The Useless Critic 2.0

So as one countdown ends, another begins. And thus this week I will be unveiling "My Top Ten Pop Culture Moments That Were of No Significance To You." I hope it will be a wonderful traipse down memory lane for us pop culture junkies; I will even hold your hand! Thus, consider this following post a taste of what to expect. Johnny Depp Seperates From "Life Partner" Vanessa Paradis; Was Apparently Getting a Lot of Poon In the Meantime Fangirls internationally rejoiced at this news, I'd assume. For me I've typically thought Johnny was a pretty stand-up guy. I mean, he's got a solid acting career, he seems decent and his relationship with the gorgeous and talented Miss Paradis lasted some 14 years. I always thought that was impressive, y'know? Except I can't go apeshit for him like some people I know, which includes my thirteen-year-old cousin, who the last I knew had just discovered the Pirates series and was subsequently enthralled. However...

For the record, you should be seeing a blender down here. edit:  never mind. do you want to see Dark Shadows ? Because I can't make up my mind about it. Part of it looks gleefully campy; the other part...just kind of dense. Watch and decide and ask yourself if this is some perversion to the Edward Scissorhands legacy: I mean, I know humor. Schindler's List, Airplane!- these names all come to mind. Anyway, rather see the Avengers . Have YOU seen it? oh shut up everyone else in the universe has.

I'm just really surprised by how harsh Johnny Depp looks. Natalie Portman, though, is beautiful. rating:   A-...it has the sound of an old standard. some of the lyrics are pretty blah, but overall it's a pleasant tune. 

I guess Charlotte Gainsbourg is "back." But she never really left to begin with? How could she? Melancholia and Antichrist  kept her well in the public eye, informing us of her a.) natural threat to penises (peni?) and b.) her close kinship with KIRSTEN DUNST.  Regardless, Stage Whisper  was released last month- following the success of 2010's IRM , produced by OUR LORD AND SAVIOR Beck Hansen- with relatively little new material, mostly a live album of sorts with a few new songs thrown in. See: "Paradisco" "Anna"  <-- my favorite "White Telephone" <-- haunting!  Whereas IRM  was decorated with feelings of paranoia and wistfulness, something about Stage Whisper  feels slightly more playful, whereas still very wistful! "Paradisco"- sort of a follow-up to "Trick Pony" is pretty distant and sexy. "Anna" is mournful, "Memoir" is somehow upbeat while maintaining a level of lovelorn-ness ...

Life’s Too Short Episode 2 Review The second episode of Life’s Too Short, with Johnny Depp, somehow manages to be funnier, more awkward and vulgar than the first episode with Liam Neeson. It’s a testament to Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant’s amazing writing and their ability to make anything funny. Even full blown AIDS. This time, Warwick Davis finds himself at a science fiction convention debating with a mother about tumours, having an unconventional interview and acting as a muse for Johnny Depp! Though he does make a guest appearance at a wedding at the end of the episode, I want to concentrate on Davis’ interactions with Gervais and Merchant and the star and also the convention. At the sci-fi convention, Davis has an area where he is selling mugs, mouse mats etc. with his face on them. By far the biggest seller (though that isn’t saying much) is signed photos of himself for £25. The problem here starts when a mother and her son get to the front of the queue. She tells Davis...

The Tourist opens this weekend. Johnny Depp + Angelina Jolie = isn't that in the Bible somewhere? I do want to see this, but perhaps not as much as Black Swan and NO WHERE near as much as BURLESQUE. oh, Angelina. you scare me a little but are nonetheless gorgeous. The Tempest also opens. yawn. and the second in the Narnia series, which was the only film I have actually snuck a case of beer into the theater with me. Nicole Kidman = infinitely more interesting after booze. John Cheever was right! The dollar theater has brought in two movies which slipped through Tinseltown: You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger - latest Woody Allen film! stars Naomi Watts and Josh Brolin! Jack Goes Boating- Philip Seymour Hoffman directing Amy Adams. finally, at the Montessori School on Sterrettania tomorrow, Mrs. Bischof (hai) my teacher frined from high school is hosting an indie craft fair. description: Well, it is just like a typical craft fair, but the vendors are typically younger and more in t...

Tom Petty tickets are REALLY cheap. I was just about to buy them for my dad when I realized my dad can't handle concerts anymore, but they only came to like, 30 dollars, fees included. so, if you're a fan, I'm pretty sure he's touring everywhere in this country this summer. Like Fleetwood Mac and the Cars, Tom Petty's music was something I was raised on. here's that video with a young Johnny Depp and oh look it's China Phillips: the only thing is I don't think he's put out any good music since the 90s. it is sad to see rock stars grow old. what say you, reader? I would only go see Leonard Cohen or Fleetwood Mac these days. or maybe Joni Mitchell. I would not see Gordon Lightfoot. also, my sister showed me a picture of this random old man when I was 3 and was like "LOOK BRITTANY IT'S TOM PETTY" and I was scared of him until middle school, when I realized he was not quite that haggard.

So Alice has been the most talked about subject of today, and it's in theaters. Could you belive there is an Alice more popular than Alice Cullen? QATFYG: ARe you going to see it? I might, however, I am not too excited for it. But expect more coverage from the Useless Critic on this...maybe a review soon. Johnny Depp will probably be awesome. He is very talented as an actor, and he does well in most of the Tim Burton roles.

so the other night, after all the toy ukuleles we found were damaged or just plain crap, Jason and I saw "Public Enemies." which was OH MY GOD WHAT I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR. moviegasm! I've never had much appreciation for Michael Mann prior to this film. just another name I heard spat at when speaking of directors. but he did a fine, fine job with this. at times, it feels a bit long and like some things could well be cut out (I loved how Channing Tatum was billed as such a big role and he's in it for like, five minutes, if that) and of COURSE they romanticized Dillinger! how else would a movie like that work? (especially with Depp playing him) The Depression itself is glossed over; there are very few (if any) mentions to the historical timeframe. but who gives a shit! I went to a see a movie that was containing of: a.) fast-paced action scenes (SOMEBODY NEEDS TO BRING MACHINE GUNS BAAAAACK)- there was something interesting about the way it was shot, like very realist...