The Useless Critic 2.0

I got Facebook back in 2006. There are few pictures on Facebook in 2006. What they had to give me were celebrity pictures my friends and I apprehended for giggles (teeheehee.) Oh, and one memorable librarian (which got my 18-year-old self in trouble, lolz.) My Facebook movie was cute. Most of the updates were from the past year ("Hey everyone, I'm not dead!" "YAY, YOU'RE NOT DEAD!") I couldn't help but be a LITTLE disappointed. So, summoning my inner Peter Jackson, here is what that movie should have been like: 2006: Break up with Scarlett Johansson Years later, in interview after stepping down as the Oxfam ambassador: "You know, sometimes I wonder about the poor decisions I've made. And I haven't made a lot because I'm nearly perfect, but like marrying Ryan Reynolds letting Britt get away was just a big mistake. I cry about it a lot." (like) 2007: Break stuff with Britney Spears Britney said: "Bri...

I have always adored the Oscars, because I love celebrities and I love good movies. I'm also vapid. Love me, hate me. So, as goes without even introducing anymore, here comes your Useless Critic utterly useless thoughts on the nominations, which were announced today . I don't think any of the Best Picture nominations were surprises. And I'm pretty glad they've kept the category so large. It allows more room for interesting picks (read: abandon hope NOW.) "Nebraska" has been getting a TON of buzz, arguably the most "dark horse" of all candidates. And let's face it: This race is going to come down to "American Hustle" vs. "Gravity." Seriously: Where have I been? I was a bit disappointed about several things though, none of them being Jennifer Lawrence's cleavage.  Ahem. Where was I? 1.) "Before Midnight" only getting ONE  nomination. There is so much to love about t...

Summary: I love JGL, I love ScarJo. I don't understand porn. That being said, this looks amazing. See also - Tony "Angels In the Outfield" Danza, Julianne "Cougar" Moore. See here- It comes out this fall. I am excited! I wish it was sooner though. Oh and I guess I'm back. 

I really do like them so much.  So I know on Facebook several days ago I said I'd review the album then a thousand times. I did not. Weekdays - I have no energy and my only time to write is the window before I go to work in the morning. Even this is getting increasingly harder. Perhaps I'm just getting old- I will be 25 in a month-ish.  Let me reprimand that now, my loyal legion of Russian spambot friends. Merry St. Eastervas (p.s. "Zombie Jesus Day"  makes no sense, but we won't even start discussing that).  "The 20/20 Experience" was the first Justin Timberlake album I was legitimately excited for. Really. I became a fan in 2007, although I always liked "Rock Your Body," weird music video and all. It was the song "What Goes Around" that really enamored me with JT. I was really bitter and depressed at the time and I recall listening to the song on repeat while I walked around the Edinboro campus, coming up with reasons t...

I've posted about Alfred Hitchcock several times in the past. I'm sure he's probably my favorite dictator and this is the best time of year for his movies.   "The Birds," "Vertigo," "Psycho." Classics!  Well, it has come to my attention two films about his life, one in HBO and one in theaters, are about to be released. I'm quite excited:  the theater one, "Hitchcock," stars A-listers Helen Mirren, Anthony Hopkins and Scarlett Johansson.  When "Psycho" was released, popular opinion said it'd be a flop. Well, it obviously wasn't. HOWEVER, perhaps I am more interested in the HBO one, weirdly (I say weirdly because I'm not the world's biggest Sienna Miller fan...really, I'm more interested in a pile of wood chips) called "The Girl" regarding the ever-so-awesome Tippi Hedren (who didn't have much of a career, but helped develop Vietnamese nail salons in America. Read about it.)...

