The Useless Critic 2.0

I never did this, did I? whatever. 2009: Metric, St. Vincent, Florence + the Machine 2010: Beach House- Teen Dream Girl Talk- All Day Taylor Swift- Speak Now SCREW YOU, I LOVE THAT ALBUM LCD Soundsystem- This Is Happening The National- High Violet Sufjan Stevens- Age of Adz Maximum Balloon- Maximum Balloon Joanna Newsom- Have One On Me I just want to say YOU NEED THAT IN YOUR LIFE. I saw a few reviews comparing her to Joni Mitchell...I thought more of Kate Bush. UFFIE- SEX DREAMS AND DENIM JEANS Robyn- Body Talk She & Him- Volume Two I played this album to death and back. not kidding: wish I was, again. BEST ALBUM OF THE YEAR Charlotte Gainsbourg- IRM I like survivor stories, what can I say. things I wish I had listened to more: Maximum Balloon, Magnetic Man, Mark Ronson, the Black Keys, Gayngs, Diamond Rings, Glasser, Kelis, Kanye West, Nicki Minaj, Brandon Flowers, Best Coast!!!!!, Phantogram, Aloe Bloecc. DISCOVERY OF THE YEAR: SLEIGH BELLS all right, see you in the future! p....

AKA BRITTANY'S BOOK CLUB PART TWO or "are you thar , Marge? it's me, MOBY DICK." also: Monsterpiece Theater. did anyone else grow up watching this? Twin Peaks, Waiting for Godot parodies. I remember watching the show but not these per se . I do not doubt I did encounter them and it explains why I am the way I am now. God sometimes I wish I was Oprah and one day I too will have my own network. STEDMAN , WHERE IS MY SIGN! so I read a lot in 2010, one of my big accomplishments of the year. from holding On Chesil Beach at the hotel bar in Phoenix and watching the French people talk to Main Street in my disgusting Edinboro apartment to reading The Sun Also Rises outside a grocery store in blinding sunlight. memories! I didn't get around to reading a lot of recent fiction actually from 2010, unfortunately. I would have loved to read Eating Animals by JSF but I could not find that ANYWHERE. so bygones are bygones. I ended up reading a lot of stuff from 2009. bes...

first of all, I am no fan of 2011 because it sounds ugly. 2010 was nice and round. PEOPLE PUTTING OUT NEW ALBUMS: - No Doubt - Yelle - Lykke Li - Phil Collins - White Lies - Fiona Apple PEOPLE TOURING: - ROYKSOPP: why is this a big deal? who is seeing them in Toronto: THIS girl. I hope they release more dates though- doesn't seem like they're doing much. Royksopp - The Girl and The Robot Uploaded by pias . - Explore more music videos. also, I can't sleep. ha. THEY NEVER TOUR!

So this is a time of the year where we say goodbye. Goodbye 2010. And I am reminded that I am in the midst of amazing tradition. During each winter and spring season, I get to devote my life to Michael and Michael. The first Michael is Michael C. Hall. And he’s now single – All you Foxy Ladies control yourselves— But I have a tradition during the spring months, where I let my obsession with “Dexter” go wild. Congrats once again to Michael C. Hall on winning the globe for his stellar performance as the enigmatic serial killer that is “Dexter Morgan.” The second Michael is Michael Buckley who is a star web celeb and is the host of the “What the Buck Show.” He is hilarious, and he is climbing the ranks of the entertainment industry. Seriously, visit www.buckhollywood.com …good times good times. I started living like this in the winter/spring of 2009, where I would just sit at home and watch Dexter on DVD and What the Buck Show on the internet. Good times, good times.....no seriously, they...

well, um. awwww? I guess something nice came out of this movie! I want to see it again! I want to go back! congrats Natalie- I like to pretend she reads this. what was your favorite album of the year, by the way?

SCENE: PRINCE'S MANSION KESHA rises from a bathtub of gin. think of the 1920s. KESHA: OH MY GOD IS IT CHRISTMAS OR IS IT CHINESE NEW YEARS I DON'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE PRINCE: Get the fuck out of my house. KESHA: NEVER IT'S JEWISH INDEPENDENCE DAY DON'T FORGET THE REASON FOR THE SEASON. PRINCE: OUT! We next see Kesha in the desert, surrounded by camels and oil tanks. KESHA: WOT DA FUCKKKKKK a brief flash back to Prince's mansion: PRINCE is staring wistfully out the front door. Despite global warming, no snow is falling. PRINCE: And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. And this sh...

