Songs To Do Drag To

I've been to a number of drag shows in my day. Men dressed as women, women dressed as men, inebriated sexually ambiguous audience members dancing up on you, awkward situations in the bathrooms, ridiculously expensive alcoholic beverages... it's always a good time.

As a result of my attendance at these festive events, I have a sick habit of hearing a song and thinking, "This would be PERFECT to do drag to." Unfortunately, I've never felt like shaving my legs (and my face), taping up Mr. Happy, pulling on a miniskirt and a pair of high-heels and dancing around on stage while lipsynching to "Girls Just Want To Have Fun." But here are a few songs I'd totally do drag to, if I were willing to shave my legs.

Tori Amos - Raspberry Swirl
Tori is to the gay community what Eminem is to insecure white boys from the suburbs: she's a god(dess). "Raspberry Swirl" features such lyrics as, "everybody knows I'm her friend / everybody knows I'm her man" and, "things are getting desperate / when all the boys can't be men." Yes, said.

Garbage - Sex Is Not The Enemy/Cherry Lips (Go Baby Go!) (see below)
Okay, maybe I'm a little biased - Garbage has been my favorite band for over a decade now - but Shirley and the boys have produced some excellent songs for drag. "Sex Is Not The Enemy" declares that a "revolution is the solution," while opining that "true love's like gold / there's not enough to go around / but then there's God / and doesn't God love everyone?" "Cherry Lips (Go Baby Go!)" is about a young boy dressing as a girl (and going to truck stops to have sex, etc). "Because you looked just like a girl / your baby blues would flash / and suddenly a spell was cast." Both are perfect for drag.

Calvin Harris - The Girls
This one is for the prospective drags kings out there. To be honest, if I had the opportunity, I'd be more than willing to be a man who is dressing like a woman who is doing drag as a man to this song. Confusing? Yeah, well, in Calvin Harris' ode to the fairer sex ("I like them black girls, I like them white girls, I like them Asian girls, I like them mixed race girls"), he ultimately comes to a conclusion that all drag kings must come to if they want to master the craft: "I get all the girls." Does that make sense? Probably not, but I'm okay with that.

Nelly Furtado - Maneater (see below)
In this song we meet Nelly Furtado, who walks in the door and everyone promptly moves their nubile young bodies in a--oh, who cares? It's about a woman who sucks your soul, and your cash, through your dick. Perfect for a drag queen! "She's a maneater, make you buy cars, make you cut cords, wish you never ever met her at all."

Questions: Have you been to a drag show? Would you be willing to shave your legs and pull on a pair of high heels (or, for the ladies out there, stick a cucumber in your pants and pull on your favorite wifebeater) and do drag? What song(s) would you do drag to?

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The Useless Critic 2.0

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