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Showing posts from November, 2010

more news items

- NASA apparently is giving a news conference about "extraterrestial life" AKA ALIENS soon. - happy Jewish Christmas! - my all time favorite band No Doubt is gearing up to be the first band the Los Angeles Symphony is going to do music compositions of or something like that. No Doubt, orchestra music? what was that sound? me, coming, for the first time in a year? BRB in a few days I will tally the results from the poetry contest and someone is going to get to deflower me or Willow Smith or the both of us at the same time. or a toaster oven, which is a reasonable compromise. in the mean time: YES

jessica i took this from your tumblr

Important Things in the Media

So I logged onto youtube the other day, and I got Youtube suggests... The Miss America Swimsuit Competition ....because you watched "Modern Day Slaves: A documentary from Niger." Awkward* Then yesterday, I caught a plug for that movie "Burlesque" on CNN, and the bottom line read "...starring Christina Agulaira and Cheer." If you are going to misspell Cher; at least; do it like this "C H O D E." Also; I started watching Sudanese television. I do not understand a word, and I only watch the music. And it is horrible. I love world music; but Sudanese music blows. It blows like Katrina* So that is my latest encounter with the media. And if all goes to plan; spotlight will return this Wed. QATFYG: Are you excited for Spotlight coming back? Does youtube suggest weird videos to you? Will you see "Burlesque?" And who wants to visit the Sudan with me?

Going Muslim on the Cheap

Hi, I was at the Half Price Books today and I subsequently went Muslim on the cheap. I bought three items. I bought Madonna's The Immaculate Collection because it features LIKE A PRAYER, et cetera. I purchased Morrissey's Bona Drag because it features EVERY DAYI S LIKE SUNDAY. I also bought this: All three were a dollar. I also got Technical Ecstasy on vinyl but that's neither here nor there. Now you might be asking yourself several questions. I have foreseen this and I've decided to answer in video format for maximum clarity.

comfort movies (you know you have them)

because this time of year I always end up watching movies I've seen 3000 times. it's comforting I guess. but over the summer I am not as tempted to watch these films as I am in the holiday season. maybe it's the cold? feel free to contribute your own to this list. we should make it GINORMOUS and I'm sure I'm leaving some out anyway. I'm still in a daze because of the snow. somewhere, the angels are doing cocaine. Elf I watch this because of Zooey Deschanel. she stole my heart in this film. and it's so hokey but I have yet to get sick of it and I don't know what that says about me. watch her here ! Love Actually Whilst reading the Taylor Swift-dedicated issue of US Weekly yesterday, Wenli and I discovered the three of us all love this movie. but who doesn't omg. I don't think I haven't met a girl who hasn't aped over this film at some point and help me baby Jesus but I will watch it every time it comes on. The Family Stone I feel like this

black friday

did you go shopping today, Anne Hathaway? were you one of the crazies that camped outside Best Buy in the snow? because I sure as hell did not. this day frightens me. does Love and Other Drugs not look halfway horrible? HERE IS LIL' KIM TO BRING THINGS FULL CIRCLE oh shit! she's dissing Nicki Minaj. UH OH well, who went to jail and who didn't, Kim.

i am watching avatar right now

So this was a really big deal over the winter. random Swedish girl: this is the best movie ever me: omg okay you are Scandinavian so obviously whatever you say I will take in as fact random Swedish girl: okay random Swedish girl: I saw this THREE times in the theater me: I just watched the trailer and it looks like it's about ugly amphibians and I don't think I want to watch a movie about ugly amphibians. random Swedish girl: *stops talking to me* I am pretty fucking sure I have no idea what is going on. omg is Tommy Lee Jones in this or am I hallucinating? JESUS, IS THAT YOU


Why I am thankful, by Brittany K: - I am a privileged white person. - I get to eat turkey and I prefer turkey to beef. - I have work off. - We did not obey the Indian treaties so I am not writing you from Navajo-land. every time I drive by the Indian reservation, I see these signs that are like HOMELAND SECURITY 1492 WILL NOT PAY STATE TAXES. it took me a long time to figure out what these meant. fuck you Columbus! oh the whole immigration debate seems funny from this weird historical perspective. anyway! - Robyn decided to do a show in Cleveland on February 7 th . I am thinking I will just buy a ticket and throw myself at her tour bus and be like WHYYYYY WE DROVE FOUR HOURS FOR YOU INTO ANOTHER COUNTRY THEN YOU COME TO CLEVELANDDDDD - New Kids on the Block and Backstreet Boys are touring together. I wish I could say that at some point in my life I liked them but I didn't. - I am VERY thankful for Taylor Swift's new hair. holy shit that girl looks good! I am getting a normal h

A Lesson in Government: FOR KIDS

The Federal Government Wants to See Your Dick. See Dick Run. The Federal Government Wants To Touch Your Dick. See Dick Run. The Federal Government Wants You to Look at Pictures of Corpses, Rotting Teeth and Diseased Organs. See Jane Play. The Federal Government Wants You on a List so that You Can Be Conscripted into the Military. Unless You're Gay. See Sally Videochat with Her Parents in Waziristan.

Happy Early Birthday Miley

So first of all it will be hard to top the post that Britt did yesterday. Tomorrow (The 23rd of November) is Miley Cyrus' Birthday, and she will be turning 18. This is one of my favorite Holidays. But in Algeria, since the celebration of El Aid Kabir is so close together, we combined our celebrations. A typical celebration of Miley's Birthday includes eating lots of Chinese Food and getting loaded on Cake Batter Ice Cream from Coldstone Creamery. This one is a little different. I had a really great video to show the world, but the computers here are not compatible for it. So here is this low quality video of an Algerian celebration of Miley's Birthday where we eat lamb's eyes. This is my early Birthday present to Miley. Lambs eyes taste fine. They are not something I would eat on a regular basis, but they are not horrible at all. QATFYG: How will you celebrate Miley's Birthday.

how i imagine

SARAH PALIN'S ALASKA by Henrik Ibsen Sarah: Hi y'all! Welcome to the 50 th state! Alaaaaaaska , which I have called home since I crawled up here from somewhere in the American Northwest and which has been the property of the United States since we bought it from the Ruskies for a Big Mac. * Powerpoint presentation of Alaska ensues* Sarah: I'm Sarah Palin and I should be vice president! Look at my fleece coat! I bought this at LL Bean with some of your tax money! Then I bought a Big Mac, but it was made of wolves. ho ho ho Sarah: Let's take a look at my house! Come on! *leads around her mansion, which apparently overlooks Moscow* Sarah: *pointing at a water bed* And that's where the magic happens. Or Trig, in my case. ho ho ho! *Todd drives up on a snowmobile* Todd: Hey baby, I just got back from seal hunting and reading the constitution. Sarah: I love that LL Bean fleece you're wearing. Todd: Thanks. *they make out (imagine THIS )* Sarah: Well, see here f

Time for some more Creepy Videos

I am bringing up some old news. So I posted this video on Twitter once, declaring it was the "Creepiest Video on Youtube." But some other site took my Tweet, and decided to label it under my name. Nader Bouberhan's Video! I hope the five people that went to that site, did not think I was the one who made it. So, the reason I bring this up is because I am going to post a video today *hopefully* and I think it may top this one as the creepiest video on Youtube. I might not be able to post because the internet here in Algeria is awful. Also, I am really hyper. Why am I so hyper? Because i am finally back on a somewhat decent server, and I have the afternoon open to post. Good times. Good times. QATFYG: Have you ever made a creepy video? (If no, why not?)

"Bigger Than Us"- White Lies

It sounds like they've grown up a little. It also doesn't sound like they've done that much differently. meh. I am hoping to see them in Toronto in January with Asobi Seksu. basically they are going EVERYWHERE rating: B, I can't give it much more or much less.

the appeal of girl talk

I remember reading in one review that Girl Talk basically makes music for drunk sorority girls to dance to. which I feel is true and has perhaps forever tainted my view of Girl Talk, because I just see these sweat/beer-covered sorority girls with their arms up at some kegger in Anywhere, USA. " OMG STACEY I JUST CAME OUT TONIGHT SO I CAN SO I CAN DANCE, YOU KNOW?" in about 12 hours, these girls will have embarked the walk of shame back to their dormitories, where they will order Chinese and contemplate their beautiful hangovers. which Gregg Gillis is indirectly responsible for. and probably a lot of date-rapes. you evil, evil man. (thank you) Pittsburgh has been redeemed for me by this genius. I know he's sort of one trick pony, but the shit he is doing is fun and enjoyable and at least you kind of know what to expect at this point. plus there will always be new songs to disembow and turn into Frankensteins of pop culture. and at least what he'

a very bad book review

I think All He Ever Wanted was not my first encounter with Miss Shreve . I think, back in the day (as in two months ago) I picked up another book by her and was bored to the point of near-tears. I was like why the cock am I reading this shit? I have never read anything by Hunter S. Thompson. I've only read paragraphs by Edith Wharton and I've realized I don't like her. I don't like most writers from the 1800s. I can't stand that period literature omg . give me Austen over that anyday . like, Henry James? OH MY GOD RIP MY EYEBALLS OUT THAN READ THAT SHIT. All He Ever Wanted was written a few years ago but it's set in the late 1800s/early 1900s. not really though. the dude is on a train going to his sister's funeral reflecting on his fucked up marriage with some bitch named Erma or Etna or Edna or Sue or Shaniqua or something like that. she might not even had a name. it might have just been "Vagina With Legs." They met in this hotel fire when he s

sexiest men in the world

Ryan Reynolds got the honor aka Mr. ScarJo. we all know in the past it's been George and Brad and Johnny. I, however, would have EASILY picked Matt Berninger, Sufjan Stevens or Andrew Bird. I like my men for their musical talent, mostly. and inability to shave.

rainer maria rilke (like a g6)

Rilke kept silence as a poet for twelve years before writing Duino Elegies and Sonnets to Orpheus, which are concerned with 'the identity of terror and bliss' and 'the oneness of life and death'. Duino Elegies was born in two bursts of inspiration separated by ten years. In 1910-1912 Rilke was for some time the guest of Princess Marie von Thurn und Taxis-Hohenlohe at Duino, her castle near Trieste. According to a story, Rilke heard in the wind the first lines of his elegies when he was walking on the rocks above the sea - "Who, if I cried out, would hear me among the angels' / hierarchies?" In 1913 Rilke returned to Paris but he was forced to return to Germany because of the First World War. Duino Castle was bombarded to ruins and Rilke's personal property was confiscated in France. He served in the Austrian army and found another patron, Werner Reinhart, who owned the Castle Muzot at Valais. After 1919 he lived in Switzerland, where he died on Decembe

Scottie Moorhead

Ah, Jeff Buckley. Light of my life, fire of my loins, the tear that hangs inside my soul forever, etc etc. He would have been 44 years old today (er, since I'm posting this late, it might be "yesterday" depending on when you read this) if he was still alive. Forty-four!!! That's insane. And as an insane Buckley fan, oftentimes I wonder what he'd be like if he was still with us today. Would he wear flannel a lot? Would he still be with Joan Wasser (aka an amazing fucking musician - I should post about her)? What would he think of Kesha, Kanye, social networking sites (he would have hated them all I'm sure, although he probably would have a soft spot for Yesus)? How many albums would he have put out by now? Would he still wear those ill-fated black steel toe boots that aided in his death in Tennessee all those years ago? I don't know, but he sure does have an affect on people, including me. I've been a major fan of his for years , yet I still cry while w


KATE AND WILLS! KATE AND WILLS! I doubt anyone would believe me, but I did not name my child after Prince William. I named him after MANY PRINCE WILLIAMS. and OMG they referred to Kate as 'the future Queen Catherine' and I ALMOST SHIT MYSELF. QUEEN CATHERINE! AHHH!! Do you know about Queen Catherines! Well okay, they don't have a very good track record as far as Tudor England goes BUT WE WILL HAVE A QUEEN CATHERINE OF OUR OWN! (She's more of a Katherine Parr than a Katherine of Aragon or Catherine Howard, though.) I couldn't figure out who she looks like but upon doing a google image search, she actually resembles Lauren Conrad. But like, a hotter, substantial, intelligent LC. Sorry LC - U DUMB. I love royals, it's so sad, sad, sad. I could get into it but I won't. TAKE MEDIEVAL EUROPE WITH DR. SPILLER AND YOU WILL UNDERSTAND. and wowwww people are pissed about Brandy being voted off DWTS and PalinBristol staying. MY FATHER INCLUDED. ('I AM

reasons to see upcoming movies

BLACK SWAN: - Natalie Portman - Mila Kunis - two above making out - WINONA RYDER IS IN IT - Barbara Hershey?!?!?!?! - WINONA RYDER IS IN A MOVIE LIKE, A REAL MOVIE BURLESQUE - CHER - FUCKING CHER - what do you think she sleeps in? the fat of baby virgins? - Christina - "hey, I'm just nothing....OH LET ME SING BENERNERELRLEKRE!" "Whoa, what?" - Flashdance but with Cher - seriously where the hell has Cher been hiding!