So, QATFYG: I was just wondering does anyone have a favorite Christmas carol and or song? I do not really pick favs with this genre, but one that I love is "O Holy Night," and since I love Irish music, here is that song performed by Celtic Women. Oh yes, I went there. Happy Holidays.

So despite my romantic encounters with a lopsided fish, I have still found some energy to create a post in the Christmas thematic tradition. There is no way I can express the spirit of Christmas better than with the cast of “Muppet Christmas Carol.” All the values of SPOTLIGHT and a turkey too. Growing up, I proudly stated that this was my favorite version of the story, and that was mainly because of The Great Gonzo and of course because of the charming presence of Michael Caine. Anyway, happy holidays from Spotlight/Shoutout. QATFYG: What is your favorite version of a Christmas Carol? Who is your favorite Scrooge? And what ghost would you want to haunt you the most? Also, any UC readers that celebrate Kwanzaa?

I know I've posted this like everywhere, but SERIOUSLY WATCH IT it's her SNL audition video. this girl needs on stat! Kristen Stewart!!!!! seriously, who do I have to blow to make this happen? WATCH IT

here are my favorites, before we get into that nitty-gritty: ANYTHING BY MANNHEIM STEAMROLLER TSO CAN SUCK IT that will make me the biggest dork ever, but I have a lack of care in that regard. those are just a few. that's not the focus of my post, however. what it is is those songs you seriously dread hearing. like the ones that make your ears drip blood. here's my list for that: THAT DAN FOGELBERG GROCERY STORE SONG okay if I met my old lover on the grocery store I would throw a loaf of bread at her head. some bitch was on Delilah the other night and was like WELL I THINK I THINK MICHAEL BOO-BLEY SINGS IT. ummmmmmmmmmmmm CHRISTMAS SHOES DEAR GOD MAKE IT END. feel free to add yours!

This is Lil B rapping over the X-Men theme. Keep the volume low because it's a pretty low-tech recording with abrasive feedback / white noise if you play it too loud. The guy first caught my attention when I heard this lyric from "Wonton Soup": "Bitches suck my dick 'cause I look like JK Rowling." Lil B is from California, is enjoyed by white guys and hipsters alike, and is famous for having released over 1,000 tracks through free mixtapes, blogs, YouTube and the like. And here's a track from Jackie Chain's new mixtape, Who Da Mane. It's noteworthy because he's rapping over "All the Things She Said" by t.A.T.u. (Тату́). FYI He's a half-Asian kid from a trailer park in Alabama.

What is he doing with Soulja Boy? Is he gonna teach him how to rap? Also, hates his grandmother. Do you think she was like "Take out the trash, Curtis, damn"? Do you think Cam'ron is recording a song about it right now? I hope so. Repine sublow.

BOY GEORGE AND MARK RONSON AND IT'S REALLY GOOD ??? pretty sure that's the dude from Miiike Snow too. I USED TO KNOW HER WHEN MY HOUSE WAS SOBER oh wow that feels familiar and also, there is a song out there with Cee-Lo, the B-52s and Teddybears. it is about cats. in what world does that make any sense? on the new David Lynch song: "This is horrible."- Rebecca NOTHING MAKES SENSE ANYMORE I'M GOING TO PAINT MYSELF RED AND STAND IN TRAFFIC

Real Fast. So one December someone told me that Linda Hamilton, star of Terminator and other flicks was murdered by her husband. They seriously tried to convince me. But NOPE, she is still alive, and I hope they did not think ex hubby James Cameron was responsible for her death. I bring this up once a year just so they can know that they were wrong. Happy Christmas Linda Hamilton. QATFYG: Now, will you please check out the Yelle Interview by Britts other account? It is far more entertaining than this post.

A few days ago, Yelle answered some questions for me. I shouldn't say Yelle though because that is to generalize and say Julie Budet is the whole band. Yelle is the band; Julie Budet the awesome singer who I talked to. THERE IS A DIFFERENCE! that's like saying "omg I talked to Garbage" when you only talked to Shirley Mansion. I know there are boys involved! somewhere! In case you did't see my post a few months ago, Yelle is back at making music, releasing "La Musique," which is a lot of bombastic fun. it sounds like spaceships and the like. when I listen to it, I want to see lasers. which I think sums the aesthetic up nicely! The first album was 2007's Pop Up which is such a good album, featuring the likes of the !!!! "JE VEUX TE VOIR." video time: COLORS COLORS COLORS (I'm sorry for the poor quality!) the new album is to be all in French (no surprise) and comes with a tour, which includes shows with K. Perry. of course though it's...

