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Showing posts from October, 2010

so

I decided this year, for everyone's benefit, to only give candy to the children that appear at my door dressed like either Lady Gaga or a member of the tea party. also, I have recently become a fan of the show MODERN FAMILY on ABC. the Halloween episode was really something! "BUT IT'S MY CRAZY ASS HOLIDAY!" so good! Wednesday nights! you can also stream it online.

art contest results/LAST dead person of the day :(

I think I have to pay homage to the obvious dead person that has been lingering on all your minds: Michael Jackson - Thriller Uploaded by GGG40 . - Watch more comedy videos and sitcoms. I don't think the world has been the same since he died. so I am going to build Ke$ha's Funhouse and it will be between here and Pittsburgh. so like, Meadville I guess. but it will be a dead celebrity-themed haunted house, which I think is amazing. here is what I would have in my DEAD CELEBRITY KE$HA FUN PARADISE: - Aaliyah's plane (her Diary would be on repeat) - Princess Diana's house or palace or whatever - James Dean's car - wherever Tupac died - the hotel where they killed Selena at (omg that was really, really sad. I had no idea who she was and every Christmas in my middle school Spanish class, guess what movie we watched? yup.) - Anna Nicole Smith's childhood home - the Viper Room - Alcatraz - Neverland. too soon? anyway, in the summer it would double as a water p

happy halloweekend

i just want to say i love you all including brittnay kemp and the other posters on here charlie sheen uffie kesha lavar burton and the chinese people junior mafia and the cast of the young and the restless

halloween comes early, mah frans

LOL rundown: - FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE WILL BE ON SNL IN NOVEMBER. with who? who, you ask? Anne Hathaway, no less! aka my sister's doppleganger at least I think so IDK - leave Charlie Sheen alone!!! what's wrong with drugs and hookers they are not hurting anyone! - Speak Now is the first CD I have bought in forever. well, since Charlotte in Phoenix. I am in love, my friends. I'd post "Taylor Swift Beer Party" but I won't steal the thunder from Rebecca or Wenli, who was commissioned to write a review as a guest writer. it was either Wenli or Hannah, who is 12 and loves Taylor as much as I do BUT I HAVE THE CD HAHAHAHA - tomorrow, I am one with Uffie. HOT MESS HOT MESS happy hallOween

A sound For Halloween

For Starters this one is for BrittM Type O Negative; Black N°1 Top Pick Halloween song. and for fun, The powerful voice of Barry White. Because he rules. So I made a Halloween Mix; but it is on my other computer i.e. not here. Alors; here is my little sound for Halloween. QATFYG: Would Barry White have made a good Jack Skellington?

poetry corner

In honor of Halloween, I present to you, two of (no doubt) the greatest minds of our generation: Ke$ha And now we lookin' like pimps In my gold Trans-Am. Got a water bottle full of whiskey In my handbag. Got my drunk text on I'll regret it in the mornin' But tonight I don't give a I don't give a I don't give a There's a place downtown, Where the freaks all come around. It's a hole in the wall. It's a dirty free for all. And they turn me on. When they Take It Off. When they Take It Off. Everybody Take It Off. There's a place I know If you're looking for a show. Where they go hardcore And there's glitter on the floor. And they turn me on. When they Take It Off. When they Take It Off. Everybody Take It Off. Lose your mind. Lose it now. Lose your clothes In the crowd. We're delirious. Tear it down 'Til the sun comes back around. N-now we're getting so smashed. Knocking over trash cans. Eurbody breakin' bottles It's

Drag Giant!

Last night I saw Giant Drag play for the first time in like 5 years. It was their first show in a long long long long long time too, seeing as members Annie Hardy and Micah Calabrese have broken up the band...twice? Plus, a couple of years ago they were asking (and are still asking) for donations from fans to fund their upcoming album, which apparently is finished but they have a hard time releasing it. Suxxxxxxx. Don't they have a lot of friends in the LA band business? Giant Drag are fucking amazing, hook them up!!! Anyway, Annie has blonde hair now and Micah was wearing a Giant Drag shirt. Plus they added a new member, a sixteen-year-old by the name of Dakota who looks like a cross between a girl and Adam Green. I think he may be Micah's brother (I honestly thought he was a girl up until the second song they played). Anyway the new songs they played sounded really good, but I can't find them anywhere online right now so here's their video from one of my favorites,

