Skip to main content

Posts

Showing posts from January, 2012

Clann Zu: Rua Album Review...Thank You AWM

Good Morning. Good Afternoon. Good Evening and Good Night. In recent times, I have had the fortune of receiving an enormous amount of new music thanks to AWM, and this is the first of several album reviews. The first stab goes toward the album Rua from Clann Zu. For starters, I had not been familiar with these guys at all. It's too bad because they play a style that normally stands out to me. My windows media player lists their genre as rock, but I would go a little further and say they are folk metal. Rock is definitely an understatement. From some of the info provided, I learned they are an Australian-Irish sound, and this album is overall very fun to listen to. The best track is certainly "Words for Snow," which is the first on the list. The lyrics are bold. The music is strong, and the instrumentals are dramatic, a quality I adore. I am hooked on this song. Pretty Sexy. As the tracks go down the list, some of them really do not capture the engaging effect...meaning it

Tomorrow, in Brooklyn, at night!

1/31 Brooklyn Bowl (cool place)  doors at 8pm 8:30pm- Gross Relations 9:30pm- Lost Boy? 10:30pm- Wild Yaks 11:30pm- EULA $5 RSVP-  https://www.facebook. com/events/218212051604195/

New muzak this Monday morn

Ladyhawke + Goldfrapp. See: and Goldfrapp:

Hello Pippa: Are You Still Single?

Images like this are still available at certain newsstands, even though this gossip is old and dried up by now. However, this is a solid question for Pippa Middleton, the sister of the Duchess of Cambridge. Is the Sister of the Duchess a real royal title? NO DAMMIT! So if I have to see these types of headlines, I wonder why Pippa has not been listening to me all along. Dear Pippa: If you think you cannot get a date, GET A JOB! No, I do not mean a real job like party planning or family business. Get a job in entertainment, so your life is not filled with nothingness. Go host "Forensic Files" or become this generation's "Wheel of Fortune" girl, something with longevity. This is most frustrating thing in the world for me, and I am not even you. Is it not possible for you to record a pop album and use whatever software Rebecca Black did to get famous? Maybe if you do something with your fame, people will not have to use your personal life as filler in tabloids. I wi

The UC Podcast: Best Lyrics Ever and the iPhone Factory

QATFYG: Do you watch Downton Abbey? What are your favorite song lyrics of all time? Would you kill for an iPhone? Would you kill Nancy Grace?

American Trailer Tramp: The Brittany Kemp Pop album review

disclaimer:  I am writing this as a spoof of the Lana Del Rey reviews I keep encountering...rather holier-than-thou....here's an example .  Who is she and where did she come from? Does it matter? Whenever she returns to whatever meth capital she crawled out of, the sooner the better! I mean, meth is profitable, and guaranteed her voice is 90 percent autotune, she has more of a career in THAT than modern music. Somewhere, friends, Katy Perry is convulsing and crying. Convulsing, crying. Rinse and repeat.  Back in August, Brittany Kemp made the musical rounds with her song "Pinball Machine," which was quick to become a youtube sensation. The video was renowned for its redubbing of several Designing Women  episodes. The song's lyrics were stale and predictable, if NOT a just....weird. As we hear Kemp's nicotine-infiltrated voice warble "When we have sex/I go back and forth/like a pinball ball/balllllll/boo-boo-de-boo." Whatever kind of sex this weird

An Open Letter to the Actress: Milena Govich

Dear Milena Govich, Hey, how are you? What is up? Well, I assume you might get 5-7 fan letters a week, but I hope the glitter on my envelope stood out to you. In all seriousness, I have not been the most loyal fan of your filmography, but in the opening credits of the 2006 show, “Conviction,” I got to see you in your underwear. Ever since then, I have been one of your most active online stalkers (not a crime in all states I think). In the next letter, I promise to include an underwear photo for you, so we'll be even. Milena, I remember even back to the days when you worked on one of those other 200 Dick Wolf projects you did...what was the name of that show? “Law and Order.” Yes, that was it. You made history as playing the first female lead detective on the “Law and Order” original franchise for your role as Detective Cassidy. However, I will have to note your performance was strongly tainted when Chevy Chase guest-starred and gave you the nickname, “Detective Sugar-Tits.” At leas

Hottest Milf Countdown #3- Cara Will Be Pissed- GISELE

aka Tom Brady's pillow. has there been a model in recent history better-looking than Leo's leftovers? and oh....SHE HAD BABEHS BABEHS WORK IT GIRL she could have 9000 babies and she'd still be as hot as ST. ELMO'S FIRE. #truth