See you in 2011. 35. Neil Young - Angry World 34. Ciara - Lose My Mind 33. Darkthrone - Those Treasures will Never Befall You 32. Cam'ron feat Young Dro & Vado - They Holla Ayoo 31. Ciara - Blauw 30. Vistoso Bosses - All Pink Everything 29. Fabolous & Chris Brown - Deuces Remix 28. Colette Carr - Weird Science 27. Ciara - Ride 26. Justin Bieber - Baby 25. Waka Flocka Flame - No Hands 24. Colette Carr - Bitch Like Me 23. Robyn - In My Eyes 22. Fabolous - Oh Let's Do It 21. Rocko - Lingo Remix 20. Ciara - Basic Instinct (U Got Me) 19. Fabolous ft. Cam'ron & Vado - Body Bag 18. Robyn - None of Dem 17. Colette Carr - Fruit Coctails 16. Wale - The Kramer 15. Wiz Khalifa - Black and Yellow 14. Ciara - Pretty Girl Swag 13. Natalia Kills - Zombie 12. Jim Jones - Gretzky Remix 11. Ciara - Gimme Dat 10. Robyn - Love Kills 9. Soulja Boy - Pretty Boy Swag 8. Willow Smith - Whip My Hair 7. Robyn feat. Snoop Dogg - U Should Know Better 6. Tyga - Well Done 5. Robyn - Indestru...

if you are graduating today! especially if you are C-raw, who is graduating today! I already graduated! HAHA JOIN ME IN THE ABYSS THAT AWAITS YOU AFTER ACADEMIA abyssssss

When you read this post, use your alien voice. In the theme of themes of music from this year, I cannot let 2010 slip away without listing another musical trend from this year. That trend of this year is the Bouzouki. Suddenly this year, I love bouzouki, and it has become a trend. Why? It is all thanks to the man Bill Bailey " seen above " who played this awesome song, known simply as "Folk Song." You may remember Bill Bailey as the face of my SCRATCHING page on Facebook. Somebody was offended by that, but really I only posted him as the face of SCRATCHING because he opened a show with "I am a big fan of laying around scratching." I am not sure what the point of that story was. But enough with my verbal smut. I wrote a play based on this bouzouki song, but I forgot the name. I love this song, and it has inspired me to become a real bouzouki fan. For some reason, I could not embed the video, so all I can do is post the hyperlink. Here is the song that chang...

I'm glad I pre-wrote some of these but after I get half-way through I'm screwed. 23. Robyn - In My Eyes You really can't go wrong with anything from Body Talk 2. She's since released two more albums, but after all the math is done it really only amounts to four more songs. Body Talk 2 is the current pinnacle of her catalog, and this is the track that introduces you to it. She didn't put it on the full-length version of Body Talk, which is ridiculous because it's better than both "Hang with Me" and "Dancing on My Own." 22. Fabolous - Oh Let's Do It I ran out of Cam'ron stuff to download so I started downloading Fabolous mixtapes. Right now, probably one of my favorite dudes to just listen to plenty o' tracks by. 21. Rocko - Lingo Remix Rocko wants to tell you what all his secret gangster slang stands for. It's like Urban Dictionary in audio format. Cam'ron & E-40 supply additional definitions on this remixed versi...

THINGS TO LOOK FORWARD TO IN 2011 there's an intense interview with her in Fader magazine, which I never read until right now. but yeah, she's touring the US and Canada and I think she's just finishing up with Europe? but her new album sounds AWESOME. apparently she's been holed up in Stockholm with a broken heart working on the record. and she's like "I've been itching to get out!" bitch it's Stockholm NO ONE WANTS TO LEAVE. anyway, yeah, it's called Wounded Rhymes . and when I come back to Sweden in May SHE WILL BE GONE. now I have to go see someone do a show and go back to work! bbl

I don't think this band has produced a song I've been iffy about. until now, that is. Slippery Slope Uploaded by thedoband . - Watch more music videos, in HD! the vocalist doesn't even sound like herself. what say you? B, I'm excited to see they're doing things though. also my YELLE interview came through. that will be up tomorrow.

