Skip to main content

America's Next Top Midget


Everyone has something they're ashamed of: their middle name, the semester they failed out of college, their secret love for the Jonas Brothers.

On the other hand, I'm not particularly ashamed to admit my love for America's Next Top Model, and I'm not afraid to wave my kitsch flag high. I admit that I have a problem: I hate Tyra, I hate Miss J, I hate Nigel "Pervert" Barker, I hate the fact that the show objectifies women and promotes the ideal that skinny is beautiful.

BUT. I love how awful it is. And sometimes there are some real stunners: Fo from cycle 12, Yoanna from cycle 2, Katarzyna from cycle 10, Elyse from cycle 1. Sometimes they're even successful: Fo recently booked campaigns with Nike, Reebok, Target, and A&F, Yoanna hosts several TV shows, Katarzyna has walked in France's couture fashion week, Elyse is big in Japan (on so many levels!).

Today the finalists for cycle 13 were announced. For the uninitiated, Tyra(nt) declared this season - starting September 9 - to be the "short" season. Only models 5'7" and down may apply. In other words, this is now America's Next Top Midget.

However, where previous seasons have had some, shall we say, unmodelesque girls (Whitney, anyone?), this season's girls are downright stunning. Even though they're short, the bitches look like models! And there are only a couple dogs! It's like the apocalypse has come, with Tyra its unholy leader. The J's are the horsemen. (Nigel is the horse.)

My pre-show favorites are Erin, Bianca, Nicole, Laura, Sundai, and Rae. My guess for the winner? Jennifer. Tyra's been waiting for an Asian winner for 12 seasons now. At this point she'd probably kill off the rest of the contestants to get one. (When Tyra says "judging" this season she really means "execution." Look model-ugly as your head rolls off! FIERCE!)

Where you can see the photos: ONTD.

Who do you like? Who do you think will win?

Comments

  1. agreed. this is my favorite post ever.

    WHAT ABOUT ANNE MARKLEY

    ReplyDelete
  2. GOOD

    Ann was pretty awesome post-show. Pity about her being an epic failure on the show.

    ReplyDelete
  3. i totally ignore it all but the first one really looks like my Great High-School Crush LOL

    ReplyDelete
  4. you... IGNORE... ANTM? *weeps*
    I had a crush on Allison from last season. ugh. she was amazing. (and an internet meme!)

    ReplyDelete
  5. nothing personal, i type from old Europe :D

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

"Anchors" - AM Higgins

Here's a nice breezy, almost sensual song from AM Higgins (the solo project of musician Annie Toth) to start your Tuesday off right.  Her debut album "Hymning" will be out November 5th on Victorialand Records. The album was mixed by Casey Foubert, a frequent collaborator of Sufjan Stevens. The album "captures the first years of moving from an American city to rural France." Sounds like "Hymning" will be a welcome escape from the world we live in right now, especially considering that Annie Toth counts poets Mary Oliver and Thomas Merton as influences.

"Mon Soleil" - Ashley Park

If there's anything people take away from my piss-poor legacy, I hope it's what a huge, unabashed fan of "Emily in Paris" I am and will continue to be. People love "90 Day Fiancee," "The Bachelor," and other garbage - allow me "Emily," which is at least harmless, kind of goofy fluff (which does, unfortunately, lean into some stereotypes, as the country of Ukraine knows ). I have already watched Season 2 twice. And honestly my favorite part of this show (despite my crush on Camille Razart and Lily Collins channeling Audrey Hepburn hardcore ) is Ashley Park. This woman has superstar written all over her. She's a bona fide Broadway star, and "Emily in Paris" has served as her pivot into the zeitgeist.  "Emily in Paris" is also showcasing her vocal prowess front and center this season, with her covering BTS, "All By Myself," "Sympathtique," and Marilyn Monroe. But the real standout performance is th

"Happy New Year"- Let's Eat Grandma

There's no way to start the New Year like some extremely upbeat music about the New Year! That's where this new synthpop-heavy single from the British duo Let's Eat Grandma comes into play. It's a delightful song, and it helps increase any excitement about their third album, "Two Ribbons," which will be out this April. I personally am looking forward to hearing more from Let's Eat Grandma, who deserve way more attention than they currently get. Hopefully, 2022 will be a big year for them. Here's one of their older tracks I quite like: