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it's getting too much for me to watch the news anymore.

I had this problem earlier. What it's been lately is the surge of child violence. I don't know why- actually I do! I'm a moral sponge- but this has been getting to me soooo much. how other people able to brush off the mass stabbings of children in China or, say, a boy nearly killing a girl over a text message, etc., is beyond my comprehension like- the fact that I have become almost immune to news of suicide bombings in Iraq or Pakistan bothers me, but it's these things about children (a couple threw a four year old boy into a shallow grave; a man raped and murdered two girls and was sentenced for it last week, they showed the tearful remarks of the parents to him at the sentencing on CNN) that get under my skin.

So again I think I have reached my breaking point with the news, as avid the CNN junkie I am. This story, though. Jesus Christ. this story broke my heart.

I am taking a news hiatus, for sure now.

I know bullying is one of those age-old issues; yes. I was bullied relentlessly when I was 12 and 13- people would write shit on my locker, call me names and hang up on the phone, poke me and tell me how disgusting I was. so yeah I feel personal about this stuff, because I look back on that time of my life (one of the most vulnerable times of anyone's life!) and I think how did I even survive it! then I see stories like this one and I just- wow. what a beautiful girl, who probably had so much going for her, had already been through a lot and she just jumps off a highway overpass. like, is it me or are kids getting meaner?

what's the root cause of that? internet? social media? society? lousy parenting? we're all guilty of it, surely. even if it's just a snide remark here and there. I almost always feel immediately bad after I indulge in my own forms of "bullying," but I don't stop. which is sickening to me. there's so much evil already in the world and in some way I am contributing to that. in some way, it leads to things like this.

and this poor girl, people could make the argument she should have just stuck it out. but no. speaking from someone who has been to that point multiple times herself, I don't blame her at all. I wish she had talked to someone, but in a case like this, you shouldn't really judge. God! she was just a kid. :(

the world is such a sad place sometimes. I'm not watching the news for a few days.

Charlotte is comforting at times like this:
"Master's Hands"
"Little Monsters"

and the things they used to say.

the thing about that last song- it always makes me ponder parenting. and the fact that you bring a child into the world knowing that THEY will know pain. and I have moments where I see myself as a parent, but then I imagine things like this, and how my child would fare and it's just disheartening beyond belief. you always want your arms big enough to hold your children.



  1. That's very sad. If I ever have a kid I am going to make sure they know--and why--they are worth it.

    Wow, I wouldn't have guessed you were bullied. I'm glad you pulled through. Somehow, the ones that are bullied when they are young are the better ones.


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