couple, although I so wish) in "Blood Ties." Directed by her "partner." Yeah, whatevs. Marion, you just haven't met me yet. There is nothing more attractive than a gorgeous fresh-faced woman. Also, she will be taking over for Natalie Portman in the newest Macbeth f...

Song of the Day (MARION COTILLARD!) I love the ending. "THANK YOU EVERYONE! *gong*" People really shouldn't be surprised by this video. Disturbed, maybe . But it's David Bowie.  It's a good song, though. 

... 1.) Love Me If You Dare  (2003) - this movie is French and ridiculous. like you really need to suspend disbelief to see this movie and enjoy it. but if you liked more Americanized French movies such as Amelie, this will just be a natural progression for you. Marion Cotillard met her longtime partner ,   Guillaume Canet on the set of this film. Believable couple with good chemistry- it's whimsical, hilarious and heartbreaking. It's also very French. Happy birthday, Marion! Days I do not miss.  2.) The Perks of Being a Wallflower (2012)- I will forego the urge to leave a review of this film but WOW it was sublime. I mean- instant classic material. The book was captured to a T. the whole cast is brilliant and it captures adolescence so sincerely and naturally. My friend Jeremy (and occasional writer) left an awesome review of this film here . HE DOES NOT LIE. My favorite scene by far was the dance to "Come on Eileen." Hands down this has my vote fo...

I love foreign films but I feel this would be 10000 times more effective.... SHOULD I KNOW WHAT THEY ARE SAYING!!!! Oui? Anyway:  it appears interesting. This is the French Big Chill, supposedly.

I'm sorry. On a serious note, I would like to express my sorrow for the victims and families affected by the horrible shooting in Colorado. My deepest sympathy and thoughts are with all of them during what, I know from experience, is a heartbreaking and immensely difficult time. So, I went to the Batman midnight premiere with two big fans of the comic book and previous movies, my comrades Bryce and Kim. Kim wore her Dark Knight cape and short-shorts. If you don't think she was every pre-teen boy's wet dream, you would be wrong. Bryce bought the tickets last week (before they sold out - all I think, twelve or thirteen theaters at Tinseltown in Erie!) and we actually made decent time, i.e. I wasn't running late for once. My friend emailed me from the Batman marathon that had been ongoing since 6 p.m. to tell me, at around 9:00 p.m., people were already lining up. D: We went to Wegmans (HOLLA) on Peach and got snacks - sushi, gummi worms and sour patch kids for...

1.) The lack of true Marion Cotillard exposure 2.) Anne Hathaway! Damn! 3.) Bane? You speak ENGLISH? (Tom Hardy) 4.) Joseph Gordan Levitt! Wouldn't it be awesome if Zooey had a cameo? 5.) I can't say I noticed much else; I was searching for Marion. WHERE'S RACHEL

Here is the love of my life holding a Dior bag.  Marion Cotillard currently has a film playing at the Cannes film festival, Rust and Bone , which is being FAVORABLY COMPARED to that modern day classic, Antichrist .  Anyway, I missed writing about Marion for whatever reason, so here I am. Read the previous two posts! They have far more substance. 

1.) He's a beautiful man. Have we SEEN Romeo+Juliet ? thank you. 2.) He is one degree away from Marion Cotillard, but then again:  so is Kate Winslet. FML.  3.) He's been in some AWESOME films. Inception, Gangs of New York, Catch Me If You Can.  And soon to be: THE GREAT GATSBY 4.) He's done some great things for the environment in terms of lobbying and starpower. Do not include The Beach  in this category. 5.) He dates models. All the fucking time. I want his life. I WANT YOU TO DRAW ME LIKE YOU DO YOUR FRENCH GIRLS

I love Davis Gaines in a completely unhealthy yet G-rated way. He has the voice of power, and it is always great when I find new videos of his music on Youtube, especially this song, which comes from his solo album, "Against the Tide." In my first Davis Gaines post, I mentioned that Amazon.com was the only place I could find samples of his solo album. And now voila, This one is for you Marion. I hope you understand with the jazzy touches of this studio-worked piece, you and I could dance all night and drink lots and lots of Green tea with extra honey and a lemon wedge. This one from Davis Gaines would fit perfectly in a scene where we dance slowly in front of unknown spectators. QATFYG: How much tea can Marion Cotillard drink without getting buzzed? PS If you can't listen to this song and imagine yourself dancing alongside Marion Cotillard then your heart is made of ashes.