I can't believe I beat Brittany to this one: SCARJO AND RYAN REYNOLDS ARE GETTING A DIVORCE! :O I will now contrive a way for us to meet so she and I can begin the process of falling in love.

they had ciara's evolution for $7.00, looks like a good deal, no labels indicating whether or not it was. also i'm 15 and profanity is really important to me also there is a cd by piano teen prodigy gre/ayson chance featuring his cover of paparazzi and 2 other tracks for $3.00. details to come

So after last week’s rather entertaining s/s on Jerry Trainor, this week definitely has to go to Jerry O’Connell. Yes, they do look alike. Jerry O’Connell has done so many exciting and just plain awesome movies and TV shows. He was boss in “Sliders,” and I am sure he is boss in whatever legal show that they tried to promote this fall. Honestly, I forget the name. But if it had Jerry O’Connell in it, it was boss. There are so many great things he has done, I can’t even begin to list them all. He is like the Tina Turner of acting….except without the baggage! Also, Jerry O was the star of the movie that I was seen more times than any other movie in existence “Ollie Hopnoodles Haven of Bliss.” (sp) This is the long forgotten sequel to “A Christmas Story.” Jerry O is sticking his head out of the window on the left. I have been a fan of this guy for years, more years than I can count. Jerry O rules. QATFYG: If you could slide into any dimension (within this universe), where would you slide? ...

On the eve of that fighting film she did with Mark Wahlberg (OSCARS? SMELL IT? BECAUSE I DO) coming out nationwide, the recent- babymama and gorgeous amazing superhuman Amy Adams has come out to say she's not asexual, despite people's notions of her otherwise. Amy Adams spoke about an interview with a reporter who seemed to be stunned the new mom and redheaded actress had ever had sex. “I didn ’t know what to say,” Adams said. “I was like, ‘Excuse me if it takes a minute to process the fact that you think I’m asexual.’ “Anyway, there’s something great about the world thinking I’m so innocent. Only it’s not true.” Adams recently gave birth to daughter Aviana with fiance Darren Le Gallo. She reveals she enjoys being a parent and it hasn't affected her career. Read more: http://www.thirdage.com/news/amy-adams-sexy-adams-insists-she-isnt-asexual_12-13-2010#ixzz182zZeyZs seriously though, if anyone in Hollywood was to be capable of an immaculate conception, I wouldn't put...

I am sick I am sick I am sick 26. Justin Bieber - Baby In 2010, Justin Bieber dropped My World 2.0 and boatloads of 14-year-old girls had heart palpatations. If you watch carefully, you can even catch Drake marveling at Bieber's player status from the sidelines. Ludacris lends some rhymes for about 30 seconds. They're fine, if superfluous. Bieber already nailed this one solidly to the wall of jams. 25. Waka Flocka Flame - No Hands While I find it almost impossible to listen to more than three or four tracks from Flockavelli, the Roscoe Dash hook on this is great. His verse isn't bad either, not to mention Wale's, who seems more than solid on everything other than his major label debut. 24. Colette Carr - Bitch Like Me This is the second Colette Carr single, but "Back it Up" was released in 2009 and I'm trying to follow the rules. When I first saw this, I figured it was derivative of the then-current Ke$ha/Dr. Luke fad, which at the time suited me jus...

yeah that was a Limp Bizkit reference. Fred Durst would be so proud of me! 29.) "Loca"- Shakira f. Dizzee Rascal DANCE OR DIEEEEEEEEEEEE has anyone listened to her new album? should I pick it up? I've never listened to one of her albums before. it'll be a lot of new experiences all at once coming in my face. 28.) "Dance Yrself Clean"- LCD Soundsystem James Murphy can do no wrong. he's a genius. the whole album was great, but this had me from the start. HAHAHAHA I COULDN'T HELP WITH THAT VIDEO SORRY 27.) "Mr. Rager"- Kid Cudi so creepy! I love it. no wonder Kanye is a fan. and we all know Kanye is never wrong. also, Wesley Snipes is in prison near Bradford, meth capital USA. I wonder what his hot Asian wife has to say about this. ... should I try to get an interview out of him? US Martials was one of my favorite movies when I was a kid!