Hottest Milf Countdown: Demi Moore @ #4 or An Emotional Outpouring

Demi has fallen on rough times, as of late. And what can I say? Somewhere, my heart twitches for her. The former "Mrs. Kutcher" is one fierce lady- like the cast of the incredible Cougar Town  all rolled into one. She doesn't deserve this! She's aged flawlessly after having several bbs with ex Bruce- do you remember Charlie's Angels ? I'm a devout Cameron Diaz fan but who gave a shit in that film- DEMI WAS 40 AND LOOKED 20 So what if she likes to party! Who doesn't. She's transitioned well from the Brat Pack, she's done some impressive charity work, I've been told in person she's a "nice lady," she's raised some daughters ONE OF WHICH is Rumer Willis who is an all right actor in her own right. Yeah, Ashton screwed her over but SO WHAT. call Ryan Gosling, Demi! you two would be so great together! so this is one tough MILF, even if she's MIA right now. she'll be back. CAN'T KEEP A HOT MILF DOWN. good luck D

SiriusXM gets in on the magic @ Canadian Music Week

TORONTO, ON - January 26, 2012 -  SiriusXM Canada (TSX: XSR), the country's leading audio entertainment company, today announced that it will host the SiriusXM Indie Awards as part of its sponsorship of Canadian Music Week. The 12 th  annual celebration acknowledging the year's top Canadian independent bands   will take place in Toronto at the Fairmont Royal York Hotel on Saturday, March 24, 2012. The awards show will feature performances from some of last year's hottest artists including The Sheepdogs, Dan Mangan and Rich Aucoin. SiriusXM subscribers across Canada and the U.S. will be able to listen to the Awards and concert live on The Verge on XM 151 and Iceberg on SIRIUS 151. "SiriusXM Canada is excited and proud to present the SiriusXM Indie Awards as part of Canadian Music Week," said Andreanne Sasseville, Director, Industry Relations and Canadian Content Development, SiriusXM Canada. "We're looking forward to showcasing an amazing night of performa

HOTTEST MILF COUNTDOWN: #5 Diane Keaton

I'm listening to Sleigh Bells as I write this, as to increase the intensity.  Diane Keaton is what we can easily refer to as the "eternal hottie." Look at her from the 1970s and she is gorgeous. like she was carved from marble. watch Annie Hall  and seriously watch it it's one of the best movies of all time. but DIANE HAD KIDS. flash forward STILL HOT how do some women age so gracefully? like Diane, whatever serum you are on, BB I WANT IT. and also- she's sharp as a whip and as funny as ever. her book! I just started to read it. holy shit. no wonder Al Pacino dated this lady. she's wearing those glasses BETTER THAN YOU. Diane Keaton:  the thinkingwoman's milf, we salute you. la dee da. question:  WOULD SHE LISTEN TO SLEIGH BELLS WITH ME? oh hell that would be DOPE

Some Men Just Want to Watch the World Burn

As of RECENT it has been my goal to listen through my CD collection meticulously and discard the refuse. It has been a slow-moving process, and there is much ground to cover. And along the way I've rediscovered some greats. I was supposed to attend a bar trivia game tonight, but my partners' in crimes' last minute decis'ion to go drinking in College Town US'A has' changed my plans'. Thus, Babyland. According to memory, Babyland WAS an "electronic junk punk" band from California. The two-man group was notable for its outdoor shows, where the percussionist, I guess, would bang on a variety of industrial equipment, use belt sanders on oil drums and other forms of madness. The premise is reminiscent of Einsturzende Neubauten's but the end result is a more kinetic experience, a sort of nihilistic, noisy dance music. This particular album is called YOU SUCK CRAP. How cool is that? If you could imagine a cross between Einsturzende Neubauten and At

NEW COMEBACK KID SLEIGH BELLS CAN'T THINK STRAIGHT

You can find a better version of this song here . Sleigh Bells are touring North America. I am falling in love with them again. TELL 'EM  

Hottest MILF Countdown: #6 Kourtney Kardashian (#WhereCreditIsDue)

This part of the countdown is one that I love. Kourtney Kardashian has had one of the most publicized, dramatized, and documented paths to motherhood. Almost every moment of her pregnancies have been thrown all over magazines and tabloids across the world, not to mention electronic and television media as well. Hot Mom Look. Regardless of how much attention falls on the blown-out-of-proportion lifestyles of the Kardashian Klan (heh), Kourtney has an amazing look. Her main strength in hotness is her combination of her feminine curves, exotic quality, trendsetting, and over all sex appeal. Here at The UC, an entire page on "Celeb Stuff," used to showcase Kourtney's appearances in Maxim as proof that she was hotter than Kim. Remember this? I remember this. That is one of the hardwall debates I encounter all the time. People often battle on this, but Kourtney is hotter than sister, Kim. Tough. QATFYG: Who is the hottest Armenian you know? What is the hottest trend to ever hap

