Skip to main content

America's Next Top Midget

Everyone has something they're ashamed of: their middle name, the semester they failed out of college, their secret love for the Jonas Brothers.

On the other hand, I'm not particularly ashamed to admit my love for America's Next Top Model, and I'm not afraid to wave my kitsch flag high. I admit that I have a problem: I hate Tyra, I hate Miss J, I hate Nigel "Pervert" Barker, I hate the fact that the show objectifies women and promotes the ideal that skinny is beautiful.

BUT. I love how awful it is. And sometimes there are some real stunners: Fo from cycle 12, Yoanna from cycle 2, Katarzyna from cycle 10, Elyse from cycle 1. Sometimes they're even successful: Fo recently booked campaigns with Nike, Reebok, Target, and A&F, Yoanna hosts several TV shows, Katarzyna has walked in France's couture fashion week, Elyse is big in Japan (on so many levels!).

Today the finalists for cycle 13 were announced. For the uninitiated, Tyra(nt) declared this season - starting September 9 - to be the "short" season. Only models 5'7" and down may apply. In other words, this is now America's Next Top Midget.

However, where previous seasons have had some, shall we say, unmodelesque girls (Whitney, anyone?), this season's girls are downright stunning. Even though they're short, the bitches look like models! And there are only a couple dogs! It's like the apocalypse has come, with Tyra its unholy leader. The J's are the horsemen. (Nigel is the horse.)

My pre-show favorites are Erin, Bianca, Nicole, Laura, Sundai, and Rae. My guess for the winner? Jennifer. Tyra's been waiting for an Asian winner for 12 seasons now. At this point she'd probably kill off the rest of the contestants to get one. (When Tyra says "judging" this season she really means "execution." Look model-ugly as your head rolls off! FIERCE!)

Where you can see the photos: ONTD.

Who do you like? Who do you think will win?


  1. agreed. this is my favorite post ever.


  2. GOOD

    Ann was pretty awesome post-show. Pity about her being an epic failure on the show.

  3. i totally ignore it all but the first one really looks like my Great High-School Crush LOL

  4. you... IGNORE... ANTM? *weeps*
    I had a crush on Allison from last season. ugh. she was amazing. (and an internet meme!)

  5. nothing personal, i type from old Europe :D


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

3 New Lana Songs Come Out From Upcoming Album "Blue Banisters"

Not even that far off from "Chemtrails Over The Country Club" being released this past March, Lana Del Rey dropped three new singles off her upcoming project, "Blue Banisters." They include the title track, "Text Book," and "Wildflower Wildfire." All three songs seem to merge the worlds of "COCC" with "Norman Fucking Rockwell," specifically Lana's mouthful of a track "Hope is a Dangerous Thing for a Woman Like Me To Have But I Have It." They also seem uncharacteristically more confessional than most of Lana's catalog to date, specifically "Wildflower Wildfire," which alludes to a conflict with her mother. She even starts the track with "Here's the deal," readying to show more of her backstory than she ever has in her decade-plus-long career. The three songs are gorgeous - especially "Text Book," which has a haunting quality to it (she mentions "Black Lives Matter" i

"Anchors" - AM Higgins

Here's a nice breezy, almost sensual song from AM Higgins (the solo project of musician Annie Toth) to start your Tuesday off right.  Her debut album "Hymning" will be out November 5th on Victorialand Records. The album was mixed by Casey Foubert, a frequent collaborator of Sufjan Stevens. The album "captures the first years of moving from an American city to rural France." Sounds like "Hymning" will be a welcome escape from the world we live in right now, especially considering that Annie Toth counts poets Mary Oliver and Thomas Merton as influences.

You Need to Hear This: Concrete Castles

I first heard of First to Eleven a few years ago thanks to the powers of social media. They are a talented young band straight out of my hometown (Erie, PA). Since I've first heard of them, First To Eleven - which primarily were a social media-based cover band - has revealed an original music incarnation, Concrete Castles.  No matter if they're covering songs or releasing their own music, one thing is evident: Concrete Castles is MASSIVELY talented. Anchored by Audra Miller's powerhouse vocals that are vaguely reminiscent of Hayley Williams, Concrete Castles demand your attention. Although they can fall in that sort of amorphous "indie pop" umbrella, I don't think their sound would be amiss on mainstream radio - top 40 or alternative.  "Wish I Missed U" - their debut album - came out earlier this September, and it's an enjoyable, invigorating listen that would probably make those who were raised on emo or fans of CHVRCHES feel at home. Hell, Anth