The Useless Critic 2.0

Part of a five-part series that will begin and end today SUP EVERYONE. Did you know  Sweden is a musical mecca? yeah I thought so! After all, they did bring us the world's best pop group ever.... okay, so I love ABBA. just like everyone else that breathes oxygen. but did you know what OTHER great bands/performers have hailed from Heaven/Sverige??? NO, NOT JUST THE A-TEENS OR ACE OF BASE. Although "Beautiful Life" is catchy shit: my sister loved Ace of Base when we were kids. so I grew up listening to a lot of Ace of Base. it became my standard thing, whenever "The Sign" was played, to imagine the elaborate music video I would direct for it, if ever given the chance. this video would include the following: - my stuffed animals dressed as Indians. - Zuck Park (google it) - some kind of gigantic gong? anyway, this music video has ever yet to see the light of day. and you know, I just remembered this whole thing like six months ago. weird, wei...

It was kind of disappointing how the Grog Shop didn’t play anything by Tiffany or Berlin between sets, especially given all of the mid-80’s Madonna; was kind digging Ace of Base with everyone else, but the first opening act walked onto the stage while insisting they weren’t No Age . Two reasons to hate them, and we had just met! Oh but did you know, about a block and a half away, Harry and the Potters were performing in the alleyway behind the bookstore and every other song they did was the one about Hagrid? Maybe you were too busy standing in line for Sleigh Bells? We got to make heart hands while going “Hagrid!” and some other people made book noises during one of the other songs which were like “swish swish swish,” because books apparently do that when their pages are being turned! This was totally better than the first band—if they were actually No Age, not playing “Ripped Knees” would have been rude, especially because I / hundreds of people kept shouting for it, but their refusa...