The Useless Critic 2.0

Bristol Palin has been on one of the world's most publicized and also most dramatized roads to being a hot mom. A lot of negative press has surrounded Bristol Palin. Part of it because of her family ties (you think?). Part of it is also her poor taste in men (you really think?). However, when you get to it all, Bristol Palin still looks hot. She has a good smile, and she has AMAZING legs, which were highlighted during her performances on "Dancing with the Stars." (I almost said DWTS without mentioning that I want to kill Nancy Grace...so close). When Bristol Palin wore red on DWTS, the rest of the entire season fell to the background. I have never seen a single episode of "Dancing with the Stars," and I only know about this because her red dress was broadcast on the morning news. When you wear a short dress and show off your legs, and people think it's worthy of national media attention, you are hot. When I say news, yes it was FOX News, but that is kind of ...

PLOTS. AND SHE PLOTS. AND SHE PLOTS AND DOES NOT SLEEP AND GETS READY TO EAT THE PLACENTA OF THE WALRUS TREE. /copyright 2008 B-Kemp Industries you know SNL is PSYCHED about this. 

SARAH PALIN'S ALASKA by Henrik Ibsen Sarah: Hi y'all! Welcome to the 50 th state! Alaaaaaaska , which I have called home since I crawled up here from somewhere in the American Northwest and which has been the property of the United States since we bought it from the Ruskies for a Big Mac. * Powerpoint presentation of Alaska ensues* Sarah: I'm Sarah Palin and I should be vice president! Look at my fleece coat! I bought this at LL Bean with some of your tax money! Then I bought a Big Mac, but it was made of wolves. ho ho ho Sarah: Let's take a look at my house! Come on! *leads around her mansion, which apparently overlooks Moscow* Sarah: *pointing at a water bed* And that's where the magic happens. Or Trig, in my case. ho ho ho! *Todd drives up on a snowmobile* Todd: Hey baby, I just got back from seal hunting and reading the constitution. Sarah: I love that LL Bean fleece you're wearing. Todd: Thanks. *they make out (imagine THIS )* Sarah: Well, see here f...

like a cry for help! but here's what I have to report: - Margaret Cho had a breakdown but she's totally still in the running. - Sarah Palin is always so happy to be in the audience! this bitch will never be president! - some young black actor (not sure his name) is a really, really good dancer. I think they danced to Weezer? - the Situation came SO CLOSE to leaving, so close. - do not mess with the Floho!!!! - Michael Bolton went home. Why? because he's a no-talent asshole. and God hates him. also all his strength was in his hair. WHERE IS YOUR HAIR NOW, MICHAEL? - Jennifer Grey deserves to make it to the final rounds. - JANELLE MONAE? - the Situation needs to count his greasy blessings, for sure. - Brandy is still alive, everyone. rest happy. - how is the Hoff already gone :( p.s. for AWM: conclusion: this is the best season ever.

My idea: Comedy Central roasts Judge Judy. Why? Because it would be funny, and she is old! It would be almost as good as if they roasted Barb Walters, but I am sure some fembot would complain (Diane Sawyer). I would love to see JJ get torn apart by people less successful than her! I don't give orders to comedy central, but stick this on your calender, and I will be waiting. So if this were to happen, who would be on the panel of insulting, washed-up, rejected comedians? Obv Greg Giraldo and Jeff Ross. (Boredom) Gilbert Gottfried. Perhaps, Martin Sheen. Someone from the cast of the Fresh Prince. Raven-Simone. Wolf Blitzer. New York. Sarah Palin's son-in-law (if he aint snorting his mother's oxy-cotin pills) and of course, Mitch Hedberg...shit, he's dead. Too soon? By the way, if you are wondering what the point of this post is...the answer is nothing! QATFYG: How exactly do you spell Oxy-Cotin? No idea.

So some 20 year old apparently hacked into Sarah P's email account and revealed her personal information. David Kernell, otherwise known as the Red Herring, the Tomato of Evil, the Marinara Hackeranera. Now he is 22, and he is being charged and facing up to 50 yrs in jail. Does this sound excessive? I admit what he did was wrong, and he should be punished, however, this is something that should not lead to 50 years in jail or any jail time at all. For an issue like this, *reading someone's email and showing it to people.* He deserves probation and community service at the most. Because despite what Sarah says....There was no intent to harm her. He calls it simply a "College prank" and it is a little more serious than that, but divulging someone's personal email should not give you the sentence of 50 years or anything close to it. Think: there have been murderers, rapists, pedophiles, and arsonists whom have received less than 50 years in jail for their crimes. So ...

hold a gun to your head? teabag you? make you smell my crotch? bake pancakes? let me know; I'm all ears. I personally am probably going to see this. the Sarah Palin joke won me over. Sarah Jessica Parker + Hugh Grant = WIN sorry I've been so absent lately. life is rough. how was Halloweenie for you? do anything exciting? be attacked by ghosts? the Roma? H1N1? are there less trick-or-treaters now than ever???? :O

I know, I know, I know. I don't know. also, Lady Gaga has Rainer Maria Rilke quotes tattooed on her. says he is her "favorite philosopher." what an enigma she is.

"am I too shy to save the world?": http://img.slate.com/id/2222834 (I have this same problem) "Why Language May Shape Our Thoughts:" http://www.newsweek.com/id/205985 (I don't see how you can NOT be fascinated by linguistics. I wish Edinboro actually had a linguistics department. By the way, the new Newsweek is sitting quite well with me, although it's a jolt.) lastly, I've started reading the New York Times (in the print) again, and this article, while a little old, never fails to amuse: "Sarah Palin's Diary:" http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/08/opinion/08dowd.html --- NEW KINGS OF CONVENIENCE SINGLE?????: http://inkiostro.splinder.com/post/20975990/Kings+of+the+Cold translate that if you can! while we're on the ambiguous subject of "Norwegians," I believe the new Annie album is (FINALLY) coming out in September. FINALLY. FINALLY. cocktease. - Brittany

Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind. "Mankind." That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it's fate that today is the Fourth of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom... Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution... but from annihilation. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist. And should we win the day, the Fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day the world declared in one voice: "We will not go quietly into the night!" We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on! We're going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day!