The Useless Critic 2.0

Someone sent me this infographic the other day regarding the hidden dangers of energy drinks- Please Include Attribution to OnlineDegrees.org With This Graphic This comes from OnlineDegrees.org. While I can't say I agree with it 100 percent, it's definitely eye-opening.... *glug glug RockStar glug* I'M SORRY I HAVE A PROBLEM

  I watched these episodes late at night, which I usually don’t do. My notes are a little...weird. But it’s okay, I’ve had my coffee. If I had to nail down a specific theme for both of the episodes is “trust issues.” The Girls have some daddy issues and the Enlightened crew deal with trusting each other, as usual. [Sorry for the delay, everyone. That silly thing called "life" got in the way this week.]

Yesterday, electro goddess Little Boots revealed via Instagram that her upcoming second album will be titled Nocturnes , along with the cover art and track listing: If this wasn't exciting enough, the album's first track, "Motorway," is being offered as a free download on Bootsie's official website ! She originally premiered the song live at the America's Cup World Series in Cascais, Portugal back in August 2011. To be honest, I don't really know what to make of this song at first listen—hopefully it's a grower. Still, heaven knows how much I've waited for this. Obviously, I need a GIF to express my excitement: Nocturnes will be released on May 5, 2012 via Little Boots' newly launched On Repeat Records imprint. It is already available for pre-order on iTunes.

Song of the Day Wow. I'm impressed. 

I know we all have our favorites and the ones we dread winning anything (for me it's "Lincoln." I grimace- I bet it's great, but to me it reads way too safe). I know we all think Sally Field is going to pull an Angelina Jolie and show us her leg. I know  Tommy Lee Jones might be scowling the whole time. Or not. I will pass on making predictions on winners or questionable clothing choices. Instead, I aim to celebrate the real star of all the movies 2012 brought the masses- JESSICA CHASTAIN'S SUNGLASSES IN "ZERO DARK THIRTY" All the caps in the world are deserved here. She rocks these aviators like the CIA badass she is supposed to be. Or is it not the CIA? Whatever I don't care. I have yet to see this film. I just know she has become my fashion icon and if I could pull off being a firecrotch (si) I'd dye my hair. Moar photos needed! AND That photo is from Just Jared obviously, a real website. But I mean, look how...

Song of the Day We all know this is winning the "Best Song" Oscar tonight. Norah Jones doesn't stand a chance.  I don't even like Adele really, but there is this. 

Song of the Day This band- whom I have loved for years- has a new album coming out in April, "The Great Perhaps." And this track can be downloaded for free! It's always nice to hear from The Boy Least Likely To. 

I'm relatively a new fan of Tyler Knott Gregson 's work, but that doesn't make me any less a fan. He's rekindled some kind of primal poetic urge in me I've long had dormant. He seems to be mostly known for his "typewriter" series (as pictured above). He's also a photographer. A little while ago, I sent him several questions. Tyler replied yesterday, and read on to see what his answers were to my questions: UC: How/why did you get started doing typewriter poetry? Tyler: I have always been writing, as long as I can remember, and I have always loved spilling out my words however I could possibly do so.  After writing a Daily Haiku on Love for over 3 years, I ended up buying an antique typewriter at a local antique store and just to break it in, I sat down and wrote an entire poem in about 2 minutes...no thinking it through, no proofreading, nothing.  Just sit and spill.  After the first, I was hooked and haven't slowed down since, 33...

Caroline is surprised to find so many hipster customers in the cupcake shop. Max renamed all the cupcakes after people from the '90s in order to attract the neighborhood hipsters. Caroline suggests they call the day-olds the Hugh Hefners. "That's not '90s," Max says. "He's in his 90s, and he's stale and hard," Caroline replies. That's clever. One of the hipsters orders a few cupcakes and invites Max to a '90s trivia contest that takes place in some hipster bar, saying she could win a lot of money. Obviously, Max is not thrilled about participating in a hipster contest. Outside, a street performer (guest star Andy Dick) is scaring customers away with his dancing marionette. When the girls go outside to ask him to move, the creepy puppeteer makes his puppet, Pierre, climb up Caroline and "kiss" her. Max instantly brands him a serial killer . He introduces himself as J. Petto, and after a seemingly friendly chat, Caroline polite...

Song of the Day I just realized how good this song is. 

Girls Episode 6: Boys Another week, another pair of masterful episodes. I’ve said it before, but I’m so pleased that HBO paired up Girls and Enlightened on the same night. Even though the stories and characters couldn’t be more different, the shows explore similar ideas. Maybe it’s a clever ruse by Lena Dunham and Mike White. Maybe they exchanged texts as they were writing their respective series. If they had, it might have been “Episode 6 is all about wanting everything out of life, but not getting it.” Because both shows this week were all about it. This week’s Girls opens with Hannah talking with John Cameron Mitchell. Well, really the journalist he’s playing, but come one. Mr/Mrs. Hedwig him/herself! Have you seen Hedwig and the Angry Inch ? If the answer is “no,” then stop reading, stop eating, stop masturbating or stop whatever it is you do when you read these recaps and go watch that film. … ... Okay? Are we good? Let’s continue. JCM is on...