"Get Some"- Lykke Li/"La Musique"- Yelle

These two are now blended together, in my heart and in my mind. let's start with the upbeat "GET SOME." God, I wanted this from the moment I heard it. A+++++++++++++++++++++++++ Lykke, I wish I would have run into her Stockholm. actually no. I was too dirty for her :/ and our French girl, Yelle! of the incredible awesome- at first I didn't like this track, but it has this dark disco quality that really is a grower. A++++

Spotlight/Shoutout: Fred Savage

So why Fred Savage? I was just thinking about watching the Princess Bride ; and then I realized; Fred Savage needs more press. His greatest stuff was on the Wonder Years ; and also greats like The Wizard ; and of course PB. Now he is a director for the Disney sitcoms. But he needs a new sitcom or dramady. Something with heart. QATFYG: What scenario would be a good Fred Savage sitcom?

first annual useless critic art contest

draw a picture of this and email it to KEMP.BRITT@GMAIL.COM I will post! LAST DAY IS FRIDAY GO GO GO

Suggestions to Improve the English Language

Eliminate the word "whom" and replace all instances of it with "who." It looks and reads antiquated. Spell both "it's" and "its" with an apostrophe. Why should only one possessive in the language not have one? I cannot imagine a situation in which the words could be confused. More to come.

guess who is coming to dinner

yup. Thursday at Erie International, which they should just give up and rename Regional. who are we trying to kid, Detroit's hardly international. the Toronto dream died so long ago. question: do you like Kathy Dahlkemper? her hand was so cold.

Pageant Dad: What Activity is Bad that Gets the Whole Family Together?

I dunno. A funeral? A community-wide search for a missing child? (From People Magazine)

Mixtapes

So recently I have been downloading a lot of mixtapes from DatPiff.com because they are free and I feel screwy about downloading stuff illegally all the time. Here are some facts I wouldn't have noticed without DatPiff.com: Nobody on DatPiff.com knows how to tag an mp3. Your LastFM scrobbles are all ciara - ciara - caira 03 feat crhis brow (versi . Piff stands for weed. Some mixtapes are official; others are fan-compiled. Some of the stuff on the site is probably illegal even if they say it is legal. So it's like Craigslist. Out of the fan-made mixtapes I've downloaded, a few of them are noteworthy. I will chronicle them in thousand-page-long love letters featuring hand-drawn hearts and calligraphy carefully torn from the perforated edge of a teenage girl's math notebook below. Cam'ron - Pink Season ( Link ) The cover art for this mixtape is terrible so I'm not going put it on here. It's the cover of XXL Magazine (?) with Cam'ron on it and some pi

Speak Now

I'm just going to come out and say it: right now I'm charging my iPod and importing Taylor Swift's Speak Now in anticipation of putting it on said iPod. I just bought it (gasp! a real CD!) and drove down McKnight Road and back blaring the whole thing. I'm going to go ahead and give it a B+ (although I'm tempted by an A- -) overall. The title song is totally cute. Dear John is, well, um. Mean feels like an anthem. While I'm here... John Mayer and Kim Kardashian? They're both kind of cut from the same cloth, if you ask me. Discuss!

Fings I Love Right Now

- Making the 'f' sound instead of the 'th' sound - Ellie Goulding, courtesy brittkemp - The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills TANGENT! OH MY GOD this show is amazing. I don't understand who these women are. They don't seem completely moronic like the Real Housewives of Orange County, but they are all still obviously not intelligent enough to work at a Wal-Mart. ??? There are sisters, but only one is an aunt of Paris and Nicky Hilton? Kelsey Grammar's wife (ex-wife?) IS NOT THE SAME PERSON AS KELSEY GRAMMAR, GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEAD FOLKS. SHE WILL SAY THIS AGAIN AND AGAIN WHEN NECESSARY. One has an accent and I dunno, but it's so awesome. A+++ WOULD WATCH AGAIN! - Ground beef (as opposed to ground turkey; it just tastes better) - Yahoo chat - court sketches from Marjorie's trial ROTFLMAO

