The Useless Critic 2.0

Banks, Goddess LA siren Jillian Banks is much more than a product of the recent crop of minimal, futuristic "alt-R&B." Paired with her dusky vocals, Banks' entrancing debut album employs woozy beats, pulsating bass shudders, and distorted electronic effects to create a soundscape that is dark, moody, sultry, enigmatic, and brooding. The raw, confessional tales of seduction, scorned love, and heartbreak showcase Banks as both empowering ("Fucking with a goddess and you get a little colder," on the shadowy title track ) and vulnerable ("Please, give me something to convince me that I am not a monster," on album opener " Alibi "), but there's also room for playfully sinister lyricism ("My words can come out as a pistol / And I'm no good at aiming / But I can aim it at you," on the menacing "Beggin for Thread"). Top tracks: "Beggin for Thread" • " This Is What It Feels Like " • ...

Earlier today, Azealia Banks premiered the boisterous, in-yo'-face electro banger "Yung Rapunxel," which will be released on March 26 as the first official single from her highly anticipated debut album, Broke with Expensive Taste , due out sometime this year. My body is so ready. Meanwhile, Azealia has gotten into yet another Twitter feud —this time with Rita Ora, whom she labeled "Rihanna's understudy." Is it wrong that I actually agree with Azealia? Anyway, her album may as well be called Fifty Shades of Beef (see what I did there?). Just the mandatory GIF

Just keepin' it classy Ellie Goulding, "Figure 8" 2012 was definitely Ellie's year. I can't get over "Figure 8's" epic, bombastic chorus, I just wish I could inject it directly into my blood. Who knew dubstep could sound this good? Azealia Banks, "Liquorice" Despite her apparent attitude issues , Azealia is one of my favorite new artists this year. Her music is so fresh, I'm loving the throwback to early-'90s house music and R&B that's been going on lately. Of all the great jams she has put out, "Liquorice" is my anthem to sassitude. As some of you must know by now, it was reported a couple of months ago that Azealia and Lady fucking Gaga recorded two tracks for Gaga's upcoming ARTPOP album! Sleigh Bells, "Comeback Kid" This song and Alexis Krauss are the very epitome of badassery. I want her clothes so bad, especially the studded leather jacket. Little Boots, "Every Ni...

Instead of recapping everything in a "best of" list (BECAUSE I ALREADY DID THAT WITH MY SPOTIFY PLAYLIST) here are just some songs you should have heard this year and appreciated. Note the curious absence of "Call Me Maybe." "I'm His Girl"- Friends did this appear on an episode of "Girls?" It should have. "Ritual"- Ellie Goulding It was our own writer Irina who turned me onto this song. It's very sexual, which is not something you would expect from "I Sang At the Royal Wedding" Ellie Goulding. "Florida"- Princeton We interviewed them ages ago. What a refreshing little song this is. "Comeback Kid"- Sleigh Bells Is it weird I find this song inspiring? Also, it's a good song to kick ass to. "Wicked Games"- The Weeknd Uh, wow? "Tides"- The Xx This album is amazing. Not much of a difference from their debut, but. Who cares? Their debut was g...

The diner is full of people using the free Wi-Fi, but no one's tipping or even ordering. In order to get the diners ordering something other than just coffee ("This is not a Starbucks. And I know that because we don't sell Norah Jones CDs or bananas"), Max takes the wireless router and threatens to pull the plug on the Internet. "And you—that sad email you're in the middle of writing to your ex-boyfriend, the one you shouldn't send anyway—gone. And you—that vaguely pornographic anime film you've been illegally downloading for the past three hours—gone. And you—that screenplay you've been writing, you can keep working on it, but we all know how it ends: With you moving back in with your mother," Max lashes out. She really is the epitome of badassery. T he customers quickly start ordering , but when Max asks Caroline to put the router back in place, Caroline accidentally unplugs it, much to everyone's dismay. From behind the counter, M...