hold the presses because up until now I've disliked her: HELLO BORING Nicole Kidman is in it too. do you see her anywhere? and also I really don't like Adam Sandler, but eh what the hell. Ursula and I went to see the Tourist yesterday. neither of us had any shred of comprehension on the plot beforehand, but were both charmed by the movie. definitely worth seeing- it's a lot of fun. it goes fast and the dialogue is wonderful and the people and scenery are easy on the eyes. my mom: I'm just glad you didn't see a movie by yourself! ^ that is the kind of life I live. question: Angelina or Jennifer? Angelina all the way for life and back especially if she dresses like Grace Kelly and has an accent!

old: Merry Christmas (I Don't Want To Fight Tonight) - Click here for this week’s top video clips YEAH THE RAMONES WOO new: bitch stole my hat!

Like the Super Bowl, Christmas is all about the commercials. This Christmas, Target has produced both the best and the most offensive. In that order: The cool thing is that you can download all of the songs for free here: http://www.target.com/b?node=2492229011 Hint: The good one is by Blackalicious.

Last year you do not remember me picking the guy that saved a flight from Amsterdam to Detroit. s'okay. this year was hard! who to pick? WHO TO PICK? Julian Assange? Kate Middleton? Betty White (just for you, Ursula?) UFFIE?!?!?! oh, that was a hard decision. like Sophie's Choice , really. then I started pondering this, hard. and the Useless Critic's person of the year was pretty obvious after hard pondering: why: “I have. I woke up in Vegas once and there was no toothpaste, but there was some leftover Jack Daniel’s. I figured it would be good for my morning breath.” “That depends. You’ve got to define ‘party girl.’ If you mean I’m a walking good time, then hells yeah. But I’m not wasted and stumbling out of clubs and getting DUIs. I’m not that kind of party girl. I may be blonde and fun as balls, but I’m not a moron.” “Oh, yeah. I don’t remember if I’ve ever made out with Katy, but I’ve kissed some b****es in my life.” “I’m sure you gathered this by now: I just do what I w...

The Tourist opens this weekend. Johnny Depp + Angelina Jolie = isn't that in the Bible somewhere? I do want to see this, but perhaps not as much as Black Swan and NO WHERE near as much as BURLESQUE. oh, Angelina. you scare me a little but are nonetheless gorgeous. The Tempest also opens. yawn. and the second in the Narnia series, which was the only film I have actually snuck a case of beer into the theater with me. Nicole Kidman = infinitely more interesting after booze. John Cheever was right! The dollar theater has brought in two movies which slipped through Tinseltown: You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger - latest Woody Allen film! stars Naomi Watts and Josh Brolin! Jack Goes Boating- Philip Seymour Hoffman directing Amy Adams. finally, at the Montessori School on Sterrettania tomorrow, Mrs. Bischof (hai) my teacher frined from high school is hosting an indie craft fair. description: Well, it is just like a typical craft fair, but the vendors are typically younger and more in t...

brittany weird-face kemp useless critic* I am forever watching you, searchers. DO SOMETHING p.s. stop searching for James Roday weight gain! this dismays both Al and I! *come now, I don't like my face either. or, as a matter of fact, anything about myself. I will say my face is probably one of my better features, guaranteed I haven't slept on it. or if you are just implying I am a weird person, you do realize this is like stating "the sky happen to be blue sometimes."

29. Fabolous & Chris Brown - Deuces Remix In May, Chris Brown and Tyga put out a mixtape called Fan of a Fan which I downloaded but never listened to. But I did listen to a mixtape by Fabolous called Coco Loso with this version. 28. Colette Carr - Weird Science Colette Carr is an 18-year-old girl from Malibu with multicolored hair who got her break freestyling onstage at a Game concert before he showed up at the venue. 27. Ciara - Ride "Ride" is the lead single from Basic Instinct. It was banned on BET for sexual dancing, sexual outfits, and Ludacris. It's on the slow jam side, but some of CiCi's best dance moves are in this video.

