The Useless Critic 2.0

 This was the collaboration I didn't even know I needed (or would much less get) this year. "My Scandinavian pain," sang by the Sigur Ros crooner toward the beginning of the track. And although the lyrics might say another story, the song itself is such an upbeat and unique pop song that it's hard to pull away.  Jonsi's newest album "Shiver" dropped yesterday, which (as far as I can tell) is getting good reviews. But this truly fantastic duet right is enough for me (listening to the Jonsi album is on my to-do list). It actually reminds me a bit of another Scandinavian - Fever Ray.  Also, can I just say, I'm so happy we are seeing more of Robyn these past few years? I missed her.

Have U been waiting awhile for a new Robyn song?  So have I.  Enjoy this teaser above.  The new track drops Monday.  It has allegedly leaked online so ask your local purveyor of pirated material if you are a part of the criminal underworld.  

Ellie Goulding, "Love Me Like You Do" / "Something in the Way You Move" I must admit it took me a few listens to realize how grand and majestic "Love Me Like You Do" is. The song is so tender and ethereal, but it's also brooding and has an underlying darkness to it. Plus I think it was a perfect fit for the scene in Fifty Shades of Grey where Christian takes Anastasia on a helicopter ride overlooking Seattle's night skyline (I actually enjoyed the movie, judge me). "Something in the Way You Move"—from Goulding's latest LP Delirium —marries a shimmering synthpop backdrop with foreboding, somewhat dark lyrics, which document the singer's dooming attraction to a nameless guy who is bad for her, but she can't help it even if it's bound to end in heartbreak: "When our eyes meet, I can only see the end / But tonight I'm here, yours again." Thematically, it wouldn't sound really out of place in the Fifty Sh...

I'm banking my hope on this in particular: The Robyn/Royksopp tour-reunion may save us all. This article from Reader's Digest actually highlights several reasons 2014 could be/will be amazing. Reader's Digest is kind of wonky online, FYI.  A few weeks from now will be five years of the Useless Critic online. I'm pumped about this, but I also would actively like to be doing things differently. I want this to be more creative, more focused, more driven, more meaningful. So there's our goal to work toward in 2014. Things may change drastically; we'll see. I'm also beginning to implement a lot of personal changes- which hasn't been notable so far, but I think it will work out long term.

First of all, this new direction she's going in. I quite like it! It seems more intense and less cerebral. It seems to draw on more of her amazing guitar skills- and it's a little disconnected and discombobulated, but in a cool way. ANNIE I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE BACK EVEN THOUGH YOU HAVE WHITE HAIR AND THAT IS WEIRD Her self-titled fourth album is being called (by her) "a party record you could play at a funeral." Good, because I always wanted that. She announced her ~tour dates~ for 2014. They are as follows: 02-13 Berlin, Germany - Postbahnhof 02-15 Amsterdam, Netherlands - Paradiso 02-17 Brussels, Belgium - Ancienne Belgique 02-18 Paris, France - La Cigale 02-20 London, England - O2 Shepherds Bush Empire 02-21 Manchester, England - Manchester Cathedral 02-22 Dublin, Ireland - Olympia Theatre 02-26 New York, NY - Terminal 5 02-27 Boston, MA - House of Blues 02-28 Philadelphia, PA - Union Transfer 03-01 Washington, DC - 9:30 Club 03-04 Saxap...

I have a theory that Miley Cyrus is copying Robyn. Today, I am sharing evidence of this.  I am not the first person to have this thought obviously. 1.) The hair. I hate to admit to this, but Miley had lovely hair before 2012. She had nice, all-American locks. The kind that did her well in a Nicholas Sparks movie. Now? Meanwhile, we have Robyn: 2.) Snoop Dogg (Lion?) 3.) Being Weird and I think Miley probably admires Robyn's transition to an adult star and hopes to emulate it, but Robyn is a queen. Miley seems to be having...some weird growing pains. Billy Ray, what did you do!

Song of the Day I don't understand this video at all, but thought it would be rather hip and ironic if I chose a Swedish artist today. God bless Amurrruka! And Robyn, the self-proclaimed "most killingest pop star on the planet."

