The Useless Critic 2.0

Still no idea who she is! Me: I have no idea who you are. Were you on "Girls?" Greta: No, that's stupid. Who are you? Me: I'm actually half Kardashian. Greta (staring):  No, you're not. Me: I'm Sarah Jessica Parker. Greta: No! Me: Shaq. Greta: This is so lame. Can you just ask me questions and leave, please? Me: Okay. (now, I stare, and say NOTHING). Greta: You're creepy. Me:  I'm sorry "After Earth" bombed. Greta: I'm, I'm not in "After Earth." I'm in "Frances Ha." Me: I don't care. Greta: Why are you doing this? Me: Because I need publicity. BIG NAMES. Greta: Why not Carey Mulligan? Me: She's British. (whispers) NO ONE CARES. Greta: I'm leaving. (gets up) YOU'RE SICK. Then I woke up.

Well, I guess he isn't so hairy these days. But I'm still surprised this happened. Anyway, THE MORE YOU KNOW.

OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD ramble:  ajdrekrekrejerakere

Drive (2011) 100 min., rated R. Grade: A Smooth, alive, aurally and visually stylish, and cast to a fare-thee-well, "Drive" is only a genre piece on the surface. It's a lot more than that; a neo-noirish crime thriller, a character study, a love story, and a mood piece that completely envelopes you in its atmosphere. Also, it's sitting pretty as one of the best films of 2011. Danish director Nicolas Winding Refn is known for combining pulpy violence with arthouse aesthetics. 2008's bonkers, expressionistic "Bronson" was Refn's calling card and an explosive "A Star is Born" showcase for Tom Hardy's talents, and now "Drive" is his first cinematic symphony.  Ryan Gosling, known only as "Driver" and sometimes called "kid," is a force of mysterious cool as a part-time mechanic/movie stuntman who moonlights as a getaway driver. He has no real family and doesn't really come from anywhere, but he's lived ...

Yelle's new single is out, somewhere. love you Yelle. check my hypemachine: pretty sure that's on it. also, this winter feels very much the National to me. very Matt Berninger, unshaven, moody. hipsters and people I don't like: please don't shit all over the National anymore, okay? thank you. you ruined Arcade Fire, Muse, Radiohead and Coldplay for me. well Coldplay has Chris Martin which inadvertantly ruined it. oh, who am I kidding, the National will only always remind me of Dan. Baz Luhrmann is directing the new version of the Great Gatsby which is slated to star Leonard DiCaprio, Tobey Maguire and Carey Mulligan. it will be in 3D. ??? so the car can hit me smack dab in the middle of the movie theater? huh? AND WHERE IS KEIRA KNIGHTLEY SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE IN THIS. it should be better than that version starring Mia Farrow and Robert Redford from the 70s. I love F. Scott Fitzgerald so much I would write fanfiction about him and that's not a light thing for me...