Taylor Swift, Making a Career out of Playing the Victim

Maybe Kanye West was a fluke, but look at this. " I will say everything in my music ," says the 20-year-old country star. And the past two years of her life – a period that included failed relationships with Joe Jonas and Taylor Lautner (and, apparently, some drama with John Mayer) – gave her plenty of material for her emotionally charged new album Speak Now, out Oct. 25. Kanye West might always find (yeah), always find something wrong, but to my knowledge he has never released a song that was a hit-piece against someone specifically and readily identifiable, much less an album full of these sorts of songs. 808s is pouty, but doesn't strike me as retaliatory. Who was "Heartless" about? I don't know. But this edition of People is naming like three or four dudes who Swift is ALLEGEDLY commenting on, not by name but with tell-tale details, including another ALLEGEDLY girl one of her ex-boifs dated, who so ugly she wear an "ever-present frown." WT

CHRISTINA RICCI APPRECIATION

So I was slightly drunk, with my best friend, at a haunted house a few weekends ago. You know, one of those fake ones they put together where you go to not be so much scared as harassed? Yes, the Conneaut Lake one in fact. something something levels of fear/hell something. I've never been to one before. They do a really nice job! It was fun. a lot of random people touching me and chainsaws breezing against my body. you know I loved that. well, because of my intoxicated state, every time some person dressed up a ghoul or serial killer would jump out in front of me and be like BOOLA BOOLA BOOLA, I could think of one of two reactions: a.) WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU PUT KE$HA b.) CHRISTINA RICCI IS ON BROADWAY THIS WEEKEND! (I read this headline in the morning and for some reason, it just stayed with me). Well I have done a lot of pondering on this issue, head-on-knuckles type. And I came to the conclusion: I LOVE CHRISTINA, I ALWAYS HAVE! especially this time of year- give my girl pro

kayne west loses mind

somewhere in this 34 mess is a really good song mixed with a bunch of shit where you dont know whether youre sucking dick or listening to explosions on the sky or hooverphonic the trick to a good video is not making it all star wars or forrest gump or what the fuck i give up kanye west has lost it ye wy in retrospect 808s and heartbreak is probably the pinaccle of his career

for cara

LIKE A G6, G6 also I am seeing Inception today. yup. and getting my Uffie costume together. <3 things to look forward to: - Yelle interview - T. Swift review - Hereafter review - RANDOM ACTRESS APPRECIATION

before i forget

JULY 26TH U2 AND INTERPOL IN PITTSBURGH TELL ME TO NOT GET A TICKET BECAUSE I JUST MIGHT p.s. Florence + the Machine is getting pretty popular here in the States. supposedly, Flo will be opening for some of these U2 shows (including one in Baltimore), too! she is coming to Balty-more....hopefully I'm not here at that point in time, but if I am......

New Ke$ha Single

Have you heard the new Ke$ha single? It's fire and pretty much sounds like all of her other songs. The song will be on Ke$ha's new album, CANNIBAL, to be released 11/22. Pre-order CANNIBAL from Ke$ha's official store http://bit.ly/aDSWZy

uffie status

According to her facebook, UFFIE IS SINGLE :O NO FEADZ? MAKE YOUR MOVE, BOYZ and also she is putting out a line of clothes with Diesel. guess I need to start wearing Diesel. Kim and I had a discussion over the summer, a heart to heart of sorts, about how she saw her Justin Bieber obsession as a coping mechanism. I probably could say the same for me. God, when she comes to America. I am on that like black on a cow.

ted hughes and sylvia plath (mostly ted hughes)

For this week, I'm focusing on Ted Hughes, the often-villain of this troubled and powerful partnership. He was one of the best poets of the 20th century. you can argue this fact- Ted died in 1998- but there's no denying this man was a rich talent. But the guy really had his reputation take a beating after his wife's grotesque suicide. and poor Sylvia- for the record, I just finished reading her letters. the woman seemed like she really loved life. I feel awful that most people are quick to say OH SHE STUCK HER HEAD IN AN OVEN RIGHT when bringing her up. yes she did, but there's so much more to her than that! Ted Hughes' second wife, the one he left Sylvia for (I believe) killed herself the exact same way she did. except she didn't go through the same previsions that Sylvia did to ensure the children's welfare and the little girl the two had together also died. :/ Hughes was supposed to be never the same after his wife's death. (Sylvia, hurr) he lef