He sounds happy again! :) A

Before other people cut me off: 27.) "People Can Do the Most Amazing Things"- Kisses Jens Lekman loves them and you can plainly see why: because they are like him! one of my favorite discoveries of this year. 26.) "Let's Go Surfing"- The Drums it's too catchy! too happy! it makes me think of Presque Isle and I DON'T KNOW WHY! I also like the song "I Felt Stupid" because it sums up my attitude on a lottttt. 25.) "Not in Love"- Crystal Castles f. Robert Smith omg it's like the Cure at a rave and where is my beloved Alice Glass? to make a good song just cover some obscure 1980s hit...that's the ticket, I guess. also: RIP JOHN LENNON WHAT IS IT ABOUT THE CATCHER IN THE RYE THAT MAKES PEOPLE WANT TO KILL I HAVE READ IT IT IS AN OKAY BOOK

So it is time for me to get back into the groove of what spotlight is all about. This week I am giving the shoutout to Jerry Trainor because he rules. He is a star from Nickelodeon, seen on shows like iCarly and Drake and Josh, but he earns the powerpacked S/S of powerful awesomeness because he is amazing with comedy. One person even noted on a youtube video, "why isnt this dude more popular?" Anyway, this guy is super talented as an actor, so once his days on Nickeloden are up, look for him in other films and TV show. QATFYG: If you were on Nickelodeon, what would your stage name be? I would be Dan Schneider II.

I wanted to post a video of Wolf Biermann because I loved this song so much. It has been the song of the year for me really. If the video does not work for some reason, Britt has permission to delete it.

32. Cam'ron feat Young Dro & Vado - They Holla Ayoo Since the Dipset falling out in 2007, Vado has been on a lot of Cam'ron tracks, mostly those in the Boss of All Bosses series. The most insufferable part of this series is the fact that each track is watermarked with DJ drops that are far louder than the normal track volume. Individually there are probably a lot of good songs on the tapes, but it's so hard to listen to the ear-crunching DJ drops track after track that I usually move on to other Cam. "They Holla Ayoo" stands out despite the the DJ meddling. 31. Ciara - Blauw Here's another CiCi track the leaked leading up to Basic Instinct. It never made it to the album, which is a shame because it's got a great hook, and Basic Instinct's kind of short anyway. 30. Vistoso Bosses - All Pink Everything The media fauxgles who brought you Soulja Boy, Collipark Music, are back to bring you a pair of 17-year-old girls rapping over his beats on their deb...

Pink Martini (think this bossanova-like huge orchestra from Portland) released a holiday album. surprisingly, it's good . I don't know why I wrote "surprisingly." it's not like they could do anything bad. they make me want to drink wine and talk about art. they've been to Erie twice and BOTH TIMES I HAVE MISSED THEM :( .... I just downloaded the Josh Groban Christmas album. why? this is why : he is saying "I am better dressed than you." I am tweeting to him until he responds. .... I am reading this biography of John Cheever, famous American short story writer, which has driven me to perfect my Bostonian accent. JOHN, REMEMBAH YOU AH A CHEEVAH my sister said the New Yorker won't take my shit. psssh.

So a long time ago, I wrote a post on musical phases. “Take me back to the year of the Bass.” Everyone goes through musical phases, and for my music fads change almost every year. Recap on Nader Bouberhan’s Musical Endeavors/Youtube Diary: 2007: Nothing but Bass Guitarists 2008: World Music and Listening to Chocolate Rain by Tay Zonday and Snow’s Informer on repeat. 2009: Broadway Musicals with numerous tracks from Davis Gaines. The only constant in all of these years has been my obsession with Irish melodies via Luke Kelly, The Dubliners, and various artists and guitarists on the internet. But as for the year 2010, it is hard for me to place an exact genre. One of the main reasons is now in Algeria, I have no connection with my youtube favs thanks for faulty internet. However, in addition to my beloved Emerald Isle reels and jigs (hearts to you Michael King), This year has been a combination of….. Comedy Rock This includes Cars Can Be Blue, the Arrogant Worms, and of course Steven Lyn...

I don't care if I move to fucking Africa, I AM NOT MISSING KE$HA AT CLARION it's like SHE KNEW I WAS A FAN, and she had to schedule at my college, but then she waited a year and went to the wrong one. oh Ke$ha you silly slut! lol I WILL STILL GO ANYWAY

Well, Brittany is doing this, and I figure if you can't stop her from doing something, you might as well do a third-rate knockoff of it. There are two tracks in my list that aren't hip-hop, pop, or r&b, and they're both in this list. So pardon me if the list seems to start out with fewer jams than anticipated, but they will be coming in due time. 35. Neil Young - Angry World In 2010, Neil released his most stripped-down electric album, which sounds closer to drone doom than anyone would've anticipated. The riff on the refrain is great. 34. Ciara - Lose My Mind Ciara was supposed to release a Basic Instinct mixtape leading up to the album's release, but considering it will be released in nine days I don't see it happening. This song is theoretically on it, as are some others that will come later. They're also available on the Dat Piff mixtapes I posted earlier. 33. Darkthrone - Those Treasures will Never Befall You I have to give the devil his due. Bl...

whoever just googled "b. kemp useless critic blog" I'm gonna slap you.

