The Useless Critic 2.0

Everyone in the damn world is concerned about Miley Cyrus. Even Smores is concerned about Miley Cyrus. what the actual fuck The latest voice of those concerned is noneother than goddess Kate Winslet. Kate can do no wrong; except name her child bear but w/e. Also: She doesn't care what you or I think . This is because Kate is a badass. Here is what Kate said in a recent interview: "You hear horror stories where you think, 'God, who's looking after these people and why does it seem like they're losing their way?'" Winslet told the magazine. "I mean, you think about someone like Miley Cyrus, and I said to my daughter the other day, 'I'm this close to opening my mouth about what's going on with that girl.' Who is actually saying [to Miley], 'Stop for a second, what do you want, who are you?'" SOURCE Now, I have a feeling Miley will lash out, like she did to Sinead. But what can she say about Kate? ...

I recently entered my squealing herd of four guinea pigs in a pageant. Yes, a pageant. Like for dogs and little girls. It may seem like crazy and a bit much, but the heart of the pageant was just to have fun. And you know what? It was a lot of fun. It was probably meant generally for little kids, but that's okay. They were the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Yes, I am responsible for those uneven blotches. Thank you very much, you judgmental dick. I will give you some background as to why this was the event that made my October. I'm sure none of it is a drastic surprise. I have been so depressed since August that it's been hard to treat myself well or act like a normal person. In truth, I have felt detached, marooned and hopeless. I have crying jags for no reason (they are getting better) and bouts of irrational rage. It's scary, because I've not been this emotionally all over the place in a long time. I have stayed up at night contemplating my worth and I...

Some of these won't apply to you, but #10 applies to us all as human beings. 10.) Nicolas Cage as Miley Cyrus in the "Wrecking Ball" video Kim sent this to me and I have no idea what to make of it. I can't stand Miley Cyrus and wish she'd disappear. However... this. This. Jesus. 9.) The new Washed Out album, "Paracosm." It's a gorgeous experience. I don't think I like it as much as "Within and Without," but I definitely am enjoying it. This is, in my opinion, the best track- "All I Know." It's like a less bombastic sequel to "Amor Fati." Ernest Greene is such a talented guy. He makes music from a genuine place, and I appreciate that. 8.) I'm writing a lot again. I'm almost done with a short story and I started this blog , which has been incredibly therapeutic  Every time I have written something, I have felt a lot calmer. Except the one entitled "Her." That one hurt.  7.) G...

Mocha got a piece of bedding in her vagina this morning. How I know is she's such a dark little guinea pig and her new bedding is white. So it looked like she had a white piece of straw hanging out of her. At first I was grossed out. I don't look at my pigs' vajajays all that often. I just happened to see it today. So after some thinking, I pulled it out. Which actually took like a MINUTE. (It was a big piece).  And as I did this, I was like "Jesus, I'm actually pulling something out of my guinea pig's genitals. This is weird ." Then I realized moms do this kind of shit all the time. Happy Mothers' Day!

"G Force" looks surprisingly....good! Will Arnett, Zach G, the voices of Tracy Morgan and Penelope Cruz. I mean, if it's at the dollar theater someday and I'm bored enough, I MIGHT just go see it. plus who doesn't love guinea pigs! (I had a dream about "30 Rock" in which the roles of Alec Baldwin and Tina Fey were reversed. that being, Tina Fey was Jack Donaghy and Alec Baldwin was Liz Lemon). "Orphan" looks HILARIOUS. "The Ugly Truth" gets my vote as the dumbest film of the summer. plus I can't think of a more unappealing couple. Gerard Butler, in this movie, is the on-screen equivalent of a sweatsock. still no "500 Days of Summer." :( ...I don't think we're getting this? yet Harrisburg, of all ungodly places! bah. and because the movie selection for this weekend is less than pleasant, you may want to participate in the various events going on. Highland Days in Edinboro, Discover Presque Isle in Erie. me? not re...