Skip to main content

The Inception Review: If you didn't like it, you can eat a schlong

A Timeline

Springish:

Bryce: Hey, that trailer looks interesting.
Me: Yeah. Maybe. I dunno. ((changes channel to Real Housewives))


June:

Bryce: Hey, Christopher Nolan directed it. That movie is going to rule.
Me: Who? Oh, the Batman guy? Yeah, I didn't see that movie. Inception looks like it has a lot of potential to suck. Nyah.


July:

Bryce: I AM SO PUMPED FOR THIS MOVIE.
Cara: Meh.

Washington Post review busts a nut over it; reconsidering ensues. Cara and Bryce go to the local multiplex to see it.

(exiting the theater)

Cara: ((speechless))
Bryce: I TOLD YOU SO.



I was initially very skeptical of this movie. Especially after Leonardo released Shutter Island. Then the laundry list of big celebs: Michael Caine; <3 <3 <3 Marion Cotillard <3 <3 <3; that pregnant slut from Juno (AHAHAHA JUST KIDDING no really, though, I can't remember her name); Joseph Gordon whatever whatever; Cillian Murphy; Dame Judy Dench...oh wait, she wasn't in it. WELL SHE SHOULD HAVE BEEN. Anyway, when I see a list of names like that, I immediately think the producers had to pad a shitty script/premise with actors who sell movies. I'M LOOKING AT YOU, EATPRAYLOVE.

Then the aforementioned WAPO (we coolios call it the 'wapo') review made it into my gmail box, and I'll basically agree with whatever the reviewer says. Even if I disagree. It's a very sick and sad existence, I know. Expectations = raised. Bar = set high. I'm imagining the song 'Lose Yourself' playing right now (MOM'S SPAGHETTI).

So basically, Leo's character, Dom, can break into people's dreams and steal shit. Che pazza! Buddha say (it's an Asian dude AHAHAHA): break into Cillian Murphy's dreams and plant an idea. The trick, which is nicely illustrated through dialogue (and reminds me of the time my tenth grade english teacher said, 'Don't think of a yellow duck wearing red goloshes' to prove a point), is that they have to make the dreamer think the idea is of his own volition.

Then there's subplot subplot subplot. Leo loves <3 Marion <3, who plays Mal, la femme fatale. There never was a more alluring woman in all of cinema, save perhaps Rita Hayworth (I'm a sucker for gloves). That may be stretching it for all of you, but not for me. I like the Frenchwomen, too (hayyo Eva Green and Sophie Marceau). How someone so soft can be such a crazy bitch is beyond me. How such a high, breathy voice, her every word a whispery song - tremulous - can breathe fire and draw anguish and guilt from the man who loves her - is beyond me. Her eyes - narrowed, widened, languid. Marion: be on me. PLZ.

Ellen Page (GOT IT!) plays the other major female role, Ariadne, an architect whose job it is to create the landscape of the dream. I saw Juno and liked it immensely, but never dreamed Ellen would translate into such a big movie. Her intelligence is precise in this part. She surprised me, most pleasantly.

Joseph Gordon whatever whatever repelled me in 500 Days of Summer, mostly because I can't stand moony, infatuated men. In this film, he is assured, humorous and - thanks to his stuntwork (when you see it, you will know what I mean) - vastly sexy. Speaking of sexy, um, hello Tom Hardy, didn't you see come in there. I know where you can come in GIGGITY. Michael Caine is, of course, pitch perfect. Let's not be surprised when he snags a best supporting actor statuette for even less screentime than DAME JUDY DENCH did for Shakespeare In Love (hahaha, I dunno, the Academy loves him, no? I will always consider Miss Congeniality to be a credit to him).

And before I run away to take a nap, let me say: as an ex band geek who recently found her clarinet from under a pile of dust and old clothes, the score...the score...clearly, I was a woodwind and will always have woodwindish tendencies, but the sounds of big brass instruments bellowing thrilled me to the core. It fills up your entire head and throbs. Like a...migraine. OF AWESOMENESS.


Oh yeah, and there were special effects. Good ones.


GO SEE IT AND DECIDE FOR YOURSELF ANYWAY

Comments

  1. <3 DAME JUDY DENCH <3

    Cara, you win at life for writing this. I want to eat spaghetti and listen to Eminem and touch Marion (harps!) now.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

"Chang-E" - Emmy the Great (new album out 10/9)

Emmy the Great drops her new album tomorrow on Bella Union - the fastest album she says she's ever created.  "April /月音" was completed after a trip to to her birth city Hong Kong in 2017. In early 2018, Emmy the Great made "April /月音" in a two-week period in Brooklyn - which was delayed for release until now because of her maternity leave. After recording this album, Emmy moved (for good) back to Hong Kong.  Since her original trip to Hong Kong, things have become quite tumultuous there. Said Emmy. "I’ll never know why the city called me back, but I know what it gave me. In return, I want to give it this album. That Mid-Autumn, nobody could have predicted what was to come, neither the atomization that began with the anti-Extradition Law protests in June 2019, nor the struggle for democracy that continues now, through the Covid-19 pandemic. To witness your birth city in its greatest moment of need is a powerful, humbling event, and I know I watched Hong Kong

Give JR a Break

Recently, I've been reading some sites that have criticized James Roday, the lead actor on the USA show PSYCH for an apparent weight gain. But you know what? Who gives a flying fizzle stick if James Roday is slightly larger than he was 4 years ago. Apparently, it wasn't enough to scare away his current girlfriend/ co-star Maggie Lawson. (Who is one hell of a Catch!) And NO they are not engaged. That seems to be nothing more than a rumor, but there is a very high chance of it happening in the near future. Anyway, as long as PSYCH continues to entertain I don't mind about James Roday's waist. He, and Dule Hill, and Corbin Bernson too, can eat all the fried broccoli they want. The last episode of PSYCH wasn't so smashing, but I don't blame it on dietary issues. QATFYG: Are you keeping up with Psych? And who is hotter, James Roday or Maggie Lawson? (Trick Question but idk why) PS: If you have heard any more news on Roday and Lawson becoming Roday-Lawso

"Round the Bend" - Zoon (Beck cover)

My favorite album of Beck's has long been "Sea Change," for approximately the 20 or so years it's been out. I would probably regard it as one of my personal favorite records, for its wistfulness and its beauty. When I heard about Zoon (aka Zoongide’ewin) - the musical project of Daniel Monkman - covering the "Sea Change" track "Round the Bend," I was somewhat skeptical simply because the album holds such a place in my heart. Now, prior to hearing about this cover, I wasn't so familiar with the work of Zoon. And now, I've got to say, in my best Owen Wilson - Wow.  Apparently we both hold the 2003 Beck album in high esteem. Said Daniel about "Sea Change," "After my first listen I was so moved and at the time I was going through a pretty bad break up and this album helped me process my depression. Throughout my time away from music I’d always have a copy beside me; it kept inspiring me that I could try any kind of music style. I