The Useless Critic 2.0

Traveling back in time to review films is always a favorite of mine, but this sort of feels like that show “7 Days” when what’s his name could only travel back seven days. I am barely going back into the past, but time travel is still exciting regardless. Anyone ever see the film “Minutemen?” Synopsis/Premise/Info So “The Happening” is a centered around “Mark Wahlberg,” and Zooey Deschanel gets to serve as his female companion/ person of intercourse (she’s like his HO or something; I forget). This film came from director M. Night Shameelaaan, coming off of his critically-butchered and Golden Raspberry crowning film “Lady in the Water.” “The Happening” proved to be different in plot but the same in lousiness, but I hate to burst your bubble when I say it doesn’t have a twist at the end. In this film you can see Zooey Deschanel in an epic run for her life from plants that are mad at her, while Mark Wahlberg pretends to be smart. It sounds like I am being really dull and really lame when...

For starters, I am dealing with the Marky Mark not Mark L. Walberg; although, I was a huge fan of him on “Russian Roulette.” Here are four random moments in Mark Wahlberg’s chemical analysis, that will determine analytical things about his manly chemistry. Only picking four…… The Lovely Bones Jack Salmon People who have read the book, told me this movie was terrible. However, I thoroughly enjoyed this film. One reason was the eerily striking performance of Stanley Tucci (former s/s award winner), and the other was the subtle grieving nature of Mark Wahlberg. This role had something so honest. He was a father in mourning, and he played that well, but also, there was an intriguing almost mystic quality about his character that he brought into the world(s). The Italian Job Charlie Croker To be honest, I despised this film. I thought it was cocky and smug. I even created a word to describe it, “smocky.” I just felt it was so synthetic, and so many disagree with me, but Mark Wahlberg put on...

Mila Kunis v. Amy Adams in a vat of mud. I saw the Fighter yesterday, which I had no expectations for. like really, I couldn't get the big buzz around this movie. I like boxing, I think it's a noble sport, but really? come on. anyway I saw it and DAMN. Mark Wahlberg puts together a solid film- pretty much everyone who acts in this movie acts their little hearts out. ESPECIALLY THE GANG OF BOSTONIAN SISTER SKANKS. oh American classism movies. Amy Adams does an admirable job of breaking from the mold and Christian Bale!!!! crack is BAD, kids! RATING: A/9.3 Marion Cotillards out of a Gwen Stefani. p.s. this must be the year of crazy mom pictures.

On the eve of that fighting film she did with Mark Wahlberg (OSCARS? SMELL IT? BECAUSE I DO) coming out nationwide, the recent- babymama and gorgeous amazing superhuman Amy Adams has come out to say she's not asexual, despite people's notions of her otherwise. Amy Adams spoke about an interview with a reporter who seemed to be stunned the new mom and redheaded actress had ever had sex. “I didn ’t know what to say,” Adams said. “I was like, ‘Excuse me if it takes a minute to process the fact that you think I’m asexual.’ “Anyway, there’s something great about the world thinking I’m so innocent. Only it’s not true.” Adams recently gave birth to daughter Aviana with fiance Darren Le Gallo. She reveals she enjoys being a parent and it hasn't affected her career. Read more: http://www.thirdage.com/news/amy-adams-sexy-adams-insists-she-isnt-asexual_12-13-2010#ixzz182zZeyZs seriously though, if anyone in Hollywood was to be capable of an immaculate conception, I wouldn't put...

"Date Night" opens next Friday. On paper, it's a comedic dream team. Tina Fey. Steve Carell. but yet, when I finally caught the trailer, I was surprised because it did nothing for me: It also stars Mark Wahlberg, James Franco and OH MY GOD MILA KUNIS. but yeah, I would say it's less than I expected. still somewhat funny (in the middle, at least- "I don't want the kids to live with your mother!!!!") what do you think? also, the iPad was opened to the public to BUY BUY BUY today in New York City. some people waited for days to purchae the thing. I will not be able til afford this until 2013 and then it will be the less superior version which I will somehow manage to break. do you give a shit? y/n/maybe and also: HAPPY EASTER!