what just happened

MERE MOMENTS AGO me: MOM GET UP mom: I'm sleeping go away me: MOM BIG NEWS mom: what (I only wake up my mom when people die) me: PRINCE WILLIAM IS ENGAGED mom: WHO CARES CONGRATULATIONS TO THE LUCKY COUPLE


hello strangers and visitors! i am writing like a kid agian because justin bieber is a kid . i am doing a report for school and i need to know if u liek bieber... if u dont no who bieber is here is a picture of bieber thta is a is a picture of justin bieber. now i need to no if u like him cause we have to make survay (sp???) and graph them for math class... my teacher miss pawlenty was like if u dont have this u r gonna be gettin a phone call to my parents bc i missed like 3o r 4 of these tests already.... here are his traxxxx! i should of had more tracks but u got to tell me do u like him bc i am trying to get a good grade DO YOU LIKE JUSTINBIEBER? YES NO free polls this is worth like a couple hundred perecents of my grade so really if u would feel it out it would help me a lot thanks! i posted this on my live journal but my friend malorie (bitch!!!! haha jk!!!) told me we had to haev it so ppl other than our freinds to answer the question so plz answer my qs :)


so in case you didn't realize Christmas isn't that far away or something. celebrate with Useless Critic friend, Sofia Talvik ( we totally have friends I didn't make them up). well I know Thanksgiving hasn't even happened yet, but hey. it's never too early! also, the new Girl Talk. YOUR THOUGHTS IMMEDIATELY. <3

poetry contest

hey want to write a haiku or villanelle about YOUR FIRST TIME? so do I. ... anyway SUBMIT ONE BY DECEMBER 1ST. we will post them and there will be prizes. probably my virginity. GET READY

doesn't this look like a lot of fun

and is releasing new material in early 2011 and is going to be in Pittsburgh in February and sings about basketballs and, well, pandas: I am not a huge fan, but I would see them live because I think it would be a lot of fun. I used to hate Deerhoof but it was only because always insisted on making me listen to them. and I'd come back from class and be like FUCK YOU LAST.FM I CAN'T LISTEN TO DEERHOOF TODAY

Happy Birthday, Neil Young!

I'm not sure where the rest / better portion of the Useless Critic stands on Shakey, but the dude is a fucking legend. It blows my mind that he started out fifty years ago playing in a short-lived funk band with Rick James, and went on to release a laundry list of wonderful albums with Buffalo Springfield, with Crazy Horse, with CSNY, with The Blue Notes, just himself with an acoustic guitar; playing blues, playing folk, playing rock, playing piano, playing vocoder-driven art deco bizarre synth-futurism. Okay, maybe that was only on Trans . You really can't go wrong checking out any of his work if you haven't, and I suggest starting with the song above. Here's to fifty more years of stellar musicianship.

edna edna edna edna

So I don't know if Al is doing spotlight anymore, but I am doing my poetry thing, so here it goes. I am currently reading Savage Beauty , the biography of Edna St. Vincent Millay, celebrated early 20 th century American poet, Vassar grad and idol of Cara (hi). I first became aware of this book when we were flying either to or from Phoenix and I stole it from Cara while she slept and read like half a chapter. What an interesting, colorful life this woman left! And the biographer previously wrote about crazy bitch/ pre -Courtney Love Zelda Fitzgerald, so you know she has experience in this area. RIP Zelda. I found it again last week on one of my trips to the library and now am reading it and it is huge and also interesting. But it's really big. Like dictionary big. This woman was so big during her lifetime she used to give regular radio readings of her work on a weekly basis. People used to crowd to see her speak. She was a role model for young women, seriously. Can you imagine

thoughts on hearing the new robyn

"Stars 4 Ever" is easily the best. it sounds like all the other Body Talks , to be honest. but that's a good thing! I don't know what I am going to ask Robyn when I sneak pass security and accost her in her dressing room. maybe she will be in my dreams tonight like Inception and we'll make a connection. I'm on an Inception kick lately. really it's just a Marion Cotillard kick, but I am not that shallow. right? ... YOU AND ME TOGETHER go click on that hype machine link on the side of the page. see it? yes. go. click click click.


