The Useless Critic 2.0

SURPRISE, BITCH. Last Saturday (April 12), queen Gwen Stefani pulled a Madison Montgomery on the crowd at Coachella as she joined Pharrell Williams onstage to perform her 2005 hit "Hollaback Girl." I know it's her biggest solo hit yet and it was produced by The Neptunes, but it isn't exactly my favorite Gwen song. The whole thing was pretty awesome and exciting anyway, I mean, she's Gwen fucking Stefani after all. I wonder if this means that Gwen might make a solo comeback soon! Gwen, if you're reading this (of course she is), I need a new solo album in my life!! I'm so sick of seeing Pharrell everywhere, though. And his dumbass hat as well. Can someone kill it with fire already?

So, I went to Coachella for the first time this year, right? It was amazing, for the most part. I only say for the most part because of something that happened the first night that had nothing to do with the festival itself. BUT ANYWAY. The third and last day, Death from Above 1979 performed. It was their first real show in maybe 5-6 years. I really wanted to see them even though I only knew one song, "Romantic Rights", and even that I knew vaguely because the friend that I was with at Coachella had put it on a mix she made for me and it was cool and everything, whatever. However, during their set the equivalent of a musical orgasm (aurgasm?), eye porn, etc etc occurred that made me reevaluate my life and changed my life for the next couple of months so far thereafter - I became OBSESSED with Death From Above 1979. Obsessed. Specifically with the lead singer, Sebastien Grainger. Hell, I even became slightly just as obsessed with the pornstache and the shittiness of fellow mem...

I should probably make a Coachella post sometime soon, yeah? It was almost a month ago that I had the time of my life in 90 degree heat for 3 days in a row. For now I will leave you with this and this

At the hipster haven this past weekend. sigh. one day I will go to Coachella, and YOU BITCHES ARE JUST GOING TO FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER. I'll be like, on my smart phone:   Kirsten Dunst and I just vomited together. omg, when is Passion Pit and MGMT going to show up for the pee-stained orgy? WHY IS THERE A PBR IN MY HAND? white people problems, indeed. I have no idea about this new song, btw. NO ONE DOES (except hipsters and I'm just a fraud). Cut Copy announced a show in Pittsburgh on July 11th at Club Zoo, which sounds either gay or like an U2 tribute. here is a song I've had in my head all day: the VOICE better save her or she's a loster cause than Charlie Sheen's kids. HAPPY BIRTHDAY SANDRA

Too bad my dream (our dream) of Blur finally playing Coachella isn't coming true. Too bad the rumors about Joan As Police Woman and the cast of It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia are not true. I do (we do) know this, though: I'm definitely going to Coachella, and...maybe Crystal Cast lest will be there.

Arguably the best and most expensive music festival there is, that I will ONE GLORIOUS DAY attend, Coachella, is this weekend in California. Acts playing this year: Beach House, MGMT (who I am so over!), The Cribs (or wait, stupid volcano), Jay-Z, LCD Soundsystem, Them Crooked Vultures, Grizzly Bear, Vampire Weekend, Gorillaz, Thom Yorke, Hockey, Pavement, Muse, Tiesto, Spoon, Hadouken! (I love that name), Mew, Sia, Dirty Projectors....I could go on but it will just make you sad. One year, one year. Maybe next year? We will play it by ear. I have been bad at updating and there are two things I MUST write about in the future. So I will try this weekend. Right now, it's 6 am. be gentle with me plz. I'm looking for a job and I'm graduating in less than a month. Yung Loc is playing Edinboro next Friday. yup. Music news you should be aware of: - She & Him have probably the best album of the year JUST SAYING - Hole put out a new album? - Kate Nash has a new album out too but...

- New Beach House. - New Spoon. - New Surfer Blood. of the above, what is the best? O_O also, isn't the Coachella line-up pretty swell? THE WHITE STRIPES? SIGUR ROS? OMG WHO WANTS TO TAKE ME THERE