Spotlight/Shoutout; Emilia Schuele

So hello World "I am not your wild girl." But Emilia Schuele is. Recently; I happen to catch the film "Rock It" auf Deutsch; and this girl is awesome. She is even more entertaining than pouring rotten milk onto someone you dont like. Rock It is a German cross between High School Musical and Camp Rock; but it was worth the watch. If Emilia was in the US; she,d be huge. Again, sorries for the weird punctuation and errors. These Arabic keyboards blow. ButI will learn soon. QATFYG; Are into singing German children?
Body Talk release details! Body Talk: Released… USA – 22nd Nov Scandinavia – 22nd Nov Australia – 26th Nov UK – 29th Nov Germany – 3rd Dec I’m going to keep mixing up my tours with studio time and am hoping to stick to this new way of releasing music next year. This is the third, last part and completion of the Body Talk album. It was never my goal to break some kind of a world record in how many songs I could release in a year. Although I think it would count as a pretty good attempt, it’s been about the process for me. It’s been very interesting to try and figure out a more organic way of making music. A way that is unbiased and has it’s starting point in what feels logical to me, but also to the listeners. Even though it was never a conceptual idea, but a practical solution to the problem of getting bored with just doing one thing at a time, it has influenced not only the music, but all the visual content for the album as well. And the way I’ve communicated with press and listener

dead person of the day goes german/lykke and yelle/marjorie watch continues

I PRESENT TO YOU NICO, Andy Warhol's muse, German person, fashion model, Jackson Browne lovah (aren't we all), member of the Velvet Underground, etc. this beautiful bitch had one sad life. RIP. also! Yelle and Lykke Li are touring. not together, though. sadly. but! this means that we can expect new material from both of them. yay! and their tours are very limited as of right now but we should just get on our knees and pray that changes. if you live in cities like New York City or Stockholm (sigh) you are in luck. in Erie news, the Marjorie trial continues. yesterday she had an outburst in court and was like DO I LOOK LIKE A MAN to the jury. I don't know how she wanted people to answer that. but you know she is like Botticelli's Venus come to life and all. I am going to try and score a Yelle interview. peace for the night, darlings.

Who is the other Robyn?

So I signed up on DATPIFF.COM to download some free mixtapes, primarily WIZ KHALIFA's KUSH & ORANGE JUICE, and I see this. So I'm thinking, what, huh? someone made a ROBYN mixtape. That's cool. Low?ue? and behold, it's a different ROBYN. A female rapper. And it's not bad. There are some good beats on here like the one from YOU FANCY HU?H? and THIS IS WHY I'M HOT. Catchy: I can't find any information about this other ROBYN, or her purported label AFE RECORDS anywhere on THE INTERNET. In the meantime, my LAST.FM plays are being artificially inseminated. Do I have the right tags? For now I'll call her ROB?N. CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD IT.

dead people of the day

In honor of the Pizzabomber trial unfolding in Erie, I am dedicating my dead people post to everyone from that scenario that is now dead. Especially pizza bomber himself, Brian Wells. I really do remember this day well- the day Erie stole the national spotlight for such a bizarre, bizarre story. PHONE RANG IN 2003 RANG RANG me: hullo bff: omg someone is trying to blow up the Millcreek Mall. me: WOT WHY bff: WE CAN'T LET TERRORISTS WIN BRITT-NAY. me: OMG IF THEY BLOW IT UP WHERE AM I GOING TO REEBOKS *cries, listens to Toby Keith* fun fact: I actually worked near the scene of this in the summer of 2006. I'm pretty sure I could get a job leading people on a tour of all the places involved in this weird ass story. anyway though, comfort yourself with knowing that while Marjorie appeals for her sanity this afternoon, I will be within mere blocks of her. like, so close she could come and rip my face off if she wanted to. what Marjorie is listening to right now: btw, if you

"Brutal Hearts"- Bedouin Soundclash f. Coeur du Pirate

so I can't think of a good reason I've never listened to this band intently before: SOUNDS LIKE THE XX, NO? but I'm kind of sick of the Xx. but this also has some kind of African vibe going for it, too. and that girl is COUER DU PIRATE; check her out too. this Canadian band will be in Buffalo, November 5th. I can say I'm certainly tempted. this is an easy A. I'm going to go come now.