I remember a long time ago there was a feature like this, but whatever this is MY TAKE on it.  so Men's Health has come and said that Jennifer Aniston is the hottest woman of all time (OF ALL TIME, so says Kanye). Nothing against Jenny, but WHAT. and this is the result of a poll! A poll! So multiple braindead men had a say in it!  BUT WHAT IF IT WAS MY POLL, IMAGINED FROM MY BEDROOM WHEN I'M HALF-ASLEEP? Angelina Jolie and Marilyn Monroe are hot, sure. I'm not arguing. but who else... GWEN STEFANI this girl is always so hot. she would melt THE SUN if that was possible. SERIOUSLY. please reconsider your sexuality now if you like men. who else? hmm.... this is Marion Cotillard. now I'm not a very sexual person but I would destroy her. I am just saying. I don't care. judge me. it'd be like if a diabetic wanted to commit suicide and went to a bakery. Mila, obviously. I don't need to say much more. she knows that I want to interview ...

- Miley Cyrus is hosting Saturday Night Live with the Strokes. This both hot on the heels of the Strokes' comeback-thing and Billy Ray basically saying "my daughter is two BOOMS I'M WINNING away from becoming LiLo." I have a theory about Miley: now that she is legal she is appearing with everyone she wants to sleep with. yes/no - The Strokes new stuff: AWESOME . I'm excited! - when do you think the Charlie Sheen jokes are going to get old? my guess: tomorrow. - because the Chuck Norris jokes haven't been funny since high school. - Anoraak released "Crazy Eyes" officially as a single yesterday. have you not been listening to Anoraak? I am ashamed, this boy is crazy talented: - does anyone know anything about the new Fiona Apple album? she never responds to my tweets. I was going to send her record label a watermelon to reenact "Save Fiona Apple Day" ... but my psyche got the best of me. - every single movie coming out in the near future l...

I haven't been posting much lately because I've been prepping for my LAST SET OF FINALS AS AN UNDERGRADUATE EVER and working on my thesis and probably meaningless shit like that, yeah. so my motivation has been drained. never fear! in the next week, you'll probably be sick of me. fair warning. I remember arriving at Edinboro as a freshman back in 2006 and immediately hating the place. hating, hating, hating. loathing doesn't seem strong enough. I even calculated the days until graduation- a 1000-something odd number I wrote down somewhere (which I obviously kept so safe). "Brittany, stop complaining," some dumb bitch I don't talk to anymore told me. "Enjoy it." Well (this is addressed to you, dumb bitch), I didn't enjoy it until the past year and a half. which in- I fell in with an amazing group of people, absolutely lovely (if not just as bitchy as I am, which is wonderful) who I will really, really miss. which perplexes me. because, in the ...

AT THE SAME TIME WITH A BOX OF CORNFLAKES (remember folks: these kids' album, inspired by Gainsbourg - Bardot, Break Up will be released SEPTEMBER 15TH)

oops, gaffe! Pete Yorn and ScarJo = Serge X Brigitte. I don't really like Brigitte; she kind of scares me. but still STUPID STUPID STUPID (if anything I hear sort of a Nancy and Lee vibe here) I'm getting kind of obscenely excited for this album. Alice, you read this. let me write a review of it in September? I promise not to build ScarJo up to much and emphasize the fact she is married to Ryan Reynolds as much as possible. this weekend is the ERIE SUMMER FESTIVAL OF THE ARTS. Donnie Iris plays Saturday night. my dad loves Donny Iris so I hope he goes. he's like the Bruce Springsteen of Pittsburgh (D.I. not my dad, although I am friends with one of the band members' mothers). I don't know why you should not go this; me I am lazy and transport-less. no more free bus fare for me. :( -------------------------------------------- The Dead Weather is pretty much the best idea ever. ever. Jack White? messianic figure. so far I like them a 10000000000000000000x better than ...

http://www.myspace.com/scarlettalbum who knew this was going on???? NOT ME I feel like they plotted this behind my back. assholes. - Brittany p.s. UNHAPPY BDAY MOZ. I appreciated you more as an angsty adolescent more than an angsty young adult. go figure! CUE RYAN ADAMS CONVERSATION WITH DAVID RAWLINGS