I love this . best part of whole article: And the video for Katy Perry’s new single, “Firework,” a song from her album “Teenage Dream,” features a scene in which two boys passionately kiss as pyrotechnics burst from the singer’s bust.


I am currently devouring THE HISTORY OF LOVE by Nicole Krauss. She's married to Jonathan Safran Foer, another amazing modern (most of the writers I like are dead people). I can't recommend to you this book enough. there seems to a lot of Jewish identity literature out there right now, but it's all remarkable. and heartbreaking and beautiful and human etc. things I look for in a novel. funny, too. the movie is coming out in early 2011, so get on that shit, friend. also, Ms. Krauss just put out Great House not too long ago. have you read that yet? what are you reading, anyway? SMUT? their writing styles are similar. so I have this fantasy of these two married writers giving each other feedback and proofreading and etc. I bet they sit in bed after sex and read each other's scenes and are like "DARLING, THIS ADJECTIVE SHOULD GO THERE." ah! Dunkin Donuts opens on November 23rd. Harry Potter comes out soon and Wenli is dragging me to see it (wish you could come, Eu

I am a fraud.

I pretend to love football, but really I love tight butts in spandex. let me set up a situation for you: dad: man, the colts suck. now, at this point, I would agree with him by nodding my head but not saying anything. because what the hell does someone say to that? bryce: yeah. they've been having a lot of injury problems. OHHHH the difference between a real sports fan and a real fraud (me). anyway I downloaded wicked, les miserables, ragtime, no doubt and rilo kiley in the past two or less weeks. Can I brag about downloading Inception almost a month before it comes out on DVD and blu-ray? I'm afraid the FBI is going to come to my house. Also, do you guys watch Law and Order: SVU? Because I started doing this about a month ago and I'm completely addicted and also paranoid now that everyone is a rapist/pervert. Mariska is hot and so is Christopher Meloni. There are lots of special guests (AMANDA SEYFRIEND, SEASON SIX!) and solid plot every single fucking time. (On the

Ke$ha Releases Song that Sucks

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but this is the title song from her new album? Damn, this sucks. This is worse than "Stephen." Krittany thinks she was rushed. God, I hope so. I hope Dr. Luke was behind her with a hacksaw saying, "step on the gas or your next TV appearance is going to be as a prop on Bones." Otherwise we are fucked. Otherwise I'm going to have to revisit the Katy Perry album. QD &2T/F: Do you like it? What do you think? I'm listening to Christina Milian .


This would be a more convincing headline if it weren't appropriate in every Sheenario. Observe. Charlie Sheen can never go too far. Photo: People Magazine

No More Iranian Pistachios D:

So it is official, I saw this on Aljazeera there is now a ban on Iranian Pistachios. The USA is now longer going to import any pistachios from Iran. I am sad, well not really I just thought it was a lame response. Iran: building nuclear bombs. USA: okay, we will no longer buy your nuts. PS I just saw an Algerian girl that looked like Selena Gomez. Good day. QATFYG: Would you eat nuts with Selena Gomez?

Chrisette Michele Drops Mixtape

Until now I knew Chrisette Michele as the pretty backing vocal on Nas's Hip Hop is Dead . Evidently you might also know her as the pretty voice from some Jay-Z and Game tracks. I just started listening to this tape and I'm getting a good feeling so far. Her voice is still pretty. She's as jazz-conscious as Janelle Monae without any of that outer space bullshit. I am probably going to fall asleep listening to this but I promise (lol, that means I'll never do it) to do a proper write-up of this tape at a later date. I am not really feeling the mixtape art so above you'll find attached an imagine of Chrisette. Google Images reveals that she may have been a bit chubby at different stages in her career. I assure you it is I-want-to-squeeze-every-inch-of-her chubby. I'm being real with you guys right now. Here is a YouTube. I have embedded it within the hypertext markup using the automatically-generated lines of code rather than my own savvy. I'm deflecting. Link

