summer movies, 2009

all right, it's a bit late. but this is my favorite day of the summer. I was like 12 and decided, if and when I ever get married, it will be on June 28th. I will overpower my future spouse into making this decision.

we've seen a lot of movies already that were hyped up already come out, but don't you worry! we still have July and August to worry about! which were named after Julius and Augustus, respectively! pricks! I wish I was a Roman Emperor. just think, instead of March, we'd have BRITTANICUS. oh my god. there's my next screenplay.

anyway, here are my views on summer films, because you care oh-so much and Mr. Al was too busy to do this (he's a thespian and I'm a janitor, there's a bit of a skew there):

"Transformers 2"- I got my opinion of this film via other people's facebook status. MEGAN FOX IS A.) A FOX AND B.) THE BEST ACTRESS THE WORLD HAS KNOWN SINCE LAUREN BACALL. wait, Lauren Bacall is still alive. cease and desist! BIG ROBOTS!!!!!

"Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince"- is it bad I only read up to the fourth Harry Potter book? here's the thing about Harry Potter for me: I can only get into it when I start reading one of the books or watching one of the movies. otherwise I just don't give a shit. Al can talk about it.

"X-Men Origins: Wolverine"- I honestly don't remember seeing anything about this movie. next!

"Terminator: Salvation"- OH BOY, maybe this summer should be subtitled "The Summer I Went to the Movie Theatre When I Wasn't Busy Pawning Babies For Chocolate and Christian Bale Was In Everything."

"The Proposal"- a lot of people are like "this is Sandra Bullock's last hurrah!" why??? I think she's got some steam left in her. it looks like it has a lot of potential, which you already know. seeing as it came out a few weeks ago. plus it has the baddest badass of all of them, BETTY WHITE, in it.

"Cheri"- BOM WA WA WA MICHELLE PFEIFFER HAS SEX WITH A YOUNGER MAN BOM WA WA WA FRANCE BOM WA WA WA COUGARS COURTESANS ETC

"Up!"- cute Pixar movie. those Pixar people are geniuses.

"Public Enemies"- OH MY FUCKING GOD THE THOUGHT OF THIS MOVIE MAKES ME COME. HERE IS WHY:
- JOHNNY DEPP, CHRISTIAN BALE, MARION COTILLARD, JOHN DILLINGER, 1930S, DIALOGUE, MACHINE GUNS, PRETTY BOY FLOYD. Before we knew each other I went through this very heavy "Bonnie and Clyde" obsession. favorite era of history right here. I am such a nerd. yes, I am seeing this opening night. hell or high water. I'll go by myself and sit on the coke-sticky floor of the theater if I have to.

"Whatever Works"- Larry David stands in for Woody Allen in classic neurotic-type Allen movie, with Evan Rachel Wood taking over the female role, which makes me wonder- was ScarJo too busy? is ERW suppose to excite limp old man dick? ERW scares me. Patricia Clarkson and the guy from "Ghostbusters" are also in this and I can't give you anymore details because I haven't seen it and will not until probably September.

"Bruno"- HA HA HA YES HE PERFORMS FELLATIO ON A GHOST AND MEETS RON PAUL I AM SEEING THIS AS WELL
"this baby is a man magnet!"
I'm not a big fan of Sacha Baron COhen at all, "Borat" was medicore to me, but I have to applaud him for doing this kind of thing. most people lack the balls to even try. and here he is, upsetting/delighting everyone. I still can't like him though. sry.

"Inglorious Basterds"- Brad Pitt by way of Quentin Tarantino. Pitt gets better and better as he grows older. dare I say, he's my favorite actor? don't flog me for that. just watch the trailer:


"Drag Me To Hell"- I'm only including this because it was so goofy, so aware of its own goofiness, and I'm not a horror fan at all but this movie won me over. it's kind of gross but I haven't laughed so hard at a movie since "Baby Mama."

"Funny People"- Judd Apatow directing Adam Sandler and Seth Rogen. douchebag alert!

"500 Days of Summer"- probably this summer's "Garden State." despite that, it looks like it could either be really sweet and likeable or really pretentious and mehhhhhhh. but ZOOEY IS IN IT, and since when did Joseph Gordan Levitt look so grown up?

yeah, Zooey singing The Smiths in an elevator won my heart. why is it whenever I ride an elevator I get stuck with farting old people?
I'm glad though it includes musical sequences. trust me, there's times this year when I strutted through Macy's thinking about Dean Martin songs. MOVING ON.

"G.I. Joe"- I don't know what to make of this. as a three-year-old I loved watching this show with my brother. but I am not three and don't know if I can return to that mindset for a review. how do you make this into a serious movie again? I hope it's campy.

"Julia and Julia"- MERYL STREEP AND AMY ADAMS MERYL STREEP AND AMY ADAMS MERYL STREEP AND AMY ADAMS, it's weird to see a movie about blogging. what a world, huh?

"Little Ashes"- I'm using moviefone to go over the movies I'm not familiar with. Robert Pattinson as Salvador Dali guarantees this movie is going to be amaaaaazing. since I sincerely doubt a lot of the younger "Twilight" fangirls will appreciate it. just people that think they know something about art since they can tell you about Dali and surrealism. which includes me. art history majors everywhere SCORN THEM

"The Hangover"- everyone that has seen this has nothing but good things to say about. it's kind of becoming the sleeper hit of the summer. Zach G (long Greek name) is good enough for me to see it.

"The Time Traveler's Wife"- they made this into a movie? Bartone reference!

"The Brothers Bloom"- I swear to God this came out earlier then the internet says. I've wanted to see this since I read about it this winter. it looks cute, in a "Science of Sleep" vein. SEE:

I will have to rent this though. I hate Erie.

"Away We Go"- SEE LAST POST ON THIS SUBJECT. but it has arrived in Erie, and I'd see it if Christine wasn't so against seeing movies with me.

"My Sister's Keeper"- is it wrong I want to get high, see this film, and laugh at all the wrong parts?

"Ice Age 3"- YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWN

"Spread"- Ashton Kutcher plays a player. isn't it nice to see actors play something you can't imagine them ever being?

"G-Force"- a movie about, uh, guinea pigs. I used to have guinea pigs for a while. they're not that interesting. I'm sure Pigg, bless her rodent soul, would have rocked this movie though.

"The Orphan"- an adopted girl tries to kill her new family. hilarity ensues!

"The Ugly Truth"- my personal pick for worst movie of the summer. Heigl you better never leave "Grey's Anatomy" unless you want to be a lifetime actress for the rest of your life.

"Shorts"- this movie looks like it's aimed for the crowd that would not read this blog. regardless, I am a William H. Macy enthusiast. although I heard he's a dick to work with.

Al and I were discussing this- summer 2009 just doesn't have the momentum previous summers have had. what gives? all in all, I'm just excited about "Public Enemies." maybe it will be my new "Benjamin Button" who knows.

Frasier Crane would approve!

- Brittany