The Useless Critic 2.0

This is one of those nights I endure every few months in which I get no sleep at all. I first started getting these last year, and had what (lack of a better term here) one would call "stomach spasms" to accompany them. All I know is I have yet to keel over from one of these episodes, but boy are they unnerving. I was asleep for two hours, then I woke up, then I thought "My stomach feels weird and my skin is hot." Then I remembered I had eaten shrimp tails - NOT SOMETHING I DO OFTEN - tonight, and had eaten exceptionally later than I usually do. I've been up reading and playing with Smores, who likes to curl in a ball on my lap and purr, and sometimes she pees, but I have yet to be so blessed tonight. I was going to call my Mom and ask her if I was dying, like I do every other day, but I think she's still asleep. I was bit by a spider last night. I know because I woke up with what can only be described as a faux vampire bite on my arm. I have been research...

I am just finding this out myself. seriously, be careful out there....people get murdered off this website. I don't know why it's not more regulated- I mean, I guess it goes to show you a few bad apples can spoil the batch for everyone. recently I got myself into a terrible situation via this website. I was very naive about and I really don't want any potential readers to make the same mistake I did. just- if something sounds too good to be true IT IS.

I answered her Craigslist casual encounter ad. I knew after her break with Justin Long, she wanted the taste and warmth of a real man. naturally she sought me and my vagina out. We were headed to Jamba Juice, where she would be wearing one white rose in her hair and a coconut bra. I couldn't keep myself from fantasizing at red lights, while listening to the best of Kanye West on my tape player. oddly, it was one track. "LIkE HI BRITTANY," she said when I arrived, air-kissing both cheeks. "I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU SINCE-" all of a sudden, she exploded. and not in that good way that would have made me feel imperious in my sexual abilities. no: she exploded like a pumpkin on Halloween the victim of a juvenile's baseball bat. "JENNIFER ANISTON?" The more I gazed on the bard-less wonder in front of my emotional thunder, Suddenly, I had forgotten the image of the exploded pumpkin, and I now looked upon it as the peeling of an orange. (mmmmm) I...

So recently I have been downloading a lot of mixtapes from DatPiff.com because they are free and I feel screwy about downloading stuff illegally all the time. Here are some facts I wouldn't have noticed without DatPiff.com: Nobody on DatPiff.com knows how to tag an mp3. Your LastFM scrobbles are all ciara - ciara - caira 03 feat crhis brow (versi . Piff stands for weed. Some mixtapes are official; others are fan-compiled. Some of the stuff on the site is probably illegal even if they say it is legal. So it's like Craigslist. Out of the fan-made mixtapes I've downloaded, a few of them are noteworthy. I will chronicle them in thousand-page-long love letters featuring hand-drawn hearts and calligraphy carefully torn from the perforated edge of a teenage girl's math notebook below. Cam'ron - Pink Season ( Link ) The cover art for this mixtape is terrible so I'm not going put it on here. It's the cover of XXL Magazine (?) with Cam'ron on it and some pin...