The Useless Critic 2.0

AKA Bleeding-Heart Tribute to Lykke Li and Trip-Hop-Influenced Sounds Hi friends, I've been living in a cave growing a beard. Just kidding: Although I probably will be now that Mila Kunis is carrying the antichrist's child. I mean ... Ashton Kutcher . ack ack ack ack ACK ack I guess I've been slacking, but I have an interview to post soon, a book review and some other this and that to do. In the meantime, here's a playlist to get you through the night. Spotify, you need to start paying me commission or something.

I don't think I've done an "I'd Hit It" in quite some time, and so, in order to bring this back in grand fashion, I decided to do it for my great love, Marion Fucking Cotillard. I first fell in love with Marion Cotillard during her Oscars speech. It was 2006? 2007? And I remember how sincere and cute she was. Oh, goodness. I love cute foreign girls with accents. It is my weakness. And a French accent? You know she could read the phonebook and it would be sexy. Do not kid yourself. I always thought blonde girls were my type- but Marion Cotillard led me down some other rabbit hole. Oh, here: Anyway, Miss Marion will soon be appearing with Mila Kunis (not as a couple, although I so wish) in "Blood Ties." Directed by her "partner." Yeah, whatevs. Marion, you just haven't met me yet. There is nothing more attractive than a gorgeous fresh-faced woman. Also, she will be taking over for Natalie Portman in the newest Macbeth f...

See her calm a nervous reporter here if you haven't already: I have dreams like this.  

If you are at all familiar with the "Oz" canon (and I don't mean the prison-based TV show) then you likely know that "The Wizard of Oz" wasn't the end-all be-all to the saga. And finally, one of these other chapters is coming to life with a cast that includes: - Rachel Weisz - James Franco (sigh) - Mila Kunis - Michelle Williams  It's a Disney production and it looks relatively good. And I hate to say this but I think James and Mila have some serious chemistry between them. Take a look: And lest we forget: ;) p.s. I met a relative of L. Frank Baum's on the Greyhound last week. I'll update you on that excursion when I feel better. 

This is the result of a week worth of emailing back and forth between: - me - Cara - Kurt ALL OF SAW THE MOVIE OPENING DAY. I did this because I am partially in love with Mila, and how could I not? Also:  Cara had sex with Justin Timberlake at a concert in 2002. And Kurt is just a slut! me:   "Friends With Benefits" was a great film, because not only does Mila Kunis get me wet, Jenna Elfman has one percentile of her acting talent still in tact. Did the Church of Science Fiction not manage to suck it all out? Who knows. Cara:   HAHAHA REMEMBER WHEN JENNA ELFMAN SHOWED UP AS A STRIPPER IN CAN'T HARDLY WAIT? me:   OH MY GOD REALLY WHY Kurt:   Are we really gonna talk about Jenna fucking Elfman? I, for one, will not. Instead, I pose a quandary: Justin Timberlake sneeze/orgasm. Is this an actual thing? Is it adorable, or would it get super annoying? What if he's drinking something--OR what if he's going down on someone and sneegasms?! me: ...

- Mila Kunis is going to play a witch in the new OZ prequel in the making right now. kind of already want to make out with her always do always do - the new Friendly Fires is amazing. check it THEIR NEW ALBUM Pala May 16th (my birthday!) good sign! - Lindsey Lohan wants to be known as just Lindsey. simply Lindsey. nothing-else-but-Lindsey. yup. BITCH, PLEASE. I invite Lindsey to borrow my twitter tag: #hypocriticalwhore it sometimes varies: #cheapwhore #apatheticwhore #stupidwhore #bingedrinkingwhore #neuroticwhore #middleclassedwhitegirlwhore you see a pattern?

QATFYG: Which Mila look do you like more? Red Carpet Ponytail? Or Black Chinese Vera Wang? Personally, I would go for Black Chinese Vera Wang. That surprises me. I always thought I would want Mila all in red.......and yes for photographic purposes. PS: The black was labeled as Black Chinese Vera Wang, but does anyone know a real name for that dress?

to get you in the mood: Never Tear Us Apart- INXS All Black Everything- Lupe Fiasco A Girl Like You- Edwyn Collins Need You Tonight- INXS Tonight (I'm Fucking You)- Enrique Iglesias Like a G6- Far East Movement (which needs to be on every mix everrrr) that song the Black Eyed Peas did which samples Dirty Dancing Tinie Tempah and Ellie Goulding? Faith- George Michael (because I can) Justify My Love- Madonna (this video is so nasty) Justify My Thug- Jay-Z another INXS song for good measure Baby- Justin Bieber Only Girl in the World- Rihanna- HOW I AM GOING TO MAKE HER FEEL someday. Al asked me to, and I did.

Once again I journey back in time, and here is the review of American Psycho II starring Mila Kunis. Anyway, I could take an approach to this film that I have done with many of my other reviews and just summarize the plot with a few notes, but since this is Mila Kunis week, I will take a different approach and illuminate what this film has to offer. If you want… Mila Kunis strutting across a college campus in black leather with A LOT of attitude, William Shatner getting pimp diesel with quite a few undergrad women, A cat named Ricky Martin, Mila Kunis strangling a man to death with a condom, Very happy music with very sad lyrics, A janitor that almost resembles Phineas Gage, And the name of director Morgan J. Freeman, Then, this film is for you. So I do not always use the star system, but this time I have almost no choice. 4 Stars………..but on a scale of 1 to 10. Result: 4/10 Stars This was a film that so clearly had its pros and cons. There were things I liked, and things I did not like...

