The Useless Critic 2.0

A quick glimpse into some of my favorite more mainstream songs of 2023 so far! The National's new album "First Two Pages of Frankenstein" dropped this past Friday, and features guest spots from the likes of Taylor Swift and Phoebe Bridgers. Although I haven't really been into the last few National albums (I enjoyed "Sleep Well Beast" but could take or leave "I Am Easy to Find") I'm relieved to hear that "First Two Pages" is a return to form, and the collabs work wonderfully. "Alcott" with Taylor Swift is my favorite track off the album by far. I am almost surprised by how well Matt and Taylor's voices mesh well together. The National is touring this summer, and you KNOW Taylor Swift is currently on tour. Listen below: And I really haven't written much about the overall album "Did You Know That There's a Tunnel Under Ocean Boulevard" by Lana Del Rey, but it's another stunning achievement by one of th...

AHHHHHH I guess Angelina handpicked Lana to sing this song. I think it actually sounds a lot like Angelina Jolie. Does she even sing when she's not attempting to bring about world peace? This is probably my favorite Disney song ever, btw. "Maleficent" look badass; I cannot wait to see it! Well, I'm gonna have a nightmare tonight. BBL.

Hello world within The UCverse. Finally, after days upon days, illness and epidemic have left my village in Africa, and as the African proverb reads. “I’m thankful that I am not those other starving bastards.” After encountering the truest of jungle fevers, I had the fortune to visit my first third world hospital since my birth. It wasn’t the amount of dirt on the floors that put me off, and it wasn’t the obvious stains and remnants of blood, urine, and someone elses hair in the hospital bed that made me dislike my experience. It was the nurse. So attractive. Such a Bitch. However, one can learn that there is always opportunity coming from misfortune. It makes me remember the line from The Devil Wears Prada, “I am one stomach flu away from my ideal weight.” Those are sad but fabulous facts of life . Right now my body has withered away to something like Christian Bale in the “The Machinist,” but in all seriousness when I look in the mirror I see something that...

I remember a long time ago there was a feature like this, but whatever this is MY TAKE on it.  so Men's Health has come and said that Jennifer Aniston is the hottest woman of all time (OF ALL TIME, so says Kanye). Nothing against Jenny, but WHAT. and this is the result of a poll! A poll! So multiple braindead men had a say in it!  BUT WHAT IF IT WAS MY POLL, IMAGINED FROM MY BEDROOM WHEN I'M HALF-ASLEEP? Angelina Jolie and Marilyn Monroe are hot, sure. I'm not arguing. but who else... GWEN STEFANI this girl is always so hot. she would melt THE SUN if that was possible. SERIOUSLY. please reconsider your sexuality now if you like men. who else? hmm.... this is Marion Cotillard. now I'm not a very sexual person but I would destroy her. I am just saying. I don't care. judge me. it'd be like if a diabetic wanted to commit suicide and went to a bakery. Mila, obviously. I don't need to say much more. she knows that I want to interview ...

As decade week rolls onward...upward and onward, I am reminded of one of my favorite songs that has climbed through the decades with many renditions, covers, retakes...you name it, "Angel of the Morning" by Merrilee Rush and the Turnabouts is a song that has captured the Flower Power feelings of 1968. The glam of the ABBA Era ABBA does that somber touch so well. Then of course, there was Shaggy and the under appreciated "Rayvon" with their song "Angel" that took the strong inspirations from 1968. 2001 QATFYG: Has anyone ever read the play "Angel of the Morning?" I read it, and I was not a fan. It was one of the worst moments in my history of reading. Will there be another cover of this song in 20 years?

The Tourist opens this weekend. Johnny Depp + Angelina Jolie = isn't that in the Bible somewhere? I do want to see this, but perhaps not as much as Black Swan and NO WHERE near as much as BURLESQUE. oh, Angelina. you scare me a little but are nonetheless gorgeous. The Tempest also opens. yawn. and the second in the Narnia series, which was the only film I have actually snuck a case of beer into the theater with me. Nicole Kidman = infinitely more interesting after booze. John Cheever was right! The dollar theater has brought in two movies which slipped through Tinseltown: You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger - latest Woody Allen film! stars Naomi Watts and Josh Brolin! Jack Goes Boating- Philip Seymour Hoffman directing Amy Adams. finally, at the Montessori School on Sterrettania tomorrow, Mrs. Bischof (hai) my teacher frined from high school is hosting an indie craft fair. description: Well, it is just like a typical craft fair, but the vendors are typically younger and more in t...

REMEMBER I TOLD YOU THIS WAS COMING ALICE IS AWESOME

This is like the best piece of celebrity gossip I have heard in EONS so listen up suckers: In Touch Weekly’s Brangelina story this week is about how they’re fighting over Rachel McAdams. And no, it’s not a story about how both Brad and Angelina both want to sleep with Rachel, although that’s the route I would have gone if I was writing this stuff. It’s basically this: Brad invited Rachel McAdams and a few of his friends to the South of France, to stay at the Chateau Miraval with them. When Angelina found out about Brad extending the invitation to Rachel, she “laid down the law, forbidding him from inviting her”. Brad Pitt insisted he was only trying to be a good host when he invited Rachel McAdams to his chateau. But even though Rachel stars in the Pitt-produced Time Traveler’s Wife, Angelina seemed convinced he was more interested in pleasure than business. “Angelina has been jealous of Rachel ever since she found some photos of her on Brad’s camera, which he had taken at the New Yor...