The Useless Critic 2.0

This weekend, I was supposed to make my way to Arizona to hang with the UC’s own Brittany and party like the world was ending. Long story short, the lovely (but not really) people at US Air were so unforgivably rude in their refusal to let me on the plane, despite me getting there well within time, I had a terrible panic attack/breakdown. Needless to say, I did not get to join my friends in AZ. And now I have to review this stinker of an episode. You have no idea how happy I am this season is over. Let’s see, in this episode, character’s storylines are woefully written, and we’re treated to some pointless flashbacks. Oh, and it’s Milla Jovovich’s birthday today, which means it’s my birthday, too! Coincidence? Well, yes, most certainly. But it is cool. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MILLA AND ME

Let me be honest: I am a biased. I love Milla Jovovich. And therefore, I have seen every Resident Evil film. What can one expect from the latest in this illustrious film series? Usually Milla’s character, Alice, running around in tight couture (usually designed by her own fashion haus, Jovovich-Hawk) kicking the shit out of ridiculously menacing zombies. Oh, and there’s usually a rag-tag group of survivors that she tries to help, but things usually don't turn out well for them. Resident Evil: Retribution delivers on all counts. Mild spoilers ahead!