The Useless Critic 2.0

Today I received a "Happy Three Year Anniversary," card...  from my tanning salo n. Her e's to you  artificial sunlight , the longest relationship I've ever had . 

You're nobody until you're talked about. Hey, Upper East Siders, Irina Cummings here. After six years of scandals, scheming, on-and-off relationships , and fabulous outfits, Gossip Girl , the most scandalous, glamorous, and mind-blowingly inappropriate television show of our time, sadly came to an end last week on Monday (December 17). In other words, my life has lost all meaning. I mean, it's the end of a fucking era! I can't even begin to describe what this show means to me; it marked my transition from high school to young adulthood, in a similar way to the characters themselves (okay, minus the wealth). I stuck with it even when it wasn't exactly in its prime during seasons 4 and especially 5. Needless to say I am constantly wishing my life would be just like the series (admit it, you've wished it too at some point). Oh, and the weird "shipping" portmanteaus—Chair, Dair, Derena, Serenate... I'm still not sure which one I should have been r...

Song of the Day It could only get more Swedish if they sang in Svenska. By the way, click on the label "Song of the Day" to get a great collection of songs from this past year! 

Only Slightly Miserables My bearded manfriend agreed to see "Les Miserables" with me on Christmas Day, first and foremost because it's been our tradition, three years in a row now, to see a movie on the bebe Jesus's birthday, second because my birthday is coming up and third - because he knew it would make me happy. I think in the months leading up to the release you could graph our reactions as such: the higher on the joyful scale my enthusiasm rose the deeper his dropped. My manfriend is not into musicals, but he was a real trooper about it all. So I'd just like to say a special thank-you to Bryce for sitting through three hours of warbling with me. I emerged from the theater with many feelings.  Wait. Let me back up. I've been listening to Broadway musicals since I was six or seven years old, starting with "The Phantom of the Opera." I remember one Sunday when I was perhaps eight or nine, coming home from the mall with my parents, list...

Instead of recapping everything in a "best of" list (BECAUSE I ALREADY DID THAT WITH MY SPOTIFY PLAYLIST) here are just some songs you should have heard this year and appreciated. Note the curious absence of "Call Me Maybe." "I'm His Girl"- Friends did this appear on an episode of "Girls?" It should have. "Ritual"- Ellie Goulding It was our own writer Irina who turned me onto this song. It's very sexual, which is not something you would expect from "I Sang At the Royal Wedding" Ellie Goulding. "Florida"- Princeton We interviewed them ages ago. What a refreshing little song this is. "Comeback Kid"- Sleigh Bells Is it weird I find this song inspiring? Also, it's a good song to kick ass to. "Wicked Games"- The Weeknd Uh, wow? "Tides"- The Xx This album is amazing. Not much of a difference from their debut, but. Who cares? Their debut was g...

I've been posting a lot of stuff about the Brooklyn band E4RTH lately. Why? Well, they are interesting. And they are pretty good. And I don't need any other reasons. Thus, I decided to do the logical next step: to interview them. The last Useless Critic Interview of 2012. May 2013 be filled with many more! There is also something to be said for both honesty and brevity. Ahem.  UC: How did you celebrate the End of the World? E: Mostly checking our phones to see what people thought of the new track. UC: How's the reception been for your R.E.M cover? E: Pretty good! A lot of people talking about it and a few who seem genuinely offended. (it happens. as long as it wasn't Michael Stipe...) UC: What do you have going on at the moment? What are your newest projects? E: This week we're doing a video for HEX4GONAL, a mixtape called "The Game Of Life," a new track called "Ashey Feet" featuring Lurrell Low, and 2 x 2 Chainz bootlegs.  Al...

Song of the Day Hands down, my favorite song of 2012. I  debated about this a lot but I can't get enough of this song. Say what you will, but I personally can't get enough of this song. "HELLO? HELLO?" I want to make a video to it of her in a mansion in a mink coat looking like she always does. Seriously, call me up Lana! :D

Enjoy it, kids! And perhaps consider making a donation to one of the fine charities listed here .  I was thinking of N*Sync when it came to this title, btw. 

I've been putting this off since March. So let's do this! I'm on vacation and that means the UC comes first for a few days. And family, I think. shut up Norman Rockwell.  you sassy bastard. Getting back to the task at hand, has there been anyone as vitriolic as Dorothy Parker? No. Never, and never again. Pippa Middleton can only dream of this! ... MY HERO. and you know, she did a lot for civil rights as well! Miss Parker is perhaps best remembered for her wit. I say that like I know her. Ha! She died in 1967 and I was born in 1988 so you do the math, buster.  Anyway, without further adieu, I present to you.... NINE OF HER BEST QUOTES! 9.) If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised. I believe this happened several times. 8.) She runs the gamut of emotions from A to B. - about Katharine Hepburn 7.)  I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true. Someday,...