To make this honest, this is another blog wars challenge. This one is up against Shruti Vijh, who creatively writes the blogspot, Shruti -Click There! Check out her work centered around romantic essential validity. The Challenge: Who can write the better romantic fiction? The Response: I have Marion Cotillard on a silver platter begging with Chocolat et les Fraises. Instead of standard Flash fiction, I will toss around the sculptured masterworks known as rant-indulged prose. -- Marion's Eyelash The day I will meet Marion Cotillard is not a mystery to my intensivities. If an eyelash flew from the corner near her tear duct and floated across a thousand suns and moons only to have the gentle breeze drop it on my cheek, I would gasp like the first time I heard music on 12 strings. I would press my fingers against the lash, and I would know…I would just know that in some strange corner between the universe and nothingness Marion Cotillard’s fingers were on her cheek, and she was dreami...

People make montages for everything. EVERYTHANG. I kid you not, I found a tribute to Marion done to Shaggy's "Angel." SOME PEOPLE JUST HAVE NO TASTE. MARION SET TO EDITH PIAF ENJOY IT, SAVOR IT, LIGHT SOME CANDLES AND LICK IT yeah, youtube is such an odd sociological phenomenon to me.  also, this exists:   LIKE I SAID, ODD SOCIOLOGICAL PHENOMENON. I rather watch a Marion montage than some up-close footage of Noni's feet. fun fact:  I will fantasize about these two things later. 

Wednesday is the stage, and Planet Earth is the backdrop. I will give you fair warning that today is only a tease for tomorrow. Marion Cotillard is a mistress of forgotten magic. She is the first person in the last 200 years to completely seduce the male ideology with only her eyes. Like the bittersweet rush of Cocoa Power spreading through your sinuses,or that moment at a the end of the dream, where you can't tell if you are still glued to your pillow or in the dust of stars. Marion Cotillard has one of the most pure and sexual looks in all of present acting. She has sexuality and darkness, but only in the most sensual kinds. QATFYG: Are you excited for tomorrow?

Selena Gomez has been in the rough as they say, and Yahoo News was on a feverish fire as they announced multiple times that she had been hospitalized for illness. Instead of a card that reads, “Get Well Soon,” I want to send something more positive for Selena; here is a list of ways that she is similar to Academy Award Winner Marion Cotillard. 1. They both act. 2. They both have faces. 3. They both sing. 4. They both have been frisked by airport security. 5. They both have earned major awards for acting.* 6. They both have eaten nuts. 7. They both have done studio recording. 8. They both have sold albums and DVDs. 9. They both have lost plasma and not the kind from stars. 10. They both have touched purple dinosaurs.** 11. They both understand the importance of depth. 12. They both understand that milk is not always white.*** 13. They both have appeared on cable television. 14. They both have eaten food. 15. They both have tasted lipstick. 16. They both ...

This is a video of Marion Cotillard gasping in pain after she was pricked in the chest by the French cultural minister, who was trying to deliver some goods. Why am I posting this video? Just to say. Dear / Mon cher Minister of Culture, Next time, prick your ladies with something BIGGER you needlefish! By the way, these were the comments directly below the video. • A voir absolument sur youtube : Selektt festivity Watch absolutely on youtube : Selektt festivity newsmusicful 1 year ago • Il est pas trés douer le pauvre!! ^^' jujulie06400 1 year ago Reply • auuuchh! jajajaja ------------Spanish Laughter Gabowakko 1 year ago • BOYCOTT ISRAEL egalite92 1 year ago • she said, that men dont look her eyes, instead her breast... even she put a plastic breast in hes face, now she get what she wants, Mitterrand look her face not her breast that's why she get pricked, next time marion don't talk. QATFYG: If some people get damned, would you not feel sorry for them?