Look At What The Light Done Did Now

Last evening I had the amazing opportunity to attend a screening of the Feist documentary, Look At What the Light Did Now . When I first heard about a documentary being made on one of my favorite musicians of all time, I was beyond excited, especially since the documentary (the title of which is taken from a song by Little Wings, who's singer appears somewhere in the film - and who I saw open for Dirty Projectors last Halloween, randomly) would mainly chronicle the making of Feist's lastest album, 2007's The Reminder . Actually, fuck that, I was SHAKING AND CRYING. I caps-locked it to all of Twitter and Tumblr, knowing only one or two people would care, and I snatched up tickets as soon as I heard about it. First of all, the screening was held at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery which, of course, brings a spooky feel to the evening, as it's almost Halloween, and well, we're in a freaking cemetery in Hollywood, where Rudolph Valentino, Estelle Getty, and my friend&#

MARTA needs your help!

Hey! This film, Marta (see here ) needs your help to get its feet off the ground. I saw there was a blurb about it in the Erie Times News Thursday, but I stress "blurb." Oh ETN: you never fail to disappoint. Rachel is a cool girl and this looks like a really awesome project (me and my adjectives people on the Real World sound smarter). I mean- it is about a Romanian immigrant that doubles as a dominatrix, after all. !!! filming is scheduled to start in February of 2011. So they need approximately 3000 dollars to start and are at 873. And ALSO this needs to happen by November 11th. urgency! if you checked out above website like I told you to, you can see the incentives for pledging... I kind of want a letter written in Romanian. but you can do as little as a dollar, which I think is worth it. plus you get your name in the credits! Please help if you can!!!! It's a worthwhile project. and you're helping some up-and-coming young artists, so. for more information,

First post from Africa

hello world; here are my initial reactions to Algeria: 1. The keyboards here are very difficult to use.....so Many mistakes. 2. Many stores have excellent supplies of Hannah Montana merchandise; so i fit right in. 3. The cyber cafe music is mostly in English; and the lyrics are like "i like your body yeah yeah" so respect! QATFYG: Will I survive here?

my poetry corner is BACK

I've been meaning to do this for a while, I've just been lazy. let's not let a good thing die! Adrienne Rich is STILL ALIVE, OH MY GOD. here is what you should know about her: - has been called "one of the most widely read and influential poets of the second half of the 20th century." - she has the same birthday as me so she is a god - she is born the same year as my grandma and Anne Frank - she went to Harvard (Radcliffe) - SYLVIA WAS A FAN - married a guy - realized she was gay - stopped being a housewife - REFUSED THE MEDAL OF THE ARTS :O so here I will post her most popular poem. I am not creative. "Diving Into the Wreck" First having read the book of myths, and loaded the camera, and checked the edge of the knife-blade, I put on the body-armor of black rubber the absurd flippers the grave and awkward mask. I ham having to do this not like Cousteau with his assiduous team aboard the sun-flooded schooner but here alone. There is a

dead person of the day: SAINTS AND SINNERZ

Joan of Arc! WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE SAINT AND WHY

Spotlight/Shoutout: Hassan Abidou

Good morning Mittwoch!! So, this week's magic s/s of magic goes to the actor Hassan Abidou. He is seen on the cover here in the movie "Bab El Oued City," an Algerian film from 1994. It's kind of an interesting film where Hassan plays a man who gets angry at the sound of Muslim prayers which play over the haut-parleur (speaker), so he cuts it down and throws it in the Med. And that is pretty much it!!!!!!!!! Why am I posting about this? Because tomorrow night I will be in Bab El Oued (a neighborhood in Algiers). That's right, one of my missions this fall will be to spread the Useless Critic to Africa. So wish me luck, and I will try to post as much as I can, but internet might be a little scarce in the "Dark Continent." QATFYG: Is it still PC to call Africa the Dark Continent? And do you Arab people scare you?

my halloween mix, bitches ("don't worry if i write rhymes, I WRITE CHECKS.")