I don't know what big-ass rock I've been living under, because this happened in FEBRUARY. I hear the guy from "The Princess Bride" saying "twoo wuv" Joanna Newsom and comedian Andy Samberg are officially about to get hitched. When? I have no idea. Why? Well, that picture me seems like a like a look of adoration, so. I guess! For a long time, I really didn't like this couple. But Andy Samberg has grown on me exponentially. Thus, I've given them my *meaningless* stamp of approval. Stamp, stamp. All done! I just hope he doesn't introduce her to Adam Sandler. Or who knows; maybe she's a big "The Waterboy" fan.  Here's the new Lonely Island video with P. Diddy, Robyn and Paul Rudd. Why yes! I've had dreams like this for YEARS-

You may know Diamond Rings . I first heard him in Toronto, oddly:  his homebase. Or you may not know him, but you should. Also, I know I promised not to do a lot this week, because I need to focus my energy elsewhere, but this is a special circumstance!  I honestly didn't expect this to come back so fast, but here we go- a few questions with the extremely unique Canadian singer-songwriter, aka John O'Regan: UC: What was your impetus behind your new album? John:  "Free Dimensional" is about embracing my own diversity as a person and artist through the medium of music. UC:  You were/are touring with fellow Canadians Stars. How did that go? John:  Great! We played some really classy venues and had some really enlightening conversations with the band about music and life. They're now really good friends. UC:  How does color figure into your work? It seems like a strong theme for you. John:  Colour is not as important to me now as it was in ...

Part of a five-part series that will begin and end today SUP EVERYONE. Did you know  Sweden is a musical mecca? yeah I thought so! After all, they did bring us the world's best pop group ever.... okay, so I love ABBA. just like everyone else that breathes oxygen. but did you know what OTHER great bands/performers have hailed from Heaven/Sverige??? NO, NOT JUST THE A-TEENS OR ACE OF BASE. Although "Beautiful Life" is catchy shit: my sister loved Ace of Base when we were kids. so I grew up listening to a lot of Ace of Base. it became my standard thing, whenever "The Sign" was played, to imagine the elaborate music video I would direct for it, if ever given the chance. this video would include the following: - my stuffed animals dressed as Indians. - Zuck Park (google it) - some kind of gigantic gong? anyway, this music video has ever yet to see the light of day. and you know, I just remembered this whole thing like six months ago. weird, wei...

And so the week rolls on. I know this will be mainly Al and me, but I don't really care.  Here's a picture of Katy Perry: think fast! if you just glossed mindlessly over that pic, would you think- hmm, Zooey? SEE: I CHALLENGE YOU TO SCROLL UP AND DOWN 500 TIMES IN A ROW. IT'S LIKE AN OPTICAL ILLUSION.  that being said, people have long asked- or since either of these two were present in mainstream's consciousness- WHO CAME FIRST? Chicken, or egg? Battleship or Monopoly? Do not Wikipedia the last question! I don't want to know! A lot of people have accused them of having the same style. Eh. A lot of hipsters have it- trust me, I see it everyday.  here's two more pics of the girls for you to see: (EYE CANDY, AM I RIGHT?)  PENSIVE ZOOEY:  "where is M. Ward and his guitar when I need them?" as opposed to SULTRY KATY:  "Robyn! LET'S GO TO CRACKER BARREL!" fact:  Katy Perry LOVES Cracker Barrel but be hones...

For those of you that don't know, No Doubt confirmed their new album will be out before the year is over (FIONA APPLE YOU LISTENING THEY'RE BEATING YOU) and will have hints of Rock Steady  on it, as well as the influences of New Order and Depeche Mode. This IS HUGE NEWS FOR ME. Like, EPIC news. and that word is seriously overused BUT IN THIS CASE IT IS CALLED FOR. I have started a twitter campaign to get Robyn and No Doubt to tour together. I just think if Gwen and Robyn shared a stage, at some point, I could die of multiple orgasms and go to the afterlife with no regrets, like Edith Piaf sings about.  Onwards, let's dissect this song: If you bore me then I'm comfortable If you interest me I'm scared My attraction paralyzes me No courage to show my true colors that exist But I want to be the real thing But if you catch my eye can't be authentic The one's I loathe are the ones that know me the best.... conclusion:   - faking it - fak...