"MANIAC"- Kid Cudi (Cage, St. Vincent)

Kanye West's favorite rapper is insane, I think. but in a good way! I mean, watch him in this video- he just looks creepy. BUT IN AN AMAZINGLY MESMERIZING WAY I'm pretty excited for the Mr. Rager album. this guy- he knows what he is doing. besides not just featuring <3 St. Vincent <3, it also features underground "horrorcore" rapper Cage. shit, can anything be made a genre by adding core at the end? Claudette Colbert-core? igloo-core? phone sex-core? the future is endless. this song is fairly haunting. Even Stevens is directing the video. 21141319 Uploaded by yardie4lifever2 . - Explore international webcam videos. oh, I was going to do the new Crystal Castles song with Robert Smith of the Cure, but you know what that sounds like. The Cure meets Crystal Castles. good stuff, anyway. rating: A (I know, I know) the Roots are playing in the background. Jimmy's in house band. man I wish I had an in house band. it would be the Bangles. DARKER, GIVE ME A MARKER. p
I am not trying to post randoms all the time (I WILL BEAT THE HYPE MACHINE) but seriously listen to this. This is the hardest beat. EDIT Bout to just five-up this.

dylan thomas

you didn't think I'd forget this week! POPPYCOCK! today we celebrate prolific Welsh poet Dylan Thomas, who died in 1953 and is best remembered for often-used-at-funerals-and-such poem "Do Not Go Gently Into that Good Night." Well I don't want to be a cliche! here: When the morning was waking over the war He put on his clothes and stepped out and he died, The locks yawned loose and a blast blew them wide, He dropped where he loved on the burst pavement stone And the funeral grains of the slaughtered floor. Tell his street on its back he stopped a sun And the craters of his eyes grew springshots and fire When all the keys shot from the locks, and rang. Dig no more for the chains of his grey-haired heart. The heavenly ambulance drawn by a wound Assembling waits for the spade's ring on the cage. O keep his bones away from the common cart, The morning is flying on the wings of his age And a hundred storks perch on the sun's right hand. question: WILL YOU READ

Did you know you can watch day-old episodes of the Young and the Restless and the Bold and the Beautiful on

Yes the fuck you can. Without commercials. You can also watch them in Spanish, if you can make heads or tales out of the gobbledygook. You can probably also watch The Talk and The Price is Right and some of that other shit. I'm still boycotting that Taylor Swift CD. The Democrats and Republicans are lame. The Transatlantic Cable was a hoax.

Spotlight/Shoutout: Cuba Gooding Jr.

I never got to see Shadowboxer - but this pic of Cuba Gooding says it all. He can be a badass and work alongside Helen Mirren. Of course, he is an Oscar winner, but he wins the snacktacular s/s today because he is Cuba Gooding Jr: The Forgotten Badass of Planet Earth. And yes; snacktacular is a Simpsons reference. QATFYG: Did you ever see Boat Trip ?


Well, Kathy Dahlkemper, did you? Lily Allen had a miscarriage. Amy Winehouse has a new song out. Amy Winehouse still lives? good for her. p.s. they found Marjorie GUILTY. oh, the humanity!


Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night, And I go back to December.... ALL THE TIME (my jam) Once in a life you buy a CD...and it turns out to be kismet. Or you simply buy a CD, which no one ever does anymore, and that in itself is a big deal. So there I stood at Starbucks, somewhat out-of-step on my lunch break. barista stares at me. " Americano ?" NOD. "Tall?" NOD. (I am a regular, stfu ) "Anything else?" I see Taylor and her poofy purple dress staring at me from the counter. it's tempting. Taylor, courtesy of Cara and Alice way back when, has grown on me. My mom is also a fan. I grab the CD. "This too." The barista continues to stare me down as if she is judging me. So woooot . I could have bought that stinky Katy Perry album instead! BITCH, I AM THE REASON YOU HAVE WORK. WORSHIP ME. The last CD I bought was Charlotte Gainsbourg's IRM in February. I have actually bought all of her albums. this is because a sma