Song of the Day I am coming out as a Josh Groban fan. When I saw he was covering this lovely song from "Once," I nearly DIED. DIED, I tell ya!

Song of the Day I am kind of obsessed with this. Justin Timberlake, I am embarrassingly excited for your new album. May you and Jessica Biel procreate like rabbits. 

If you are one of those people (such as myself) who miss the days of traditional Disney animation, you must check out "Paperman!" I'm sure you've all heard (somewhat) about the Oscar-nominated romantic short that was the prelude to "Wreck-It Ralph," but now it's available to stream online. Check it out- you will not regret these six minutes, I promise:

Reeva Steenkamp was someone I never heard of until two days ago, like I imagine the rest of the world. Valentine's Day morning brought with it news of her untimely death. I read the news story in horror, curled up in my comforter (before Smores peed all over it as she tends to do).  This story was heartbreaking  because she seemed like she just- wow. From all accounts, just a radiant, positive and engaging person. She was on the cusp (it seemed) of REALLY making a name for herself- and then she's just shot to death Valentine's morning. Reading that, I became terrified for all the women I love in my life.  I didn't include Oscar Pistorius' name until now because I'm gradually becoming more and more disgusted with him. At first it sounded accidental, him shooting his girlfriend in the early morning hours, but now it's not so sure.  I (like the rest of the world) was perplexed by the sudden fall of a man who served as such an inspiration.  We'll ...

HipKno Funk was my friend Sergio's electronic project with his friend Wolfgang. To me, they seemed like they were doing really well. Sergio sent me a song they did a while ago (last spring) and I LOVED it. I put it on my iPod and listened to it at work.  As I posted earlier, Sergio died this week. His funeral was today. This track was posted Tuesday. It was unfinished.  Sergio loved stuff like Justice and Daft Punk. There's echoes of that here, but the sound is unique. He was really talented, that kid. At his viewing yesterday, there was no doubt that kid was so loved. It just felt unreal. Like it shouldn't be happening. The world lost a rising talent. RIP. 

Pardon me for my tardiness, my shitty computer has been really driving me insane lately. I hate life, basically. So, did anyone else watch the Grammy Awards last Sunday? I know, talk about a yawn-fest, right? Let's face it—the Grammys haven't been interesting since 2010. Where is Gaga when we need her? Luckily, Kat Dennings graced an otherwise tedious event with her stunning presence: If being flawless was a crime, she'd be serving a life sentence And why exactly did bring up the Grammys? Well, stick around to find out, silly! "Girls, I have made a big decision," Han announces. Uh oh, these "big" decisions and announcements of Han's are always a cue for Max's mockery. "You're having a sex change? I totally support you, but be careful, Han—female-to-male is very tricky," Max says. See? "Well, you would know," Han snarks back. "He must have already started on the hormones," Caroline chimes in. Han's big ...

PRETTY IN PINK or Happy Valentine's Day, from the ghost of John Hughes! 

Song of the Day "Benoit" just announced a tour  to support his new album. He will be in Phoenix @ the Yucca Tap Room March 15. 

As announced last month, Mexico will be launching its own revamped Spanish-language version of The Greatest Show of Our Time. Co-produced with Warner Bros. International Television Production, Gossip Girl Acapulco is scheduled to debut in Mexico sometime this year, and as its title suggests, it will swap the fabulous streets of the Upper East Side for the sandy beaches of Acapulco. In other words, this... ...will become this : I now urge you to watch this following trailer: And these are my GIF-laden reactions, per usual: As you can see, Serena has become Sofía López-Haro, and Blair is now Bárbara Fuenmayor. " La tuitera más temible del lugar "?? " Ahí se ven, perras "???! God, this looks embarrassingly tacky. Plus, it's too tropical to be GG , I mean, New York was pretty much the soul of the original show. This could probably pass for a cheap Mexican knockoff of The O.C. , though. Either way, I honestly don't kno...

My friend died the other day. He was a really good guy and one of the first people I met out here who befriended me. He had great taste in music and an infectious smile. It has come to my attention that his funeral needs funding. Funerals are monumentally expensive events.  So, if you are able to donate even a dollar or two- that is so appreciated. You know I've never posted about something such as this here, but this boy deserves a proper funeral. 

  Girls Episode 5: One Man's Trash To be truthful, I was so tired today, I didn't know if I'd get these done. But I made iced coffee, and holy shit is it waaaay too strong. Yet I keep drinking it. So, I got these recaps done. How about that?   Can you believe we’re already at the halfway point for both these shows? Crazy. This week, Girls and Enlightened change things up a bit by focusing on one character and highlighting another, respectively. Oh, did anyone watch the Grammys? Yeah, neither did I. This episode of Girls focuses on Hannah and Hannah alone, and that’s just fine for this recapper. It’s exhausting to navigate all the interwoven storylines. Hannah and Ray are outside of the cafe, and Hannah thinks she’s just come up with a new term: “sexit.” Like a sexy exit, as in “let’s sexit this boring party.” Ray looks it up on urbandictionary.com and it’s been used as a quick exit from the act of sex, aka a “French exit.” Hannah is bumm...