The Useless Critic 2.0

So I am spending my first Thanksgiving relatively alone. I have Smores curling up next to me; the other pigs are hopping about in their cage. But I have no plans. I was going to go to the Cracker Barrel; I may just get something cheaper and faster at McDonald's.  This really doesn't depress me- if anything I just feel lonely. I'm at that odd crossroads in life between my nuclear family (parents and siblings) and having a family (partner and kids). I've been very introspective all month, since November holds a lot of somber anniversaries for me. I feel confident that my life is going okay- and I really don't need to compare myself to others at the moment. However, I do have those times when I think: "Am I going to meet anyone? Am I lovable? Will I be a mother someday?" and I get all panicky I will be alone forever.  Because I mean- I just started to feel like a decent person again. And I know I am, but a lot of my self-worth is a reflection of ho...

Christmas 2011 wasn't especially horrible or great for me. It was just kind of there; an okay, quiet day in a stretch of chaos. It was the first year we had it just at home, which is kind of a bummer. I don't always have the greatest memories of my grandmother, but her house this time of year was tradition. I can still remember sitting on the white sofa in the living room once done eating, just listening to Christmas music and my cousins bickering around me, trying to center myself. but that is all the past. this year my cousins did their own thing on Jaysus' birthday, leaving me, my parents, and my siblings to fend for ourselves.  sometimes my mom comes up with big ideas she thinkssss will be amazing and tries to gently implement into our standing traditions. my family isn't big on change. my father is very much into (well, what appears like) black-and-white thinking. if my father were a caveman, I feel he'd say something like this:  FIRE! WHY DO WE NEEDS FIRE! ...

Why does this keep happening! This time, she was at least honest and said “I don’t do that” at the very beginning of the appointment, so I was spared having to spend the hour waiting to see if my hair was going to be turned into awkward formlessness once again because getting such an answer to “Do you have any ideas or suggestions?” basically took care of that. Its times like these, the mornings after, when I search inside to find my inner Davey Havok. Not Skateboard Davey or Glenn Danzig Davey, but all of the Davies since then. The Davies we’ve loved. When you were growing up and were getting old enough for your parents to start leaving you home alone, did you find ways to revel in this new freedom? How many times did you wrap a yellow towel around your head and make high heels out of soda cans to become a beautiful lady? Every time? Yes, yes you did. Although, like myself, you’re not in fourth grade anymore and have outgrown this, which is why, after salon-working women have again st...