eat pray love? how about: blow me, by brittany.

so Eat Pray Love invades movie theaters this weekend like an STD on a dirty penis. mmm. I couldn't think of a more apt metaphor.

I have tried (and subsequently failed) to read this book. I lump it together in that section of literature I consider "stuff my mom would read if she was a little cooler" (how can you be cooler than my mom, though? that's really throwing the gauntlet down). It's like how I consider Twilight literature I'd read if I were 13 and desperate to fit in with the girls that give it up in the closet during "Seven Minutes In Heaven." you know what I mean!

The first few lines put me so off. If this woman, Elizabeth Gilbert, was within striking distance of me, I would have thrown the damn book at her head. I had the same feeling when I started reading A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius- that I had to sit in front of some insufferable, pompous narrator that was in love with their self. not my bag, really. I deal with this enough in people on a day to day basis.

The plot, in a nutshell, is that Gilbert gets fed up with her life and decides to take off on a year with no regrets. good for her! if she had just done this and not said a fucking word about it, I would have more respect for her. I mean, I'm kind of doing the same thing. SHE STARTS HER NO CARB DIET or whatever you have. she buys fat jeans and finds spirituality and meets beautiful men. you can feel some forty year old women salivating over this concept. "oh my GOD this is what I WANT TO DO when I'm not busy SHOPPING AT COLDWATER CREEK or MEETING MY GIRLFRIENDS FOR COFFEE or GOING TO MY TWO CHILDREN'S PTA MEETINGS. fat jeans!"

fat jeans.

the book got Oprah's attention, so it has to be good stuff, right? I mean, Oprah's our closest link to the gods, so. ~ Oprah ~

here's my beef with Eat Pray Love though (this reminds me of the beef sessions we used to have in my high school history class) is how self indulgent it is. like, who has that kind of money and time, to go off to three countries and take off from the responsibilities of average everyday life? and what was she doing- I mean, was she trying to help others or something? nope! it's all about her! wah wah wah my life sucks! wah! I need to go find my way in the world by being a selfish spoiled twat!

like- I totally understand taking time to spend with and on yourself, but at its core, I just find Eat Pray Love to be like its narrator- so in love with itself it makes my teeth hurt. but it's a sad reflection of society. we're too caught up in ourselves. we truly are.

if you're in need of a book that's sort of in this Oprah-venerated genre, read Here If You Need Me. honestly, you'll get a lot more out of that book. unless you are also in love with yourself, Narcissus. in that case- go make out with the mirror.

p.s. mom jeans mom jeans mom jeans