I would put more time or thought or energy into this, but I'm going by the seat of my pants. I mean "Running With the Devil" by Van Halen is great and all, and Judas Priest does inspire me to kill on occasions, but by now I think everyone in the universe knows I am going to Uffie on October 31st. As my dear friend Ryan told me, this means I need blonde hair and lots of eye make-up and potentially fishnets. And I know the great American movie Mean Girls said that Halloween is the one chance us prim and proper LAYDEEZ have chances to dress like hoochies. Not that I am really a lady, more of a sloppy woman-child that little boys on sidewalks scream "TINA FEY" at (seriously this happened Friday), but would you ever see me in torn clothes and heels otherwise? Besides, I do have this really weird obsession with her. I don't know how it began. I think it's because I realized I care too much about most things and Uffie feels like the anti-me. plus she's jus

Sounds for Autumn: Halloween Mix Idea is awesome AWM!

So I will definitely post a Halloween mix during Halloween mix, but just for fun here is the instrumental "Michael Kills Judith" from none other than Halloween. Go John Carpenter. If anyone is interested all of the halloween soundtrack/themes/scores/ can be found from this vid. QATFYG: What is your favorite Horror theme?

Make a Halloween Mix

At THE USELESS CRITIC, we have a history of making mixes. EX: We made that one mix one time. So let's make one again. HERE are the rules: 1. No "Monster Mash" 2. No "Thriller" 3. TBA Participants should create a mix and post it during Halloween week on THE USELESS CRITIC via the Internet. Your mixes will be evaluated using an advanced computerized scoring matrix, and the mix with the most scores will receive six tickets for a parking violation of your choosing. No irony should be used during the making of any mixes. May the best mix win.

shit you mayn't've known... about TLC

First of all, let's get this out of the way, because I know every single person who sees this is going to want to hear it: Now to the gold mine. Apparently, Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes has a solo album that was released on Artista Records for sale in other countries and illegal download in the U.S. Seriously, the album was not released in the U.S. I'm listening to it right now. Here are some choyce cuts: If you want to hear her rapping like DMX, do a search for "I Belive in Me." All of this is from before she was murdered by the KGB. Secondly, you may not have realized that Chilli is a goddess. I have nothing to add about T-Boz right now, but if you stick around for the rest of my life, I might reference her in some context at some point, if only implicitly as part of a collective noun like "TLC," or "all girls." P.S.S. My "JAMS" post is on the side. Don't read it, but listen to the jams.

in which i reveal way too much/try to make a point

Here at the Useless Critic , I think our unacknowledged philosophy is not to take things so seriously. Posts are lighthearted, for the most part. And they should be. Life can't be spent being heavyhanded about everything. And this is, after all, the internet. Which, to some degree, is still a big playground for people that refuse to grow up. (I guess I am grouping myself with them). However, I've been sort of toying with the idea of posting about the recent string of adolescent suicides in America (see here if you are unfamiliar), which are the result of bullying. Bullying is one of those trademarks of growing up anywhere, America or otherwise; it's bound to happen. No matter what. It's happened for generations. And I know it will never be eradicated, as much as it should be. People are people; they feed off the weaker ones and never seem to totally change. But fuck the toying with. I am posting this, even though I do feel vulnerable to some extent and a little out of

A word with Angie Mattson.

She does not like white vans. She has toured with Uh Huh Her, among others. She has a fanbase in Erie (???). Singer-songwriter, Michigan native and former model Angie Mattson played a show in Erie two weeks ago that I was personally unable to attend due to my poor transportation situation. Nonetheless, she was amazing enough to do an interview with me. Her new album, Skeleton Arm is currently out. It's been described as "rockabilly" and "jazz." How do those two coexist? Wonderfully! The girl is worth a listen (and seriously read her bio here, it's fascinating) Angie first played the amazing metropolis of Erie (sorry about the snark! I'm entitled! I live here!) six years ago. "It was one of my first shows," she remembered. The enthusiasm has remained up since then, because the Beer Mug was pretty packed when she made her return. "I was happy all the seats were filled and everybody was so into the music. We had a great time," M

MATT DAMON

MATT DAMON WILL BE FORTY THIS YEAR. SO WILL WINONA RYDER. WHAT????????????????????? :( question: are you fucking Matt Damon? will Winona Ryder act ever again? "I'm F*$cking Matt Damon!" by Sarah Silverman from Sarah Silverman have a good weekend. p.s. HEREAFTER LOOKS AMAZING. LIKE, INCEPTION GOOD.

