The Useless Critic 2.0

I don't think Nicki Minaj is really my cup of tea in the music world. She's not. I think she's cute, and I like her attitude, but I'll pass on listening to her. Despite the radio's current obsession with her. Note to you:  I haven't had to listen to the radio until recently. "Starships" makes no sense to me. Whatever. At all. Remotely. I've stopped the radio and asked the person riding with me "higher than a motherfucker? really? that's all she could come up with?" It just lacks creativity to me and I don't think motherfuckers come off as all that high, anyway. Well, on that note. Recently, as in this past weekend, as in yesterday , Nicki was barred from performing at the musical festival Hot Summer Jam. What was the problem ? It's a rap festival and yes, Nicki is like, the Katy Perry of rap, but still. The problem was that she was a "sell out." Oh bitch say WHAT. Okay, since when does the conc...

The Top Five Moments in the Madonna-Verse 5.) "Like a Prayer" when she makes out with black Jesus I was probably 3 when my sister and I watched "Like a Prayer" together on MTV. A beautiful, BEAUTIFUL video, but needless to say, my toddler self did NOT get it. Nonetheless:  GET IT GIRLLLLL yeah that's not the right one...deal with it, bitch. 4.) When she made out with Christina Aguilera and everyone forgot about it Let's be honest:  I too have made the mistake of making out with Christina Aguilera. What was it like? TONGUING A TOILET. Next, puhlease. CAN SMASH GET CANCELLED LIKE NOW? SERIOUSLY? (I know, I know, but my mind is warped and I tend to confuse the Voice and Smash)  3.) When she put out "Hung Up" sampling ABBA Arguably, one of her best songs. At the time this was released upon the world, I was drudging away at McDonald's, dreaming of bloody suicide. I like to believe this song prevented that from happening.  2.) When she gu...

I'm insanely excited for the Superbowl this year, because of Madonna. No I don't understand foosball. Sometimes I like to pretend I do, but in actuality:  there's a ball involved. And it used to be made of pigskin, but not really. Not anymore. Thanks PETA. GIVE ME ALL YOUR LOVE, BITCH (M.I.A. and Nicki Minaj are going to be on the final version of that track. food 4 thought) new M83 North American tour in 2012!!!!

- that Nicki Minaj looked like a tampon. - that Mick Jagger still has "it," whatever IT is. - Bob Dylan? WHAT HAPPENED? (awesome props to Mumford & Sons as well as Avett Brothers). - who is this Esperanza Spalding that beat both Biebs and the Floho for best new artist...well she seems cool. - BIEBS - perhaps it was a result of the alcohol, but I think I'd have sex with Biebs tonight. SO HELP ME GOD - "OMG"- Usher- I have been in love with this song for a while and just realized what it was. - Muse killed. Matt Bellamy's awkward shoutout to girlfriend Kate Hudson....eh. he's not getting any tonight. oh wait, it's Kate Hudson. ENSUE AWKWARD PREGNANCY SEX. - Lady Gaga was inspired by Whitney Houston. Whitney Houston, smoking a crack pipe somewhere, rejoices! - HAHAHA KINGS OF LEON AND MILEY PRESENTING TOGETHER I LOVE THIS WORLD I could wait and watch Arcade Fire, but nothing beats Cee Lo and Gwyneth for me. or the Nicole Kidman shots. man, I can...

did you go shopping today, Anne Hathaway? were you one of the crazies that camped outside Best Buy in the snow? because I sure as hell did not. this day frightens me. does Love and Other Drugs not look halfway horrible? HERE IS LIL' KIM TO BRING THINGS FULL CIRCLE oh shit! she's dissing Nicki Minaj. UH OH well, who went to jail and who didn't, Kim.