The Useless Critic 2.0

Hey-o. At this point, it appears these awards will become a regular event. The month of June, I've decided to celebrate the  Colossal Ego That Is Kanye West . I love his sunglasses here. Even douchenozzles can DRESS well. I'm sure Aesop has a fable about it.  I like Kanye generally. He's kind of obnoxious but he's pretty talented. He just is one of those people who don't realize they need a filter or to think before they spew words out. However, his interview with the New York Times - HOLY shit. For you. For what’s right. I am so credible and so influential and so relevant that I will change things. So when the next little girl that wants to be, you know, a musician and give up her anonymity and her voice to express her talent and bring something special to the world, and it’s time for us to roll out and say, “Did this person have the biggest thing of the year?” — that thing is more fair because I was there. Seriously: What the FUCK does that ...

Before we go any further, let's all take a moment to appreciate the unapologetic awesomeness of this David LaChapelle-directed 2 Broke Girls promo that aired during last Sunday's Super Bowl: Best Super Bowl commercial ever—yes or yes? I love the '80s cheesiness to it. Needless to say that Kat looks immaculately hot . Ugh, I just wanna transplant her face onto mine. Beth looks pretty hot too, of course. Okay, back to the recap... Max and Caroline don't have enough money to buy supplies for the next day, so they resort to stealing from the diner's kitchen. At Oleg's suggestion, Caroline proceeds to stash eggs into her bra, with a little assistance from Max. Earl comes in to warn them that Han (who's staying late to do inventory) is coming their way, and even offers to fake a stroke. Max says she will deal with Han while Caroline keeps stuffing her cleave with eggs, much to Oleg's voyeuristic delight. "Keep it up and we'll finally have an a...

We're advancing! Aren't these just simply the most EXCITING times? Oh shut up. I know this countdown is the highlight of your life. Don't act like that's not true . #6- When Kanye West Talks Why? Because he's got a notorious rep for apparently not thinking before he blabbers. The first incident of this was just right after Katrina hit and devastated NOLA. On national television, with one awkward Mike Myers by his side, he announced that "George Bush hates black people." And granted, even though this was kind of a dumb moment, he did have a point because of the sociopolitical aspect of the Katrina response. However, it really wasn't the medium   for that kind of message and it could have been just a LITTLE more articulate. Then, this happened. <- He totally alpha-dogged TayTay (TM) on behalf of Beyonce at the MTV Awards. TayTay! The best part of this? Beyonce's reaction obviously. She just was like "really? REALLY ?" La...

Is this April Fools Day or is this serious gossip on the net. The two youngest half-sisters of Kim Kardashian, Kendall and Kylie are geared up to write their very first novel. Read this Plagiarized Excerpt: "Kylie and Kendall Jenner are penning their first novel … at 14 and 16 years old. The Kardashian spin-off sisters have decided to stake their claim in the literary world and are looking to make the next Twilight series. The book would be targeting the young-adult audience and the Jenner girls are hoping to release it by the end of the summer. ”I think we will definitely get it done with how fast [the process] is going,” Kylie revealed." Questions for You: Is this real? Or is this a joke? Or is this going to be the next best seller, somewhere in between "The Hunger Games" and "The Help?" Lastly, what is the title of Kendall / Kylie book going to be? "Soft Lips / Softer Hips"? EW, I sure hope not.  PS: Little Known Fact, K...

Cocktails from Kim Kardashian Heh! So Suck My ShamWow Cock, E! News online is now littered, and yes littered, with clippings of Kim Kardashian and her role as the spokesperson for Midori. No shit, it's legit. Their website was so Green it look like St. Patrick's Day, or just any day at a Green Brothel. I don’t really know what Midori is, and I’ve never tasted it, but I will say with certainty that the message they are sending their customers is that *if you buy the Kim Kardashian-endorsed product, you will turn into a bloated buttfucked whore*.  I know it's hard to see, but yes, she is scratching her butt. Questions for You: Who wants to go out and buy some Midori? I wonder if they’ll pay The UC for some Free Advertising.  

Are you just going to look at this photo and not read a single word of the article? It's cool; the only reason I read it is because I was the one who wrote it. Hey, look. It's a picture of Rush Limbaugh back when he had hair. I have no idea if this is old news or new news, but I will certify that it was dug up today on Yahoo for some reason. The words of Conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh surfaced again during a segment that surprisingly also mentioned Morrissey. Rush Limbaugh's Statement on Barack Obama: "He's becoming Barack Kardashian. I'll tell you that's what he’s becoming,” Limbaugh said Tuesday on his talk show . “He is becoming the male Kim Kardashian with this stuff, and it's been building. He is [the] celebrity of the United States." Really? I mean, I know some people just say stuff to get attention and to get noticed by media outlets and crying agencies such as Yahoo News. However, Really? Obama is Barack Kardashian?...

CHECK IT http://soundcloud.com/soft-spoken/skrillex-vs-capital-cities I like how Kim Kardashian got divorced and the world stopped. I like how Zooey Deschanel got divorced and we all came to the realization she was waking up and being like "um, what am I doing here?" I call it an epiphany. Jennifer Lopez is being tapped (tapped!) to star in the new Carmen San Diego  movie. WHERE IN THE WORLD IS MARC ANTHONY! *smash gong* RIP Andy Rooney.  so, in honor of Parks and Recreation , do you want to share YOUR BUCKET LIST with the world? or at least the users of this blog? CONTEST CONTEST CONTEST

I'm just going to come out and say it: right now I'm charging my iPod and importing Taylor Swift's Speak Now in anticipation of putting it on said iPod. I just bought it (gasp! a real CD!) and drove down McKnight Road and back blaring the whole thing. I'm going to go ahead and give it a B+ (although I'm tempted by an A- -) overall. The title song is totally cute. Dear John is, well, um. Mean feels like an anthem. While I'm here... John Mayer and Kim Kardashian? They're both kind of cut from the same cloth, if you ask me. Discuss!