Ohio, more like O hi F* NO!

So due to unforeseen circumstances I am in Ohio. When will I leave? When are you coming to get me? And I have learned so much about this state that lies often forgotten in the union until election times or during reruns of Drew Carey. My initial reaction is...come here if you want to die or get an infection from sitting on a toilet seat. So Ohio is a state that has some major characteristics: 1. There is pride for Apple Juice. 2. The baseball players cannot read. 3. You park under signs that say not responsible for theft....and no guns allowed. 4. There are gospel singers in the Denny's. 5. They have a football team named the Browns, but they wear shame because they suck. 6. Cleveland....women...nuff said. 7. The grocery stores have an excellent supply of pie pumpkins. I was excited. QATFYG: May you list for me a few nice things about Ohio?

SYLVIAAAAAAAAAA

OMGOMGOMG the poetry nerd in me today has ejaculated, my friends. A TED HUGHES POEM ABOUT THE DEATH OF SYLVIA PLATH HAS EMERGED. read about it here . shit! those words. "your wife is dead." also, Sylvia Plath is being interred in New York City next month? SAY WHAT? ROADTRIP????

dead person of the day!!!

Hello! the reason I decide to post Bette Davis as my highlighted dead person is because she had class which a lot of actresses lack these days. and also it's a tribute to Al, WHO DID NOT DO HIS SPOTLIGHT YESTERDAY. ... Bette Davis had a reputation of being scary to work with, but she was pretty generous to her fellow actors. for example, she told off my bb Natalie Wood's crazy ass mom. for that I will always respect Miss Davis. here are scenes from two of her most famous movies: All About Eve WHATEVER HAPPENED TO BABY JANE I am ending my series for this week, because there are really a lot of dead people for me to write about. but it will be back next week and the first person I am going to write about is an inventor, which considering all dead people, sooo narrows it.

Hallowindie

Halloween is creeping up soon, and thanks to Jenny and Johnny, I have a couple of costume ideas for you. Last night during their show at the Troubadour here in LA, they mentioned their Halloween costumes for this year. Jenny said she's going to dress up as Best Ghoast and Johnathan as Gravves. Johnathan then said, "That's for all the bloggers out there". Whoever is seeing them on Halloween in New Orleans take note of this, especially if you're a fellow blogger.

dead person of the day

Today we salute the most famous Polish person everrr, Madame Curie, who invented a lot of things because she was A SMART LADY, not unlike Condi Rice. Or she discovered things, I don't remember. I was too busy being high in high school. kidding. but that will be a hot Halloween costume this year. QUESTION: WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE POLISH PERSON BESIDES MY FRIENDS? DON'T SAY CHOPIN THAT IS CHEATING. p.s. sorry the photo is ginormous.

dead person of the day: john denver

SUNSHINE ON MY SHOULDERS GRANDMA'S FEATHER BED ROCKY MOUNTAIN HIGH John Denver! you were always so happy.

robert palmer/shakira appreciation/"Eclipse (All Yours)"- Metric

I'm kind of out of it. bare with me, I have the beginnings of the flu, I started my new job and had to go around and shake everyone's hand today. typhoid Mary? winter 2011: please don't be a mean winter. I don't think I can handle another one of you. So here is my dead person of the day, the dead singer (dead) Robert Palmer. do you remember him? he was awesome: Florence + the Machine recently covered his biggest hit, "Addicted to Love." see here: also, Shakira. flashback 2002: my friend in eighth grade: Brittany do you like Shakira? me: what? sorry, I'm too busy jacking off to these Gwen Stefani magazines. my friend in eighth grade: it's okay, I like Linkin Park too much to have a respectable opinion. then I saw the "Whenever, Wherever" video. wow that girl can dance! I've never been particularly fond of her, though. she's catchy and dances well but sometimes she blows and when she blows well she really blows. "Undernea