Katy Perry (slut!) + Robyn (goddess) + Marina and the Diamonds (EHHHHH) = United States summer tour. I love this time of year because it gives me incentive to look forward to the summer. also, wtf is up with the world today? be nice, you bunch of jerks. (so far there are no dates I can find)

A few days ago, Yelle answered some questions for me. I shouldn't say Yelle though because that is to generalize and say Julie Budet is the whole band. Yelle is the band; Julie Budet the awesome singer who I talked to. THERE IS A DIFFERENCE! that's like saying "omg I talked to Garbage" when you only talked to Shirley Mansion. I know there are boys involved! somewhere! In case you did't see my post a few months ago, Yelle is back at making music, releasing "La Musique," which is a lot of bombastic fun. it sounds like spaceships and the like. when I listen to it, I want to see lasers. which I think sums the aesthetic up nicely! The first album was 2007's Pop Up which is such a good album, featuring the likes of the !!!! "JE VEUX TE VOIR." video time: COLORS COLORS COLORS (I'm sorry for the poor quality!) the new album is to be all in French (no surprise) and comes with a tour, which includes shows with K. Perry. of course though it's...

up for noms: Arcade Fire, Cee-Lo, Lady Gaga, Bruno Mars, Vampire Weekend, Robyn, Eminem, the cast of Glee (?), Miranda Lambert, Florence + the Machine (swoon!), ... overall I think it was a decent showing for once. except Justin Bieber showed up in there. somewhere.

"Stars 4 Ever" is easily the best. it sounds like all the other Body Talks , to be honest. but that's a good thing! I don't know what I am going to ask Robyn when I sneak pass security and accost her in her dressing room. maybe she will be in my dreams tonight like Inception and we'll make a connection. I'm on an Inception kick lately. really it's just a Marion Cotillard kick, but I am not that shallow. right? ... YOU AND ME TOGETHER go click on that hype machine link on the side of the page. see it? yes. go. click click click.

I am currently devouring THE HISTORY OF LOVE by Nicole Krauss. She's married to Jonathan Safran Foer, another amazing modern (most of the writers I like are dead people). I can't recommend to you this book enough. there seems to a lot of Jewish identity literature out there right now, but it's all remarkable. and heartbreaking and beautiful and human etc. things I look for in a novel. funny, too. the movie is coming out in early 2011, so get on that shit, friend. also, Ms. Krauss just put out Great House not too long ago. have you read that yet? what are you reading, anyway? SMUT? their writing styles are similar. so I have this fantasy of these two married writers giving each other feedback and proofreading and etc. I bet they sit in bed after sex and read each other's scenes and are like "DARLING, THIS ADJECTIVE SHOULD GO THERE." ah! Dunkin Donuts opens on November 23rd. Harry Potter comes out soon and Wenli is dragging me to see it (wish you could come, Eu...

Body Talk release details! Body Talk: Released… USA – 22nd Nov Scandinavia – 22nd Nov Australia – 26th Nov UK – 29th Nov Germany – 3rd Dec I’m going to keep mixing up my tours with studio time and am hoping to stick to this new way of releasing music next year. This is the third, last part and completion of the Body Talk album. It was never my goal to break some kind of a world record in how many songs I could release in a year. Although I think it would count as a pretty good attempt, it’s been about the process for me. It’s been very interesting to try and figure out a more organic way of making music. A way that is unbiased and has it’s starting point in what feels logical to me, but also to the listeners. Even though it was never a conceptual idea, but a practical solution to the problem of getting bored with just doing one thing at a time, it has influenced not only the music, but all the visual content for the album as well. And the way I’ve communicated with press and listeners....

Let me tell you what's new on the Internet. Robyn is up to something. Add her on Facebook. Additionally, Colette Carr has been active on Facebook. She will basically 'like' whatever you post on her wall, and she's been giving out signed copies of her mixtape for various monkey business that you can do for her on the Internet. I have yet to win one, but I am certain that this is a clerical error. Stay Tooned. She is also going to guest star on the ABC series 'The Whole Truth' in the near future. You can hate me now. But I won't stop now. Cause I can't stop now. You can hate me nnoooww .