Hottest MILF Countdown: #7 Mary Tyler Moore (You Know It)

As this countdown rolls onward, it might appear that the #7 spot is almost time traveling. However, when dealing with the concept of hot mothers or to be more specific to the acronym, MILF, mothers I'd like to fork, Mary Tyler Moore pulls off all the qualities of a hot mom...and she did it for generations. The most irrefutable fact going on here is Mary Tyler Moore was hot. She has the glamorous and finesse look of course, but also the realistic touch, which looks like the to-die-for hot mom next door. Of course Mary Tyler Moore took motherhood on in a different role with "Like Mother, Like Son: The Strange Story of Sante and Kenny Kimes." My family swore this film was a bad influence on me. Thank You Mary. Mary Tyler Moore is the mother of her only son, Richard Meeker. QATFYG: Would you hit this? If not, get the fuck out.

a follow-up to the Digerati interview!

thanks to Adrian for this IN ACTION pic!

Hottest MILF Countdown: #9 Bristol Palin

Bristol Palin has been on one of the world's most publicized and also most dramatized roads to being a hot mom. A lot of negative press has surrounded Bristol Palin. Part of it because of her family ties (you think?). Part of it is also her poor taste in men (you really think?). However, when you get to it all, Bristol Palin still looks hot. She has a good smile, and she has AMAZING legs, which were highlighted during her performances on "Dancing with the Stars." (I almost said DWTS without mentioning that I want to kill Nancy Grace...so close). When Bristol Palin wore red on DWTS, the rest of the entire season fell to the background. I have never seen a single episode of "Dancing with the Stars," and I only know about this because her red dress was broadcast on the morning news. When you wear a short dress and show off your legs, and people think it's worthy of national media attention, you are hot. When I say news, yes it was FOX News, but that is kind of

Oh, look another interview!: Young Digerati + Free Muzak

First of all, these guys were pretty nice!  SECOND Who are these good-looking boys? Why, they are the Young Digerati and they recognize the hankering you have for some 1980s synthpop. If you like things that sound good....and you should....you will like them! They recently toured the WEST COAST with Oh Land! Pretty dope, if you ask me. Oh wait; you didn't.  This is how they describe themselves:   Young Digerati are the architects of a synth-heavy, Anglo-centric, (small “r”) romantic sound that could have been built only in San Francisco (or in 1985) . read on to discover more.... because odds are, someday YOU HEARD IT (read it?) here first ;) So what's going on with you guys RIGHT now? - the dopes at the Useless Critic Suave Young Band: Right now we're writing, writing, writing. We've put together a nice collection of about 25 songs and are adding more to that number weekly. We perform in Northern California mostly a couple times a month and are in the pr

Epic Fail: So True

Thank you Sami Cambell Cowsert for sharing this one.

Amelia Earhart: Bringing New Meaning To "Airhead"

So Al's post about Ainsley Earhardt continues to be ravingly popular. Good for Al and the bitch with a great name. However, I, in my blinding stupidity, always misread it as... AMELIA EARHART! and then I think "why is it so popular?" DUHHHH. Amelia Earhart hasn't been a celebrity sensation since the 1930s. and we all know the 1930s were so long ago. so very long ago! LIFE WHY MUST YOU BE SO HARD my best friend's great-great-uncle invented the folding chair. cool huh? shut up. anyway, because of this invention, my best friend's family has an autographed photo of AMELIA. yup! my great great grandfather invented the Kemp Shredder. google that shit. I would be the heir to something if so many people hadn't been injured by it. this is it.  yeah don't hate. so! Amelia Earhart gained her fame for being one brave lady aviator, way back in the day. like she was crossing all over all kinds of bodies of water.  this was when that was a big deal

Volunteer Service in North Korea

QATFYG: Volunteer Service in North Korea? Is it possible? It’s been almost two months since the world saw the passing of the North Korean dictator, Kim Jong Il, and even now, very little new information from the world’s most undocumented nation has been released to the international circuit. North Korea is somewhat of a mystery on many levels. However, certain features of their internal dynamics are rising to international attention. During the 1990’s the notorious famine devasted the rural areas (or any area outside of the capital, Pyongyang). At present foreign aid negotiations between USA and North Korea are underway. Excerpt from Choe Sang-Hun's article in NY Times: "Officials from the United States and North Korea met in Beijing (Early December) to discuss the possible terms of resuming humanitarian aid shipments to the impoverished North. The meeting followed a series of appeals from United Nations and private American relief agencies for urgent aid for the most vulnerab

when you just stopped believing in love!

as long as online dating exists, I JUST WON'T STOP RIP HEIDIKLUMSEALRUMBABOT  you were so good together. so good.