Like seriously, some Mila photos just have to be shared...... Like seriously.... When I found this photo, it was labeled Mila Kunis as "Batgirl," but after a closer look, the actual title is Mila Kunis as "The Huntress." QATFYG: What title would you give to this photo? I would just call it dessert.

As you have realized, this is Mila Kunis week. no shit. this photo is for you Cara! anyway, I wanted to wax on why I became a Mila Kunis fan. It's not like I jumped on the bandwagon after Black Swan although it really helped matters. seriously helped matters. in high school, I watched a lottt of That 70s Show. in fact, I was surprised to say it became one of my favorite shows in that time period. not necessarily the smartest sitcom, but it was fun and the chemistry made it work. plus, the writing! (note to you, the Turners are the team also behind 3rd Rock From the Sun ). my favorite character was easily JACKIE. why? - she was a bitch - she was a bitch - she was a bitch I'm easy. behold: her attitude and demeanor were what got me. she was shallow and seemingly stupid (although not really) so I fell in love. DONNA, YOU LUMBERJACK. now flash forward to the last season of That 70s Show , when both Ashton Kutcher and Topher Grace, the two draws of the show, left. Leaving behind ev...

I made a drawing of Demi Lovato once, and someone told me that I made art like a serial killer. This is more like semi-stalkerish. But all that aside, here is a series of popular Mila images in the color blue. QATFYG: Have you ever made a fan video before?

So I had the idea to make a photo spread all of Mila in red, but then I came across two wallpaper images that really sold me. This is a way for me to showcase my interest in Mila Kunis and my fascination with large monochrome blocks of red....true. This first image is the pure essence of simplicity, yet the pure essence of elegance all in one. It combines the emotions that humans yearn for all in a single stare. This second one reminds me of that television show "Wild and Crazy Kids," except instead of kids, it is a woman. It is the wild child that is in us all, a creation of inner youth, and it is like a hand reaching toward you and offering happiness. QATFYG: Who creates a stare that has all the emotions that you often yearn for? Who has a hand that offers you happiness? And does anyone remember the show "Wild and Crazy Kids?"

This is something that I have mentioned multiple times on the blog. One of the things in life that just truly makes my rocks roll is Mila Kunis speaking in Russian. Mila briefly speaking in Russian If you want to jump right to the Russian part, skip to 45 seconds in. "00.45" Mila Kunis on her Russian Roots Also with Mark Wahlberg...Just for fun...this vid is all Mark, but Mila gives him the approval. And now, thanks to YarnForHair Mila Gets Punk+D, Russian Ensues QATFYG: Anyone else got anymore Mila in Russian videos?

Good Morning Monday, So like many comic strips from Garfield have noted….Monday is a drag……..but this week, there is a new reason to smile. Here at the Useless Critic we will be devoting this entire week to Mila Kunis. It appears that multiple members of our contributing team have developed a rather fascinating obsession with her, so here you go………. Let Mila Kunis Week begin.. QATFYG : Could you ever imagine Mila Kunis in a Garfield strip ? Just as I wrote that, the words “Garfield Strip” suddenly seem rather enthralling.

Mila Kunis v. Amy Adams in a vat of mud. I saw the Fighter yesterday, which I had no expectations for. like really, I couldn't get the big buzz around this movie. I like boxing, I think it's a noble sport, but really? come on. anyway I saw it and DAMN. Mark Wahlberg puts together a solid film- pretty much everyone who acts in this movie acts their little hearts out. ESPECIALLY THE GANG OF BOSTONIAN SISTER SKANKS. oh American classism movies. Amy Adams does an admirable job of breaking from the mold and Christian Bale!!!! crack is BAD, kids! RATING: A/9.3 Marion Cotillards out of a Gwen Stefani. p.s. this must be the year of crazy mom pictures.

WHERE THE FUCK IS MILA'S NOMINATION I'M NOT SEEING IT ANYWHERE AND THIS IS MAKING ME ANGRY are James Franco and Anne Hathaway (aka the new Catwoman, I don't know how to feel about that, Christie let me see you in a leather outfit some time then we'll talk) going to suck as hosts? is it going to make you feel as awkward as watching Ricky Gervais? because that was like a car skidding off the side of the highway and you are like "oh stop car please!" but then BOOM so let's just do this: major categories BEST PICTURES The Fighter Inception The Kids Are All Right The King's Speech 127 Hours The Social Network Toy Story 3 True Grit Winter's Bone The Social Network what will probably win: The Social Network because Facebook obviously owns the world. but I could see the King's Speech or Inception making a go for it. props to Toy Story 3 and what is Winter Bone? I'm glad neither Kathie Lee Gifford or Hoda Kotb know either. I feel comforted. BEST...

- Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis were there. I am not sure what else happened. - Jenny Lewis was with Jake Gyllenhaal all night! - I should see the Social Network. local boy Trent Reznor cleaned up done good for that nom! mmm hmmm

Recently, someone commented on the blog with you guys, all I think about now is Mila Kunis. is this normal? No surprise it was Britt, but to answer your question. Yes it is normal.. ..to have Mila Kunis obsessively running through your mind. I used to just watch interviews with her on youtube, just because I loved the sound of her voice. I watched the clip where she speaks in Russian over and over and over, just because it sounds like poetry from a Greek Goddess running down your eardrum and having rough sex with your soul. At this time, I would challenge any other Useless Critic contributor to put up a Mila Kunis obsession post, or just a Mila Kunis post in general. QATFYG: How do you Milafy yourself? MILKSHAKE