The Useless Critic 2.0

why are they making out in a cornfield  So Anne Hathaway got married this weekend and no I was NOT invited. We went out one time in 2008 and I knew after that we'd never be friends again. We were at Denny's, and I won't say much more then  it ended in vomit and "WHY DON'T YOU GO BACK TO THE DISEASED VAGINA YOU CRAWLED OUT OF!"  I thought about driving a motorcycle to the wedding and watching from across the street, but. No.  Highlights: - it was a traditional Jewish ceremony - it was in Henry Miller's Big Sur - she lived with her Adam in Brooklyn for a year. that is love y'all. - no word if Natalie Portman was there but boy I sure hope so.  CONGRATULATIONS ANNE AND ADAM

Oh it's back. Like Backstreet back. I now present to you, that life has calmed down some, the THIRD moment. I will have this all fleshed out before this weekend ends, this I promise to you. #3 on the Pop Culture Countdown of Moments That Were/Are of No Significance To You-  All Trainwrecks  Right? Right?! Perhaps in the past we haven't had to endure- as a public- more trainwrecks than ever in history. I'm sure Cleopatra wasn't a trainwreck. Catherine the Great, Abraham Lincoln, Marilyn Monroe. But then...well, TV happened. And civilization ended: Pop culture has been complete with trainwrecks to observe, in their tragic trajectories, should we list them all it'd take a hella (quoth Gwen) long time to do. But let's have a gander, anyway! The Courtney Love The Lose Hope Now The Scary The Lost Causes The Tragic The Political The I Just Wanted an Excuse to Post This Picture Pete Doherty ME wait...

Let me start by explaining that I am not an Oprah fanatic.  I have watched her show maybe three times in my life—mostly as a way to spend time with my grandmother—and while I liked The Oprah Winfrey Show well enough, it was never something I made an effort to watch.  (I have been reading her magazine and LOVING IT and basing my life around it since I was 12 years old, but that’s an entirely different story.) Make no mistake, I think she is awesome.  It just feels weird to say that when I’ve hardly ever heard her voice. Anyway, there’s no escaping Oprah, and I think that the end of her 25 years on TV is significant for most people, whether they watch her or not.  Oprah kind of represents the American dream.  She is the quintessential rags to riches—and I’m not even being totally metaphorical, because she’s, what, the richest woman in the world? You’ve probably seen parts of what’s been happening on Oprah in the last week.  Surprises, celebr...

Ah. Okay. So apparently Saturday Night Live 's Fred Armisen is now dating his fellow SNL co-star Abby Elliott . Abby is 23 and the daughter of SNL alum Chris Elliott. Fred is 43 and...is still technically married to Mad Men 's Elisabeth Moss . Wat. Fred and Elisabeth met on the set of SNL when Moss' Mad Men co-star Jon Hamm first hosted in October of 2008. They got engaged two months later and married last October. News reports say Armisen and Moss first split up in May, although the news of them breaking out hit recently just as the news of him dating Elliott came about. I specifically remember watching pre-show of the Golden Globes back in January and a host asking Elisabeth Moss why she became engaged and married so soon after meeting Fred, and her response, cheeks blushing, smile a-glow, was "Sometimes, you just know, you know?" I wonder what she knew? Because here's something my lovely friend Hannah and I knew back in June. We knew of Fred and Abby befo...

Ever want to have Paris Hilton pump your gas? And just as it implies? Not some weird sexual metaphor? Me too! CBS has this reality series, I Get That A Lot , which I'm quite curious on seeing. It places celebrities i.e. Paris Hilton and Snoop Dogg in everyday situations- working menial jobs, where you'd never guess to see them- and films people's reactions to it. I think it's kind of genius. The first episode showed the world the Subway guy, Jared, actually working at a Subway. TOO MUCH, TOO MUCH. Jessica Simpson works as a computer technician here: According to the wise folks at Wikipedia: The second episode airs on CBS January 6, 2010 at 8:00 PM. Participants include KISS guitarist Gene Simmons working as a psychic guru, socialite Paris Hilton working as a gas station attendant, Big Brother and The Early Show host Julie Chen working at a yogurt shop, skater Tony Hawk working at a surf shop, hip-hop artist Snoop Dogg taking on the role as a parking lot attendant, and c...