Mitt Romney Looks Like a Condom and Other Stories...

In recent news Mitt Romney has been taking a major fall in the South Carolina polls, and just for that there has been some more gossip flying around about him in the cybersphere. Some of the Upload from the latest UC Podcast, and the remainder will be posted ASAP. and a bonus vid QATFYG: What is your favorite thing about Mitt Romney? Mine is that there is an entire feature on him in our book "The Best of The Useless Critic...So Far" For Sale in The UC Store.

Arguably, the best interview ever! (JJ)

is it? YOU DECIDE JJ is a band from Sweden that have worked with Ne-Yo in the past. I guess they'd meet the criteria of being called "dreampop." This is a slightly outdated Scandinavian week post, BTW. Anyway, I emailed them with several (rather stupid) questions. The responses? CLASSIC. enjoy, what is probably the best interview I have ever done. Thanks, JJ!  How are you guys doing? How is Sweden? e - It's raining today, trying to make the pain go away. I feel life. This is life. Heartbreaking. So much love, sometimes too much love for my human heart to handle. I feel that I really fucked everything up today. I'm angry over all my mistakes. But no time for regrets. “The darker the night, the brighter the stars, The deeper the grief, the closer is God!” I have problems respecting myself. Takes time to feel all sorrow, to understand how and why mankind told my brain to feel something that was so far away from my heart. I pa

the average man from Erie.

please note this is based off my in-person observations in addition to social media. - has a bad assortment of facial hair - likes shitty music (i.e. Seether, DMB, etc) - is likely overweight - wears jeans and sneakers a lot - does not read because READING IS GAY - or they like Chuck Palahniuk - hobbies:  drinking, bowling, perhaps hunting, mostly drinky - likes to drink Bud Light, Molsen, beers of that tier - has a shitty car - loves movies like  Boondock Saints - probably has their favorite restaurant as the Olive Garden - buys clothes at Sears - COME AT ME, BRO - dates girls named Michelle, Stacey and the such - probs did not go to college - smells like too much cologne - I'M NOT JUDGING THE GIRLS AREN'T MUCH BETTER EITHER

The Useless Critic eStore: Now Has a Twitter

In a follow up to the last post, The UC Store (seen in pages here) now is on Twitter. So if you were to ever want the latest news and updates on The UC, Things Rich People Do, and Futurism... Follow @The_UC_Store on Twitter. If you also are somewhat intrigued by the cover above, feel free to give any of our books a read. No Harm Done. ;) QATFYG: What is your Twitter handle? We'll follow you.

Honorary Golden Globes I'd Hit It

Charlize Theron. Yes. She Can Do No Wrong. I Would Climb Her Like A Tree.

"Do you know what rock and roll is?" Part 1

When David Geffen rejected Neil Young's Old Ways because it was a country album rather than rock and roll, Neil said, "Do you know what rock and roll is?" Neil grew up listening to British instrumental group, The Shadows. He found Hank Marvin's guitar technique influential. I have recently purchased this compilation , allegedly highlighting the very best of The Shadows' output. Do you know what rock and roll is?

ICELANDIC MUSIC PRIMER or Bjork For Universal President Overlord

Hi there. That's a nice t-shirt you are wearing, or not wearing. Have you been working out? I thought so.  So, here's the end of our journey. The long and winding road has come to its close. And yet, we're still here, together. but guess what, bitch? I'm letting go of your hand! ICELAND:  COME VISIT. WE'RE BROKE. MITT ROMNEY COULD BUY US.  what name is first in Icelandic music? or anything really? BJORK.  I was googling "how to piss off an Eskimo" earlier and I thought of ways to piss off Bjork, as to make that train of thought relevant.  here are are some methods: - talk to her about art - poke her with a stick - blame her for global warming - tell her to vote for Ron Paul - greet her at the airport. be like "welcome to Philadelphia, Bjork!" WHAM oh, who comes after Bjork? Sigur Ros , obviously. Let's group Jonsi (lead singer) in with that. so pretty! I am fortunate enough to share my birthday with the next lad