I will alternate between holiday songs and what I think are the best songs of 2010 for you. only for you, dear readers. my list is accessible on my hypem on the side of this fine page. ;) the things I do for you, readers, who mostly hail from Denmark. hi Denmark! I started off with a goal of 30 that quickly expanded to 35. it was a very good for music! so it was a hard decision. other contributors: feel free to join me in my efforts. and I don't care what you rank. commercials, Kardashians, news items. I DON'T CURR. 35.) "The End of the World Is Bigger Than Love"- Jens Lekman I called this classic Jens and I stand by that description. just heart-achingly beautiful. 34.) "Get Some"- Lykke Li OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD. Sarah Silverman has this skit about how she wants to fuck this kind of cheese. And there we have my feelings about this song. Oh, Lykke. 33.) "Boy Lililolllllikoi boy I can't spell today"- Jonsi The lead singer of Sigur Ros' solo e...

Hullo! In making this part of a pattern, I decided for the rest of the month I will highlight seasonal songs, just so I can torture you. Sofia Talvik's "Santa" Sofia is using the song to raise awareness of human trafficking. I asked her why she picked this cause- not that you can't see why- she responded: "I chose it because I think that Xmas is the children's holiday, and to know that there are children out there being used like this while we're all sitting with our families just breaks my heart. I think people need to be aware how big this modern day slave trade really is and start doing something about it. " I know the modern day slave trade exists- it just seems to be swept under the rug (with a lot of things)- and you can read more on it here: http://www.humantrafficking.org/ . take a listen! and consider making a donation!

your prize is me reading your poetry on a video on the interwebz. I was going to wait til I felt okay about myself to do it, so it might be indefinite on that. JUST LETTING YOU KNOW, SEVEN CONTESTANTS. I WILL SPEAK YOUR WORDS. also, if you want a gift card to the Olive Garden, just let me know. I can make it happen.

Remember how much Alanis' sophomore album sucked? Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie ? and how nearly every other album she has produced has also sucked? me too. this was my introduction, so long ago, to the concept of the "sophomore slump." As much as I'd like to turn and pretend this isn't really an accurate idea, someone else has proved me wrong, again. Meet: Myla Goldberg. yeah, that girl from the Decemberists song. who is a real person, as I found out over the summer, reading her very likable, very fine first novel, Bee Season . which was turned into a movie with the likes of Richard Gere and Juliette Binoche (!!!) in 2005. it's about a quirky Jewish girl with family issues who finds out she excels at spelling bees when she thought she sucked at everything. I know what you are thinking, friend. You are thinking "Brittany you just described my life." I know, friend. I know. I particularly love spelling bees. I ache for the day I can host one and...

up for noms: Arcade Fire, Cee-Lo, Lady Gaga, Bruno Mars, Vampire Weekend, Robyn, Eminem, the cast of Glee (?), Miranda Lambert, Florence + the Machine (swoon!), ... overall I think it was a decent showing for once. except Justin Bieber showed up in there. somewhere.

So hello world; Spotlight / shoutout is back, and taking the golden s/s of fantasismicness is none other than Shakira; Everyone has a favorite Lebanese Colombian , and for most people it is Shakira. Spotlight is a column that is geared to showcasing talented actors, and although, Shakira is more known for her music; she has been popping around television from time to time. This includes; an appearance on Wizards of Waverly Place, which I adore. But the real reason she receives the s slash s is because of two things; 1. My cousin bought me her MP3 pack; and 2. This bitch knows how to moisturize. She has been on the scene since like 1991, and she has not aged a day. No lie, this chica picante is pushing 34, and her hips are still shaking strong. Other Latin goofs such as Ricky Martin can no longer shake for shits. QATFYG: Do you like Shakira? Who is your favorite Lebanese Colombian? Do you like it when pop stars are on the tele? And do you like short latin people?