The Useless Critic 2.0

Yesterday, Montreal-based instrumental grunge group AXLAUSTADE (taking their name from an Axl Rose-related incident) dropped their debut self-titled album. The group envisions it as "the soundtrack to a cool story." Very apropos of the height of grunge, the protagonist's love interest is imagined to be a woman who resembles Winona Ryder.  Although instrumental grunge is not a genre I tend to gravitate toward - nor is grunge in general really - I have to say, AXLAUSTADE crafted a compelling record (with the mixing help of Justin Raisen who has previously worked with the likes of Angel Olsen and the mastering help of Mike Bozzi who has worked w/ Childish Gambino). It's certainly heavy in places, much more mellow in others, and it is extremely polished with ventures off into shoegaze periodically. Check out "axl au stade" below:

A few days ago, I caught wind that one of my childhood heroes was reaching the 40 mark in her life. NO ZOOEY IS STILL SAFE, and I secretly anticipate the day I turn 40 with much eagerness.  I'm talking about Winona Ryder obviously if that picture didn't tip you off. Yes, Noni, the symbol of Generation X, the star of Reality Bites  and Girl Interrupted , the sometimes klepto, the OLD SWAN in Black Swan , is middle-aged. To me, and countless others, I'm sure she'll always hover somewhere between 16 and 28. I would just like to take the opportunity now to say WHAT happened to Alec Baldwin. damn! age, you cruel mistress! My personal favorite Winona moment is basically everything about Girl Interrupted  which I see as a prelude to the craziness that is Black Swan . I would really love for this girl to make a proper comeback. It seemed like it was about to happen with Black Swan  but then came the shitstorm of The Dilemma. Yup. Not happening anyti...

People make montages for everything. EVERYTHANG. I kid you not, I found a tribute to Marion done to Shaggy's "Angel." SOME PEOPLE JUST HAVE NO TASTE. MARION SET TO EDITH PIAF ENJOY IT, SAVOR IT, LIGHT SOME CANDLES AND LICK IT yeah, youtube is such an odd sociological phenomenon to me.  also, this exists:   LIKE I SAID, ODD SOCIOLOGICAL PHENOMENON. I rather watch a Marion montage than some up-close footage of Noni's feet. fun fact:  I will fantasize about these two things later. 

BLACK SWAN: - Natalie Portman - Mila Kunis - two above making out - WINONA RYDER IS IN IT - Barbara Hershey?!?!?!?! - WINONA RYDER IS IN A MOVIE LIKE, A REAL MOVIE BURLESQUE - CHER - FUCKING CHER - what do you think she sleeps in? the fat of baby virgins? - Christina - "hey, I'm just nothing....OH LET ME SING BENERNERELRLEKRE!" "Whoa, what?" - Flashdance but with Cher - seriously where the hell has Cher been hiding!

MATT DAMON WILL BE FORTY THIS YEAR. SO WILL WINONA RYDER. WHAT????????????????????? :( question: are you fucking Matt Damon? will Winona Ryder act ever again? "I'm F*$cking Matt Damon!" by Sarah Silverman from Sarah Silverman have a good weekend. p.s. HEREAFTER LOOKS AMAZING. LIKE, INCEPTION GOOD.

I had to read the article a few times before I could fully digest it. Even as I'm posting this now, I have trouble conceiving something so absurd. Erik Estavillo of San Jose, California has filed suit against the makers of World of Warcraft claiming that the game has alienated him from the rest of the world and society itself. :( Because of this game his life is now very sad. :( :( But it gets better. He has subpoenaed Depeche Mode Guitarist, Martin Gore as an expert witness on melancholy and sadness, all of which he claims has been caused by the game, WOW. Furthermore, this bloke is trying to call actress, Winona Ryder as another expert witness on sadness. In the past other gamer's lawsuits have been failures such as.... a suit against Microsoft, claiming a broken Xbox 360 caused him undue stress; a claim against Sony, alleging they violated his First Amendment rights by banning him from their network; and a claim against Nintendo, arguing that by blocking certain Wii softwar...

in the midst of a time of angsting: Veronica Sawyer: This may seem like a really stupid question... J.D.: There *are* no stupid questions. Veronica Sawyer: You inherit 5 million dollars the same day aliens land on the earth and say they're going to blow it up in 2 days. What do you do? J.D.: That's the stupidest question I've ever heard. SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL http://jezebel.com/5275707/heathers-sequel-in-the-works-how-very MOAR QUOTES Veronica Sawyer: Dear Diary: Heather told me she teaches people "real life." She said, real life sucks losers dry. You want to fuck with the eagles, you have to learn to fly. I said, so, you teach people how to spread their wings and fly? She said, yes. I said, you're beautiful. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I pretty much agree with Jezebel's suggestions. Amanda Seyfried and Maggie G and Emily Blunt, any of those work. also saw the preview for "Julie and Julia" tonig...

So the "Star Trek" movie came out today. yup. and my world remained much the same. I'm more of a "Star Wars" girl myself, but that knowledge is thanks to a phase I went through at nine. For me, "Star Trek" is William Shatner is his glory days, Leonard Nimoy's song about a hobbit, TREKKIES and Levar Burton because everything somehow relates to Levar Burton. BUT. THIS MOVIE IS SPECIAL. DO YOU KNOW WHY? a.) Winona Ryder b.) Tyler Perry In the mean time, I will probably be watching "Sunshine Cleaning" (PREVIOUS POST ALERT- it finally is in Erie!) or "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" on DVD BECAUSE I NOW OWN IT. score. here's a song though that basically sums my opinion on this subject: I get it stuck in my head a lot. mmm hmm. better blog posts to come in the future! and follow Al on Twitter! especially if you're a money bot! who doesn't love a good money bot! - Brittany