The Useless Critic 2.0

I know we all have our favorites and the ones we dread winning anything (for me it's "Lincoln." I grimace- I bet it's great, but to me it reads way too safe). I know we all think Sally Field is going to pull an Angelina Jolie and show us her leg. I know  Tommy Lee Jones might be scowling the whole time. Or not. I will pass on making predictions on winners or questionable clothing choices. Instead, I aim to celebrate the real star of all the movies 2012 brought the masses- JESSICA CHASTAIN'S SUNGLASSES IN "ZERO DARK THIRTY" All the caps in the world are deserved here. She rocks these aviators like the CIA badass she is supposed to be. Or is it not the CIA? Whatever I don't care. I have yet to see this film. I just know she has become my fashion icon and if I could pull off being a firecrotch (si) I'd dye my hair. Moar photos needed! AND That photo is from Just Jared obviously, a real website. But I mean, look how...

It's basically a trippy powerpoint with a lot of drawn out God metaphors and imagery. Brad Pitt plays a classic non Brad Pitt like (DUH HE'S PERFECT IN REAL LIFE) asshole. Dinosaurs appear and so do strange marine creatures, I am not sure what you would call then? Gigantic manatees from the prehistoric ages? Sean Penn is maybe in fifteen minutes of this film, which makes it EXTRA bearable. And when he does show up, all he does is think outloud. like long, pondering thoughts. Existential crisis, OH NO! The plot of this film, thanks to Mr. Malick, has been under serious wraps. what I can tell you is there's really no plot. it's Terrence Malick, for the love of god. what did you expect? it's a vehicle for some spiritual message. which I thought was kind of cool and I actually sort of got! surprisingly! nay, SHOCKINGLY! Jessica Chastain is the breakout star here. look for her in the future. NEEDS MOAR DINOSAURS