If her turns as Edith Piaf or in Nine  (but let's be honest, six people may have seen Nine ) didn't convince you of this, check her out with Franz Ferdinand for the Christian Dior campaign: Franz Ferdinand's music has been iffy for a while (secretly, I like a lot of it!) but DAMN. DAMN. DAMN. LET'S SEE KATE WINSLET DO THIS.

Have you seen it yet? Even my brother- my poor-taste-afflicted brother- has seen Inception and has nothing but good words to say about this. reason I will go: MARION. hello, did you even need to ask?

Which wasn't as terrible as the critics would like you to believe. I'll probably see it again at the dollar theater so I can get a better feel for it- it was a bit hard to follow at times and didn't come together quite as well, quite as tightly as, say, Chicago . That being said, the highlights of the film were, without a doubt: - Kate Hudson, holy shit. "Cinema Italiano" was probably the highest point. - Fergie, who like, took on a totally new dimension for me...I have more respect for her now, knowing how talented she was. - Sophia Loren. FIERCE. - Nicole Kidman, who I kept forgetting was even in this film- a small part, but I think she excels at it. her big song "Unusual Way" was gorgeous. - Penelope Cruz = hot hot hot. suck it. - MARION COTILLARD STOLE MY HEART AND BROKE IT. The scene where she shows up for the screen tests? omg. all in all....much better on stage, but just because it's mostly psychological doesn't make it bad. B-

If you know me, you know I'm like coming about this. even vaguely. every time I see ANYTHING (ANYTHING) related to this film.....I basically jizz in my pants. no shame. and this is coming from a person that hates musicals. I hate "Rent," I hate "Wicked." but THIS OMG OMG OMG. Like "New Moon" you are so dead to me right now. And you know how some people have countdowns to Christmas? that's what I'm doing right now, but it's only because Christmas indicates the national American release of "Nine." ZOMG!!! READ THIS READ THIS READ THIS READ THIS, KATE HUDSON AND MARION COTILLARD (akakaka my future spouse) SING ONTD POSTS BETTER THAN ME Kate Hudson has a SURPRISINGLY good set of pipes. but let's not lie about my reasons to see this. DDL I HATE CHOO

anyone that has talked to me recently knows, ever since I saw 500 Days (YESSS! recap to come soon) I've been geeking out for trailer for the upcoming movie version of Nine , made by the same team (led by Mr. Rob Marshall) that brought you Chicago . I seriously came when the trailer was over. I'm just that easy, I guess. here's the link to the trailer 'cause God won't let me embed it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_5_lzags3I it comes out November 25th here in the States. I can't WAIT THAT LONG - and I hate musicals! typically! reasons it won't suck - fucking Fellini wrote that shit. I'm going to rent 8 1/2 this weekend. consider it my cinematic education. - MARION COTILLARD .... ugh ugh ugh - Kate Hudson DANCES? Kate Hudson SINGS? - Daniel Day Lewis, he does NO WRONG - Penelope Cruz is such a temptress - Nicole Kidman! remember Moulin Rouge ? - SOPHIA LOREN AND DAME JUDI DENCH! LEGENDSSSS! - oh my God, FERGIE FERG AS A PROSTITUTE ahem To the D, to the ...

so the other night, after all the toy ukuleles we found were damaged or just plain crap, Jason and I saw "Public Enemies." which was OH MY GOD WHAT I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR. moviegasm! I've never had much appreciation for Michael Mann prior to this film. just another name I heard spat at when speaking of directors. but he did a fine, fine job with this. at times, it feels a bit long and like some things could well be cut out (I loved how Channing Tatum was billed as such a big role and he's in it for like, five minutes, if that) and of COURSE they romanticized Dillinger! how else would a movie like that work? (especially with Depp playing him) The Depression itself is glossed over; there are very few (if any) mentions to the historical timeframe. but who gives a shit! I went to a see a movie that was containing of: a.) fast-paced action scenes (SOMEBODY NEEDS TO BRING MACHINE GUNS BAAAAACK)- there was something interesting about the way it was shot, like very realist...