World's Worst Letter to Santa Claus
Dear Santa Claus, Hey Santa, how you living? I suppose you want to know whether or not I’ve been naughty or nice. Well, I guess by most standards, I’ve been naughty…not naughty like a porn star or even like Tim Geithner…more like naughty Jackson Pollack. For awhile I felt kinda' bad about it, but then, this man named Anderson Cooper (he’s kind of like Santa except without a beard and healthy eating habits) told me that it was okay to be myself as long as I didn’t hurt anyone or vote republican. I’m not from a Blue State background, but I can tell that Anderson Cooper knows what’s best for Americans like me and for homophobes. Moving onward to what I would like for Christmas, I recently was informed that Google was donating $11 million to help stop human slave trafficking, but does human trafficking apply to Santa Claus? I would just love a hot woman from Barbados like Rihanna that I could turn into a cash cow…well, cow implies overweight…so more like a cash meow. I'm serious a...